Confidence taken a knock...advice please

[Doughnutcarrotall35]

Mid-30s, started my first real "adult" job 2 months ago (large salary increase, more responsibility, remote working, benefits etc). Thought this would finally be the start of my long term career (I've never stayed in a role longer than 3 years/haven't felt I'd found my niche).

Things have been going OK and I haven't had any real issues (other than adjusting to working fully remotely). Obviously I'm only 2 months in and therefore have a lot to learn, but I haven't really been given any training/guidance and have been left to get on with it. Had a couple of days AL and was due my monthly review last week. Said review was less a review, more "How's it going" and "what have you got on this week". When I explained what I'd been working on and had planned for the rest of the week (I was expecting them to be pleased with my proactiveness), my manager did not seem to take this well and pointed put several mistakes I had made and things I hadn't done. I apologised and assured them now I know what my mistakes were they won't happen again.

Tbh, it felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. Any previous confidence I'd had was completely shattered. I tried to reassure myself that they were just doing their job and that I'm still very new and it's normal to make mistakes. I carried on with my day, until around 4:45pm when my manager asked for a call. My stomach sank and when they called it was to point put another mistake (which wasn't actually mine!). After the call I felt about an ins tall and like a child being told off. I'm now doubting my abilities and wondering if I've done the right thing by taking this job.

I have a weekly catch up with them this week, and I'm not sure how to address the situation? I want to say something about feeling unsupported/lack of training, but also how I felt after our call not even sure how to broach this or what to say? I've been ruminating over it all weekend and my head is a mess of anxiety.

Has anyone had a similar experience?

Can you tell us what sector and what this particular role should lead to career-wise? Eg marketing and after two years you'd expect to be a junior manager.

Is this a small organisation? What structures are there?

my manager did not seem to take this well

In what way? Facial expression or words? If this was a video call, I'd be aware that it's easy to over-read people's expressions because you have a more limited perspective compared to in person.

It sounds tough but I wouldn't go back to them saying you feel unsupported or have had a lack of training as it doesn't sound like it's true. It sounds like you felt you were doing absolutely fine and had no issues until your manager raised them. It sounds like your manager is perhaps not very good at managing or has unreasonably high standards. I can be a bit like the latter...the best thing to do with people like that is to demonstrate you are taking practical steps to improve and learn.

It also sounds like their method of feedback was poor and perhaps not how you like to receive feedback. So perhaps you could have a conversation along the lines of "I appreciate your feedback last week and am taking x, y and z steps to improve the position. However, I feel the method of delivery and feedback style is at odds with how I ideally like to receive feedback and it has knocked my confidence. Can we chat about some strategies for how to deal with this in our next catch up?". It's non-confrontational, mature and non-personal.

It's a national organisation. I'm part of a regional team, directly reporting to a team leader. There are a regional manager and senior manager above.

I think you are right @wherethewildtbingsgo the method of feedback was the issue. As we all work remotely, we often just speak via Teams. It almost felt like I was being put on the spot and asked to explain why I'd done the things I had with no warning! I will feed that back in my next catch up.

I do think I could be given more suppport/training but that's a separate issue. I've been used to roles where I had a specific training plan in place.

I do agree with @wherethewildtbingsgo . Too many people are in management roles because they were good at the operational work, but have crap / non-existent managerial skills.

Listing out someone's mistakes is not actually giving feedback, it would knock anyone's confidence.

Rather than saying you feel unsupported, you could ask about putting a training plan in place. Maybe see if there are any policies or templates within the organisation and draft a proposal to start a discussion.

Yes, I have had my fair share of bad managers @user1846385927482658 and some really great ones. This person is newly promoted themselves so I will give them the benefit of the doubt, as I'm sure they didn't mean to make me feel shit!

One of my first office roles when I was early 20s, I had an awful manager who blindsided me with a list of everything I'd done wrong and it just bought back those feelings. I know I'm making it into something worse in my head, and not thinking about it logically.