Can anyone give me some advice please :)

[anniebear]

My DD's are 6, I have been at home since they were born

Have zero confidence, had anxiety problems and more due to My DD illness and after effects etc , started AD'S and counselling and am feeling lots better at the mo

I just know I couldn't work though. Terrifies me the thought of it (plus my DD has Hospital appointments, then we have , like everyone else school hols and before & after school) plus it would be hard to work it around the children

But, I know, to help my self 'get better' I need to be doing something, just even a few hours once or twice a week

Even voluntary work scares me. I just know people would have to show me 100 times how to do something! (sleep deprivation for the past 6 years hasn't helped)

What can I do? I thought of maybe doing a course, try to build a bit of confidence up

Haven't a clue what to do. I don't have any skills, I am not clever at all. I can use the pc, wondered if a pc course would be any good, but don't see the point of doing one if I don't then use my new skills

Is there somewhere I could go to discuss this and get advice

Thanks so much for reading

Anniebear. I know you have dismissed voluntary work, but it really would be a fantastic way to get out there, meet new friends and build up your confidence. Plus, because you're doing it for free, its on your terms and you can volunteer for it around your dc's. A lot of organisations also provide training. Plus you can pick the work, so you could do something that is within your comfort zone to begin with.

However, I accept I am biased. I worked as a volunteer for a year before getting paid employment in the advice sector and couldn't recommend it highly enough.

Confidence issues asise, what would you really like to do?

Please realise that what you are feeling is par for the course. I took 18 months off with DD1, and by the end of that felt totally incompetent to go back to work. I literally couldn't remember how to turn my computer on on my first day back!

8 years off will make that worse, but it is normal, and is just a feeling - it's not true. You'll get back into doing things very quickly I'm sure.

Might be worth getting in touch with your local job centre and seeing if they have any support available for people who want to get back into work. With all the Gov targets round this there is loads of support available locally. Good Luck - you've madethe first step!

Thanks

I know all Mums are nervous at the thought of returning to work if they have had time off. But the anxiety and other issues are making it worse for me

I havent got a clue what I would do, I really don't

I suppose I have a few idea's floating around, but just dont know if I am up to them!

I have qualifications from college (years old) but wouldnt want to do that and couldnt anyway!

I then worked as a childminder for ages, so I have never really worked with anyone anyway which doesnt help

We are not loaded, but I dont desperately need to work, just need something to try and build up a bit of confidence, but how when I dont have the confidence to do anything!!!!!

Thank you

What are your ideas? It's a great chance to start again doing something you really like.

My Daughter nearly died from Meningitis and has lots of problems becasue of it

I would maybe like to be able to offer some support, lend an ear etc to anyone else going through similar

I could do this through The Meningitis Trust

But not sure if I have it in me just yet

I would , for some reason, like to be able to type properly!! I would never use the skill though!!

Thanks

I'm really sorry to hear about your DD.

What you describe sounds like a brilliant thing to do, although I can see why you may not feel ready for it yet. Would they give you training? It may be that you could work at it slowly.

Perhaps if, like you suggested, you did a typing or PC course it might give you some more confidence. It's good to study, aven if you don't use the actual skills in the immediate future it gets you in a different frame of mind and gets your brain working.

I'm afraid I don't know any good sources of career advice. I think the people on here are often the best source, but maybe others know good places to go.

Thanks so much

I know I need to do something, just to help myself

Thanks x

Don't be too hard on yourself. Six years is a long time to be out of the workplace, so what you're feeling is quite normal I went back after maternity leave and still had moments of panic, thinking OMG can I really cope with it all! And your problems with your DD have made things more tricky and probably knocked your confidence too. I think voluntary work may be a good way in. Also the idea of a computing course could be useful. It's difficult to know about working with the Meningitis trust. You would certainly have a lot to offer, but maybe your experience is still too close and you need to put some distance there? My dd2 was prem, and I know I had quite a strong urge to get involved with some of the relevant organisations, supporting other parents, fundraising etc, but there was no way I could have coped with it for a long long time after she was born. It may be exactly the right thing for you, but equally, it may be right for you to do something quite different. You've had a traumatic time as a mother, and for some people, having a separate 'work' bit of their life helps to compartmentalise a bit. Just some thoughts.

Hiya I had depression just before my eldest dd started school and had zero confidence that I was good at anything, even convinced myself I was a bad mother. I found a notice in my dd's nursery about a course where they train you to be a creche worker, I bit the bullet and went for it. I didnt sleep for days before the first class but after a few weeks I knew peoples names and looked forward to it. I now do creche work 3 times a week and I love it. I came through the training a different person and a differet mum as a result. You will be great in whatever you do, you just have to rediscover who you are. The job centre will definately be able to advise you. email them for info if you cant face going in. Good luck x

Have you thought about voluntary work over the phone so you're not face to face. Samaritans or something like that. Helping others could give you a real confidence boost.

Ask in your local library about IT courses. They should also give you the details for your local FE college and you could see what's on offer.

Thanks

hard thing is, apart from working in a hairdressers for a few months after I qualified, I have only ever worked by myself

Will have a look at some courses on line and try to get some ideas

Thanks you

good for you singyswife thats brilliant

Hi Anniebear

Just a thought, but why not start off doing an RSA course (formal typing qualification thingie - someone on here can probably tell you more about them). That way you get to have a go at something new, and get a formal qualification at the same time, which could be useful for voluntary work (eg admin support) or even for a job (secretarial work) in the future if you decided that was what you wanted. This website www.dartfrogland.com/rsaexams.htm might be interesting as an example. You can do stuff like that either at FE colleges (night classes for example) or could even find a distance learning course which you could do from home in your own time to fit around the children.

Can I really encourage you to grit your teeth and try something. I know it's hard! I once had a member of staff who had real anxiety problems which were stopping her from doing all sorts of stuff, even though she was extremely capable, as I am sure you are. With encouragement (and with the agreement she could say no at any time) she gradually took on new challenges, just small ones which felt almost within reach, but not quite. It was great when she achieved something new, and each new achievement gave her the confidence to go on and have a go at the next one. You should have seen the smile on her face when she finally summoned up the courage to go on a day course on her own at our reginal office...

And I'd agree that voluntary work would be great.

Thank you ArrietyClock , you sound lovely to work for

I will have a look into a few things and see if Im brave enough !!