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DH - work stress

4 replies

seaduck · 10/11/2023 03:05

So my DH has always had an unhealthy relationship with work. For bit of background, he works extremely hard and has a really good job, high paid for our area, is the main earner etc so I'm sure there's a certain level of stress that comes with his seniority. He's extremely well regarded in his job. However we've been together 20 years since teenagers and he's always been the same even when he held junior level jobs so I think it's less the job, more his diligence and nature.

Every few months he seems to have what I can only describe as a little breakdown, usually triggered by something at work not going his way. It's just so extreme when it happens that I'm starting to worry about his mental health. This week, something has happened and I appreciate it's adding stress but he's not slept at all. It's 3am and I can hear him pacing around the spare room stressed. I never know how to help him on these situations that I end up getting cross with him because all my comments are unhelpful in his opinion. Ive encouraged him to take a break from work, seek help externally, tried to make him see the bigger picture that it's just work etc. I'm just getting so worried one day he will do something stupid over something that's happened at work and it's just not worth it. I've encouraged him to find less senior roles, we can afford for him to drop to something less stressful for his mental health and he has looked and even had job offers but in the end, decides to stay.

It's so frustrating but I don't know how to help. Anyone?

OP posts:
RedCoffeeCup · 10/11/2023 03:11

Hi OP, it sounds like you are being really supportive and doing all the right things. I think maybe you just have to step back a little bit and let DH deal with it? If this has been happening every now and then for the last 20 years, it seems to me that it's just how he is and there may be little you can do to change him. Just carry on supporting him (as you are doing) but accept that you can't "fix" it.

DustyLee123 · 10/11/2023 06:48

He needs to see the GP. If he won’t try to help his MH, it’s not up to you to tolerate these frequent breakdowns.

SilverGlitterBaubles · 10/11/2023 08:10

It is really difficult and frightening to see someone go through this OP. I suspect that on top of his reaction to stress not sleeping just makes everything worse. He really, really needs to speak to his GP and seek help to deal with this or eventually he will get to a point when he will have no choice but to stop working altogether. Does he do anything outside of work like exercise to wind down?

user1846385927482658 · 10/11/2023 08:14

Mind has some pages on managing stress: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/stress/managing-stress-and-building-resilience/

If he won't do anything to help himself, the only thing you can do is make sure you are looking after yourself.

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