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Original poster

Husbands lack of employment

31 replies

BigCheese24 · 09/11/2023 21:57

Bit of background:

My husband graduated uni and got a graduate job immediately, before he even graduated. He LOVED this job. It was initially office based then during covid became full time WFH and remained so. He was made redundant in July of this year. He was devastated.

I work full time Mon-fri 9-5 office based. Because my husband worked from home, he was also responsible for taking DC to school and collecting from school. This situation worked perfect for us - 2 full time salaries, no extra childcare costs and no dependency on other family / friends.

Now, it's November. He's been unemployed for just over 3 months. The savings have all but disappeared. He's entitled to JSA but we're not entitled to anything else due to my wage. At first, he was determined to find a similar job/role. But now I fear we are becoming too financially unstable that he may have to take whatever job he can.

But I'm worried. Not only has he struggled to find a similar job/related to his degree, he is still grieving the job he loved. And he is so sad/depressed being in the house 24/7 whilst I'm at work & the DC are at school. We do need the money, but I worry taking any old job just to fill the gap may depress him more! I suggested there was lots of Xmas temps jobs at the moment and he seemed so gutted at my suggestion.

Should he stick to looking for something more career related? Or just take anything? Even if he takes any old job he won't even make half of what he made in his last job - but it would be more than JSA. But I don't want to pull him down anymore.

Not sure any more how to support him during this ordeal. Confused

OP posts:
youveturnedupwelldone · 09/11/2023 22:13

Sometimes it's needs must isn't it, this sounds like one of them - if your household needs the money he needs to get a job whatever that job is. Many, many of us compromise on what we do job wise because we need the money, picking an choosing is a luxury.

For some reason it is easier to get a job if you have a job, this has always fascinated me but it seems to be true.

How motivated is he? Is he actually trying to get himself up, out and do something rather than moping at home? How hard is he job searching?

Original poster
BigCheese24 · 09/11/2023 22:30

youveturnedupwelldone · 09/11/2023 22:13

Sometimes it's needs must isn't it, this sounds like one of them - if your household needs the money he needs to get a job whatever that job is. Many, many of us compromise on what we do job wise because we need the money, picking an choosing is a luxury.

For some reason it is easier to get a job if you have a job, this has always fascinated me but it seems to be true.

How motivated is he? Is he actually trying to get himself up, out and do something rather than moping at home? How hard is he job searching?

He really is trying. He's had 3 interviews since his redundancy but unfortunately he didn't get any of them. But I do worry as more time passes that his moodiness will begin to out way his willingness. :(

OP posts:
Ju1ieAndrews · 09/11/2023 22:56

He was made redundant in July and should be treating job-hunting as his job.

If he's been spending multiple hours Mon-Fri for the last 3-4 months networking via Linked-in and the like, speaking to recruiters and applying for jobs, then 3 interviews sounds like very little.

Are you sure he's doing everything he can to find work?

Zazango · 10/11/2023 00:47

Ju1ieAndrews · 09/11/2023 22:56

He was made redundant in July and should be treating job-hunting as his job.

If he's been spending multiple hours Mon-Fri for the last 3-4 months networking via Linked-in and the like, speaking to recruiters and applying for jobs, then 3 interviews sounds like very little.

Are you sure he's doing everything he can to find work?

With all due respect, he’s up against a very difficult time for employment, particularly if he’s only been looking for something in a very certain field (whatever that might be). Even when you play the game and do all the right things, it doesn’t automatically guarantee you more interviews.

StartupRepair · 10/11/2023 00:49

If he takes anything it will provide some structure and purpose to his day as well as a bit of income. Even if it is a huge status drop it is probably better for his mental health and family finances.

XelaM · 10/11/2023 01:02

What industry is he in?

Mediumred · 10/11/2023 01:10

I wonder if taking a christmas temp job might be more palatable for him as you could just say, ‘oh, this is just for a couple of months’ etc and then if he absolutely hates it it might spur him on in his longer term job hunt or if it’s not too bad it might open up new sectors or stop him grieving for his old job.

I remember my Dad (who had what we would now term as a white collar job) slaughtering turkeys one xmas when he was between jobs, I guess that must have been v grim. On the other hand a wine warehouse has just opened near us and is looking for xmas staff and I thought that would be a great opportunity for someone interested in the trade to get a job and show enthusiasm and initiative, maybe get kept on and work their way up?

good luck to you both

OhcantthInkofaname · 10/11/2023 01:13

Take the temp job - and continue to search for a professional level job.

CherryCokeFanatic · 10/11/2023 01:19

Hard to know without you clarifying the industry whether it is worth waiting out or seeking any job possible or temp work. There can often be seasonal patterns to recruiting or certain industries are struggling right now.

LiCenDon · 10/11/2023 08:02

I would encourage him to speak to his GP about depression. Maybe get some counselling around the loss he's feeling.

I would encourage him to take one of the seasonal jobs being advertised just now. It will get him out of the house and amongst other people and remind him what the working world feels like.
He can still continue job hunting but at least this will get him back out into the world for a couple of months and hopefully improve his mood and well being

SilverGlitterBaubles · 10/11/2023 08:36

Being in a cycle of looking for work and rejection is very demoralising. I agree with PP that it is easier to find a job when you are in a job. I think a period of temporary work to boost your finances and perhaps help him get some structure and perspective is a reasonable option. At the very least it shows prospective employers that you have a good work ethic and a willingness to be adaptable. There are skills to be gained in every job no matter how different from your previous or qualified job it might be.

jolies1 · 10/11/2023 09:17

I’ve done a LOT of recruiting and interviewing… in the situation where someone has been made redundant from their “career” job it’s always respected that they went and did something else to keep themselves going and potentially learn an interesting new skill eg office staff who pick up a customer service type temp job usually develop better people skills and team working

VelvetVoice · 10/11/2023 09:20

any job is better than no job and it might help with his mood

I can’t understand men who will not do whatever possible to support his family

too much pride and ego

SecondUsername4me · 10/11/2023 09:20

Tbh id just sit down with him one evening and say "right, what's next? We cannot afford for this situation to continue. What's your plan?"

It's now at the point where any job is better than no job.

wellthisisakward · 10/11/2023 10:16

My DH took 6 months to get over being made redundant and didn't or wouldn't take temporary work. It almost killed me and I wish if I could turn back time that I'd been harder on him.

Yes he was in a shit place but he made darn sure he dragged the whole family with him and due to the extra pressure I ended up having to take ion extra work plus the full mental load to keep the family afloat, I still deeply resent how that all panned out.

OnceUponATimeInTheVest · 10/11/2023 13:36

I was in a similar(ish) situation and took the temp job.
It did wonders for my mental health, not sitting around all day checking the job boards or waiting for the phone to ring. It wasn’t a great job, but it gave me a routine, I got to interact with people every day and it brought some money in. I wouldn’t underestimate the feeling you get from being useful at work, any work. I still had enough time to apply for other jobs or attend (mainly zoom) interviews.

I would also consider the time of year, for some graduate type jobs the recruitment process is long winded, and if he interviewed today, it could be January before he gets to start. It would be a no brainer for me.

Sisterpita · 10/11/2023 16:08

Has he considered contacting agencies in his industry sector for temp work? Don’t assume they only have entry level jobs.

Zazango · 10/11/2023 21:14

Just for what it’s worth, I have just finished a degree for an industry I’m keen to break into. The past two months have been an absolute horrorshow for my mental health - sitting around, applying, waiting by the phone, rejections. All while watching my savings deplete.

I had previously vowed never to go back to my old role, as I had decided that chapter was done. But with applications leading nowhere, I recognised I needed something coming in for my mental health/stability.

I made peace with the fact that I wouldn’t find the job of my dreams right away, and once I’d acknowledged that, my frazzled mental health began to improve. The old job took me back with open arms (today) with an raise, and now I know I’ll be in a healthier place to apply for things I want.

I know it’s not the same as redundancy, which must be heartbreaking. I also don’t have a family to support, which must be so much more pressure. But your husband should look for the positives - he has experience in his field, and this means he will find something again. It’s just a matter of time, and it’s how he uses that interim time that matters. He should aim to bring in something until things work out.

Original poster
BigCheese24 · 11/11/2023 00:33

Wow Thankyou to everyone for your insightful replies.

To clarify, his degree is in computer science and his job was being an entry level 'junior' developer. (Think coding) this job was with the police so I think he was suckered into assuming he'd have job security (everyone says once you're in with the public sector, police etc, you'll be safe. This is evidentially not true.)

I think I need to sit him down one evening and have a proper future planning discussion with him. I believe any job would be better for his mental health, too. He needs out this house.

OP posts:
YouCanExfilNow · 11/11/2023 00:39

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

RocketIceLollie · 11/11/2023 00:57

He needs to get back into the groove of work to help cute his helplessness of sitting around all day doing nothing which is probably the root cause of his depression. Royal Mail is a good Christmas job but it might be a bit late in the day to apply for jobs there now for this Christmas....there are lots of jobs out there at the moment though. Worst thing he can do from a perspective employer is to be long term unemployed.

QueenOfThe20StoneAge · 11/11/2023 06:46

What about contracting? I did this after redundancy and have never looked back. Plenty of IT jobs come up in the public sector. Not as secure perhaps but sometimes leads to a permanent post. Who knows, the flexibility of contracting might work for you both and the day rate will improve as he gains experience. Public Sector Resourcing, Jobserve, Hays.....all good sites to start looking for vacancies. Good luck to both of you.

limefrog · 11/11/2023 08:13

I think you need to work out how desperate the situation is with your finances - does he really need to get a job to bring in money? If so, obviously your question is answered and he'll just have to swallow it.

But if not, it sounds like it would be worth allowing him some space. Why did he not get any of the 3 jobs that he went for - there must have been a reason or some feedback of some kind, if not he should ask for it. He needs to be proactive about addressing anything that is preventing him getting these jobs.

Also, even though he is not in paid work, he can still be doing something productive with his time. Is he volunteering? Upskilling by doing online courses? Researching companies? Polishing his CV and LinkedIn profile?

If he's not doing any of these things then I would be unhappy tbh - if he wants another job in his sector then he needs to be proactive.

If he is just moping around and not being proactive then I would be questioning whether he has a mental health issue developing and needs to see his GP.

arejcenencehche3uh9f3 · 11/11/2023 12:47

I'm a bit surprised JSA/DWP aren't telling him he must apply for any job, not just programming ones. They changed the rules a while ago.

I used to be a programmer and I got most of my jobs by researching tech companies close to where I live and applying on spec. Most (not all) IT agencies are not great in my experience.

Sisterpita · 11/11/2023 12:51

With that background and inhis position he needs to start applying for IT roles in NHS, Civil Service , Local Authority etc.

They may not be developer roles but just get in. Once he has a job then he can work out a career path.

I can guarantee there will be agency IT jobs, not necessarily developer but enough that he can get a foot in the door.

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