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Potential job, am I being selfish?

11 replies

Cojer · 08/11/2023 16:24

I've been in the same job since eldest child was born. It's very close to home and I work part time, very flexible but no home working at all. Job can be very stressful in terms of the clients we deal with. I would quite like to increase my hours now but wouldn't do that in my current job as I couldn't cope with the stress of it. I'm bored stiff with my job. I used to change roles every couple of years before kids.

I've been trying to get promoted for the last two years (big overall organisation). I'm getting nowhere with that so started looking for level transfers so a completely different job but same amount of money. At the moment we manage with one car as I walk to work.

I've been offered an interview for a role that would involve travel to different sites. I could still work part time but I would be away quite a lot. All expenses would be paid for. My H currently wfh mostly with one or two days in the office. He gets paid an okay salary. He could be earning a lot more but he doesn't really put a lot of effort into applying for jobs. We aren't desperate for more money but obviously it would be nice.
He's saying I'm being totally selfish even applying for this job and being away from home for up to three days a week. Am I being? I've tried to push him to apply for better jobs but he doesn't put the required effort in.
He also did work away from home for a few months when our eldest was 6 and I was going through a hard pregnancy. I just got on with it.
This job could be a stepping stone to promotion for me as it would give me loads more experience.

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Thehonestybox · 08/11/2023 16:32

How old are you're kids? Three days a week away is a lot, but if it's only for a year or two and you kids don't need you regularly then I would go for it.

I don't have kids and I did the same thing last year. I'm based at three different sites, away two days a week and tbh the travel is absolutely knackering, but I think it will be worth it for the promotion opportunities

Cojer · 08/11/2023 16:36

The youngest is 8. His school is very close by so it's just a case of taking him to school which H does at the moment anyway on my work days. Grandparents pick him up on my work days. I get nearly all the school hols off so this is the only childcare we need.

Maybe I should just stay miserable in my current job until he goes to Secondary school.

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2PintsOfCidernaBagofCrisps · 08/11/2023 16:42

"Maybe I should just stay miserable in my current job until he goes to Secondary school." Passive aggressive much? I didn't think your OP was selfish but that kind of attitude is.

Being away from your two children 3 days a week is a lot. Your husband did it for a few months, many years ago. That's not the same as taking on a permanent role where that is the status quo.

Staying miserable at your current job or taking on a new role that doesn't fit in with family life aren't your only options.

redskyanight · 08/11/2023 16:50

You're considering the job because you want it - that's the only reason, and therefore that is selfish.
Your question is really whether you are wrong to be selfish in this situation.
Personally with your youngest only being 8, I'd want to be around more and I'd look for a different job.

rookiemere · 08/11/2023 16:51

Do you mean away overnight or just during the day ?

CesareBorgia · 08/11/2023 16:52

I don't have children but I'd think twice about a job with that amount of travel. It's so depressing being stuck in some bland hotel on your own.

Cojer · 08/11/2023 16:58

Yes it would be overnight stays. I will just keep on trying to get another job then. Whichever job I get won't be as perfect for home life as the one I have now. So it is mostly a case of stay where I am and suck it up or move jobs and things be slightly worse for the children.

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OhComeOnFFS · 08/11/2023 17:03

You're behaving as though this job is the only way out of your current job.

I wouldn't have left my children for three days a week. If it was three days every few months, that would be different, but if it's every week or every other week then I wouldn't do that. My children would have been really unhappy.

Thehonestybox · 08/11/2023 17:05

Yeah, I second the pp RE bland hotel rooms. I only do one hotel night a week and the novelty wears off very quickly. It's really depressing and lonely.

If you are applying for same salary level entirely different jobs anyway, you surely could find one that doesn't require so much working away?

GCWorkNightmare · 08/11/2023 17:09

I work away on average 2-3 days a week. Have done for a couple of years. My daughter is 13 (just) and husband mainly WFH. My role is very flexible so sometimes I’m home all week and other times I’m away all week.

I love the time by myself and get to do things I want to like seeing friends when I’m in their city or seeing shows in London etc.

DH worked away for years including DD’s first 18 months. So I don’t feel guilty. I’m a better parent when I’m at home if I’ve been away.

Cojer · 08/11/2023 17:11

Yes there probably will hopefully be other jobs at the same level. All will involve travelling to the nearest city though so I wouldn't be on the doorstep anymore. So we would need a second car.

I was just so excited when I got this interview as the job sounds just so much better than my job.

Thanks everyone. I won't go for it. Just hope I'm successful with something else soon.

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