Feeling lost at 42

[Lostat42]

I’m not really sure what I’m hoping for here but I’m at such a loss and so upset, and I really don’t know what to do.

I work in marketing, have done for around 14 years, and I thought my career was going well, however, I got massively screwed over by my last firm, essentially forced to leave and have ended up taking a job that I absolutely hate, and now I don’t know what to do :(

I was late to the marketing world as I went to Uni as a mature student but have spent the last 14 years in marketing, progressing to management which I have done for about 8 years.

I have always worked in or managed a team, until 4 years ago when I joined a firm in a standalone marketing manager role with the promise of being able to build my own team and have a budget to work with agencies etc. - essentially told that this company was growing and it needed a marketing person to grown and own the marketing function.

However, with Covid and there being zero investment in marketing, the team and budget never materialised, but I persevered as I hoped these things would come.

At the beginning of this year I was advised that I was finally going to get these things, plus I was given a pay rise and “outstanding” annual review. Even to the point of sitting down with my manager and outlining “my team”

However, there was a change in senior structure, a new senior management member was employed above my manger, and essentially hired a marketing director above me, without even telling me, despite the fact that I made no secret about that’s where I wanted to be headed.

As a result, and granted maybe a little knee-jerk, I found a new job and left. They could not guarantee me job security, I didn’t know how I fitted in to the new structure and I felt so hurt.

So, I have taken this new job and I just hate it. I have clearly rushed into it, and now I feel stuck. It’s another standalone role and I’m feeling overwhelmed, plus it’s an absolute mess there.

It doesn’t help that I feel so burnt out and I’m not confident in my abilities, my self esteem is on the floor and I have imposter syndrome.

In addition, I’m approaching 42 and I feel like my career is over, I’m stuck in this new job, I don’t know how to get out and don’t know what to do.

It’s also messed up my personal life, my partner and I had been trying for a baby (last attempt) and we were going to move house but all that has stalled.

I guess I’m looking for advice, or maybe inspirational stories where people have got out of a dark career period or made a change in their 40s.

Sorry for the long post.

It's bollocks isn't it @PartTimePartyPooper

Who the fuck are these people who think they can push employees far far past their limits, on what are generally fair but average salaries?

These are our lives

My work is so important to me I can't even tell you. It's the cultures and motivations of others that pull it all apart though. And that's out of the individuals control.

Even when you think you've made a sensible choice, good culture, good manager, good benefits, it's takes one prick to ruin everything.

Ha, I literally came to this board to start a thread about being 42 and feeling lost because of work... but found you lovely people had beaten me to it!

I was a teacher for 15 years and had a well paid management role. Now I'm doing a less stressful office job on maternity cover, but I'm not really that challenged and the pay is crap. I am not sure how to find the balance and I have started to feel old. I would do ANYTHING not to return to teaching though.

Reading everyone else's posts it seems like a lack of progression is one of the main issues? No job can be interesting forever...

I'm also early 40s and glad I found this thread.

I feel stressed and burnt out frequently. I don't enjoy my job. I find the work itself dull. Need a change but auditing is all I've ever known.

Need to think hard in the NY.

Also similar age and I’ve just quit my job due to a bullying boss.

I haven’t a clue what I’m going to do now though - I just knew that I’d had enough.

I will run out of money by about February so I need to get something lined up pronto!

I don’t think I ever want to work for someone again tbh. But freelancing seems so HARD.

It's so interesting reading all the responses and it seems many of us have been in a situation where we had a role and a purpose and then some organisational change has happened and sidelined us, and now we feel like just giving up when previously we were getting a lot out of work. It makes me more and more certain that in these situations it's best to look for a new job. I also totally agree with a PP who said that it doesn't matter if you are mediocre or brilliant. I feel like this all the time. There is no reward structure at work beyond promotion - no bonus, no performance related pay increases, just a standard pay increase for all employees every year regardless of performance.

it's how our system is designed. I like to think it designed itself.
A "collective brain" has put in place a system where money is worth so much that we are willing to accept hardship to earn it and then it becomes established that making money NECESSARILY involves hardship, in one or more of its many forms...

For what it's worth, when you buy things and pay with money, you are encouraging some shitty boss to cause hardship to someone else.
Does it make you feel better? Didn't think so :) but wanted to remind you it's not unfair. Very few of us both earn enough money for our lifestyle AND have a decent time at work.
It's the holy grail of economy and is, MATHEMATICALLY, impossible for more than a small fraction of workers.

...

As for actual advice: If you have a job, now is the time to keep it!
Jobs are scarce these days. Perhaps next summer or next-next summer you will can try and see if something better's out there.
Stay the course, remind yourself it's only for a little while longer.
(kind of how I lied myself to complete a marathon...)

I got sacked last Friday and no biters on my CV so far... It's a terrible time of the year to be looking for work and it feels like it's not been this bad for at least 10 years...

I've just accepted my fate and now using this time to crunch books and get more employable... Work on my fitness and tidy the loft :D

I'll drive tesco, I'll sit babies if I have to, I'll survive to see better times!

I can relate (im sorry!)

I’m in a similar situation, just wondering how things are going for you? ❤️

I could have written this myself! No idea why it’s happened as always had glowing reviews. I can only assume people do this because they feel threatened so need to minimise us, or pure misogyny if it is a man doing it.