High pressure job - not sure I can do this anymore

[Dilemma2023]

Hi MNers,

Long time lurker, first time poster, and I hope I can get some advice from parents who have been through this.

I am 34, and I work in a highly paid job 5 days a week. I have a DS FT at nursery, and I very recently learnt that I am pregnant with our second which makes me immensely happy.

The problem is my job; I don't think I can handle it anymore. I've been working very hard for the past 10+ years and climbed the corporate ladder in a number of years at my current company. But now that I seem to 'have it all' on paper, the constant pressure, the 'never good enough' feeling, the relentlessness of it, I find it all unbearable. I have impostor syndrome big time, I do not enjoy what I do, I think about work all the time, in the evenings it takes me hours to get rid of my stress whereas I used to be able to easily disconnect after a day at the office. And it's been like this for the past two years. I cannot fault my team, who is great and very competent, or my managers who are supportive, but the pressure comes from the industry itself and from the very top of the company, who are relentless in their demands and expectations.

My original plan before I fell pregnant was to get a new job. Then I stayed for one more year than planned as I came back from mat leave as the company promoted me - felt wrong to say no when they put their trust in me (also meant more money).

Now I'm pregnant again, I can't look for a new job so I am thinking of leaving to become a SAHM (just for a couple years, then find work again).

My question to you is; has anyone left work for a while or changed direction in their career following a life event like pregnancy? If so, what was the outcome, are you pleased you did it?

What's holding me back from leaving my job:

• The guilt of leaving a career that is lucrative and a company where I am mostly well treated
• The sort of weird shame that comes with not coping when thousands of FT working mums manage very well, and with multiple children
• Once in a blue moon I will have a good day where I feel like I'm at the top of my game and that I go above and beyond expectations

What's telling me to do the jump and stop working for a couple years:

• the dread I feel when thinking of doing this another 8 months before my mat leave (+ having to go back)
• my new pregnancy, the yearning I have to just step off the rat race for a moment and breathe, and how much I enjoy being with my son
• the feeling this would make me much happier and benefit my marriage and my DS

Thank you for reading me, that was a long post! I will welcome any advice and experience. And I realise btw this is a 'good' problem to have and i am v fortunate to have a family and a job.

I gave up a good job when my dh died, it was the only way I could look after my children. Now I look back and realise I wasn't enjoying the high paid job at all, I work around my dcs now in a much more fulfilling role.

Stick it out, take your annual leave and time off sick as and when needed. Detach from the targets & pressure, you have rightly discovered that they are not as meaningful to you anymore.

Try going back part time after May leave if workload can be adjusted? If not then look for something else more flexible

I am very sorry to hear about your loss @Jennybeans401 - thank you for sharing your experience

congratulations on your pregnancy @Dilemma2023

you could be me - I'm in the same position except a bit further along the journey as my DC2 is now 2 and I haven't quite worked out the solution yet. I stuck out the big job and went back after DC2 and it got too much, I just didn't care as much about the pressure and the targets when they took me away from my children (it's good advice from a PP there).

I have since changed roles to what I thought was a "step down" - less senior in a bigger company but promises of flexibility - and I'm very unsure about it so far as my senior experience means I'm in above my head and feeling the pressure already! So all in all I can't help but i wanted to offer a handhold cos there are other people like us out there!

I would try and stick it out until your mat leave, then reevaluate if you want to come back after that, potentially part time or diff role.

Thank you all. I am literally tossing and turning thinking how horrible my week has been, unable to sleep, reenacting meetings and to do lists. Not a good place to be.

I totally understand where you are coming from I had all 4 of my children in the army.I loved my job I loved the kids more,there just wasn't enough of my to go round .The army was my escape from a pretty shitty childhood I joined at 16 , after 15 years I had 4 under secondary age and what finally did it was my youngest shyed away from me as he hadn't seen me for 3 weeks.I signed off the very next day I thought the Army had the same loyalty towards me but once my I'd card was handed in that was that,just a number as many jobs are. You only get one live there is always a way to slow down a little unfortunately our babies don't slow down growing up. Be kind to yourself and slow down, employers are only loyal when you are sacrificing other parts of your life to give all to them xx

Hi OP. I took a planned multi year career break from a senior role which ended up extending and extending when I had more dc. I found it v straightforward to go back, but I was careful to watch and pick my moment.

I've obviously lost loads of the time and would have expected to have been promoted in the time I've missed. That slightly rankles every now and again but on the other hand I've had this other life as the full time mum to my kids at the point they needed my full time attention. I'm so glad I did it. Work stays amazingly the same even if you leave for a huge amount of time. But your kids, well, change an enormous amount very quickly. If you want to, and you can manage it, I totally recommend slipping out of work for a bit.

But I did it because I really wanted to have that time with my kids as babies, not because I wanted to leave work. I think this might make a difference to how it feels when you're bored witless at the 3rd stay and play this week.

I could have written this. I have posted many times about my own job on MN under other names. I am still in my stressy job although it is a lot better. I think for me the baby hormones have very slowly worn off (DCs 7 and 9) and for now the job works - pays well, WFH, allows my DH to build up his business. I have also accepted that I am a type A, perfectionist and a worrier. I will worry whatever job I am in. So I often do it to myself - I get overwrought about very minor things (which is not ideal in an already stressful job). I am getting better at not doing that.

However I am not in this forever. I am always thinking of what I can escape to. I am 40 and will not be doing this at 50. But for now it works best for my family so I am sucking it up.