Nervous speaking - help!

[FlatSnuffy]

I need your wise words ladies. I'm 20+ years working, in a senior role. When I was younger I was very nervous speaking up or presenting. However I got lots of opportunities to learn and got good and confident at doing presentations and speaking in front of others, whether big crowds, senior people, etc. When I first had covid I was very breathless for a long time. Whenever I spoke I'd get that panicky breathless thing. Even as I recovered I'd start panicking that it would happen. I now feel like I just can't trust my speaking, I don't know if confident me will show up or nervous me. Just the fact that I could get nervous makes me nervous. Help! I'm too senior to be having this public crisis of confidence in front of everyone.

Remember you are only human! Just because you are senior doesn’t mean that you’re not allowed to feel this.

I don’t have many words of wisdom for you as I am also not a great speaker and get nervous but what I try and do is remember well all be dead one day and no one remembers anything anyway haha. Nothing is THAT important in the grand scheme of things. Once I realise that, it takes the pressure I put on myself off a little and I can relax.

Thank you @EbonyWood , you're right. I do put a lot of pressure on myself and thought I had left this behind me. Bloody covid/perimenopause whatever it is that has caused this. I have to speak on a call in front of a couple of hundred people tomorrow. I'll try to remember that it doesn't actually matter if my voice wobbles and my breath catches, I do have good stuff to say.

Get down to your GP for some propranolol for situational anxiety. It will stop the nervous shakes / shaky voice.

There are loads of anxiety exercises you can do in this situation, like breathwork. Also visualisations are very good to help with situations like public speaking etc.

@JobMatch3000 thank you, I had no idea that was a possibility!

Thank you @StaleCrumbs I will look that up. If you have found any useful please do share.

Try breathing in your nose and out of your mouth and see if it lowers your heart rate. That works for me but I know someone who says the opposite works for her!

It’s corny but listening to upbeat music before hand might help get you in the right frame of mind, something that leaves you feeling positive.

Diaphragmatic breathing is well researched to show it helps to calm the nervous system. But the key is to focus on a long exhalation. People say to take a deep breath, but to activate the calm side of the nervous system you want a slow, gentle breath in (think down into the tummy), pause then a long slow exhalation. Do this for at least 5 mins (can do it in the car on the way). Adding sound can enhance it - saying a really deep ‘vooooo’ sound from the diaphragm as you breathe out is brilliant (I do this a lot before I have something ‘big’ to do). Betsy Polatin writes about it in her book called Humanual.

Visualisation is really well researched and can improve performance. Top athletes do it, it’s a technique used by top performing CEOs etc). Find some time every day to sit and shut you eyes and go through the steps in your mind of what you doing public speaking. And when you visualise it, feel every part of it - but feel it with confidence and make it really real. So for example, imagine you wake up the morning of the event, you get up, looks fabulous, and feel confident. See yourself getting ready and notice how calm you feel. See yourself getting your clothes on and knowing that those clothes make you feel empowered. As you walk out the door of the house notice that the day looks beautiful, and notice what you hear and see. Driving to the venue you feel totally calm and even excited to give your speech. See yourself going up on to the stage and FEEL how easeful you find it and you look at the people in the audience and they are so exicted to listen to you. Feel how confident you are in this moment. See the stage, the microphone, hear the things you’d hear, even smell whatever you might smell. Feel the microphone in your hand. As you’re giving the speech you can see the audience reacting, exactly as you want them to - laughing in the right places, interested
in what you’re saying - totally engrossed in the topic. As you finish see the applause they give you and feel the pride you feel as you know you have given a fabulous speech!

Essentially, our subconscious doesn’t distinguish what is real and what is imagined so the more you visualise, the more your brain thinks it’s real and the less fearful it becomes. There’s a programme called the STILL Method that offers a workshop specifically on stage fright/public speaking, worth looking it up if you want some practical and well evidenced tools. I know one of the replies above mentions propranolol, and that is an option potentially but remember that medication for anxiety can be a fix for the physical symptoms of it, but it doesn’t address the underlying psychological/emotional pathways that make anxiety crop up when we don’t always need it. And it is very VERY possible to manage anxiety provoking situations without medication - but unfortunately many people don’t know that.

Thank you @StaleCrumbs that is so helpful! I'm realising today that due to other work dramas my nervous system is probably in overdrive already so I'm going to spend time doing what you suggested (I'm not speaking until this evening). Also I read that it's the adrenaline that makes the shaky voice so I need to spend time today releasing the adrenaline already in my system, maybe a quick brisk walk will do the job.

Lots of luck for this evening @FlatSnuffy ! Getting ourside and walking will be brilliant for that.

Another tip people don’t know about is keeping your blood sugars stable (we realease stress hormones if they’re up and down). There’s great research to show a really good portion of protein at breakfast (around 25g) keeps them stable for the majority of the day. Three well balanced meals which include a decent amount of protein will help. Try to limit caffeine as it increases the heart rate (a physical symptom of anxiety which feeds back to the brain which then makes the anxious thoughts stronger). And alcohol actually increases anxiety in the long run (Im not saying don’t ever drink, but if you’re going to do some public speaking, don’t drink the night before. Hangxiety is real!)

just so you don’t think I’m completely mad…. I specialise in managing anxiety in my job…!

@StaleCrumbs thank you so much! I've been meaning to tackle this and now I'm inspired to do it properly. I think I felt at the mercy of my nerves but it helps me to understand the why and that actually there are physical steps I can take to manage it.

Well thank you @StaleCrumbs , it went well! I didn't have any caffeine after breakfast. I had protein rich meals and a snack beforehand. I went for a brisk walk at lunch and practiced my starting words until it didn't make me feel nervous. I did lots of slow breathing and even turned my camera off a few times in the run up to my speaking slot if I felt the anxiety rising. I practised my piece both if I had enough time or if I had to rush until I felt good about both. And I practiced the speaking as if I was doing it in real life and faked being bubbly and funny and confident until it felt automatic. So actually a lot of prep that I wouldn't have done normally and it did help a lot.

Im so pleased @FlatSnuffy!! It’s amazing what you can do when you harness the ol’ nervous system isn’t it!

onwards and upwards for you now!🤗