difficult colleague

[ilovesushi]

I'd just like to get a steer on how to handle this situation. I have been leading a big planning project for about a year and was asked to present it to the department (about 40 people) on teams. The project has been approved and will start running next year. I am really proud of the work and it was a huge undertaking and the approval process was very rigourous.

I have a colleague who I like as a person but it known to be difficult. I am one of the few people who will work with her but I actually feel that I can't any more. She was involved in this project only in a very minor peripheral way. Towards the end of my presentation she butted in with her camera off and told me quite aggressively that I was wrong about a very very small detail and it wouldn't be approved and was problematic. She then talked over me as I tried to give additional clarification and sniggered at my explanation then fell silent. No thanks for explaining. The meeting was recorded and I've looked back at it.

She then sent a very long ranting email to me and my senior manager insinuating that I am incompetent, unaware of regs and processes, the work is problematic, misguided and uninformed and won't be approved. This is all absolute bullsh*t. I am absolutely professional, very informed and very competent. The work has been approved and we have had amazing feedback from multiple sources.

I feel hurt on a personal level and very annoyed on a professional level. I will speak to my line manager but I know he won't do anything.

I'd reply to her email addressing each point.
Her: this project falls foul of restrictions per regulation XYZ.
You: confirmed by Legal Team (copied) that we are in compliance with Reg XYZ.

Etc etc.
I would also add a pass agg comment about Teams call etiquette and not talking over the main speaker. But that is because I'm a cow.

I would not reply to her at all.

Leave her out of the whole thing from now on.

Is she responsible for signing off or delivering any part of the Project?

If you put aside the extremely unhelpful way in which she provided feedback, is there any smidge of what she's said that could be helpful/base you've not already covered?

Just reply 'noted' and then ignore. She will have made a tit of herself in front of everyone so I don't think you need to worry.

Agree. Don't reply. Or if you do just say something like "respectfully, I disagree."

Don't feed the trolls.

If you're one of the few who will, how do the others not work with her? Can you also not work with her from now on? Cite her extreme unprofessionalism

Thank you all so much for replying!

Since yesterday she has sent another two extremely long ranting emails which I can't be bothered to read but according to my senior manager (cc.ed in) appear to be along the same lines with demands for an urgent meeting.

I replied to her first email in very polite, brief and factual terms. I won't reply to the others. I was so tempted to add some kind of sarky comment but resisted.

@Whataretheodds the aspect she was disputing relates to her area and could potentially mean a very minor change for her next year in how we deliver something. I looked at it today with a my senior manager to see the impact on this colleague and her workload but it is miniscule. It is also watertight in terms of compliance.

I think it comes from a place of extreme anxiety around any sort of change. Previously when I've tried to discuss changes with her she has got very angry and upset to the point of tears so much so I've had to end the conversation prematurely. I think her distress is real but it is also highly manipulative and designed to shut me down. If I need to have any difficult conversations with her now I get a third party in and if it is more formal I get it minuted. By the way I am a very lovely smiley person, not the sort of person whose conversations usually end in tears!

I am not sure how people get out of working with her but I am going to find out! I'm also going to raise with my line manager her lack of professionalism.

Thanks for listening!

You've gone online and published a detailed and pejorative account of a work colleague and situation that will be identifiable to the people involved.

How professional are you?

I don't think it's identifying at all. She hasn't even mentioned the industry she works in

It’s really not that identifiable. There are tonnes of women leading projects with difficult colleagues.

I think the bigger problem seems to be your line manager. If they are not going to do anything about it, then it’s going to be a very long slog. I wouldn’t ignore her, as that’s unprofessional. Address her points in writing and leave it at that. I’d probably be looking for a new job if my line manager was like this!

I'm shocked your manager won't back you up.

thats disgraceful after you've achieved so much. Do you think they're jealous of your success is it a man

I'd plan for her interruptions in future and make sure I was already covered in every angle of her work.

And I'd get her manager's approval before anything hit her area.

And potentially would do any future presentations on days she was on leave.

@user1846385927482658

are you the colleague 🤣🤣🤣

@daisychain01 yes he is a man.
@Quitelikeit I hope not!!!!! 😅