Unable to talk in meetings - is it me or the other person?

[PeachesAndTea]

I suffer with anxiety and imposter syndrome at work. I am a quieter person by nature and tend not to want to be the loudest in the room etc but always the most friendly and approachable (as per feedback).

My new work colleague (who was hired by my bosses, as a friend) has come into the business and completely taken over. She chairs the meetings (fine) but talks the entire time, very slowly, sometimes saying the same things in 3 different ways.

I am struggling to get a word in edge ways and I’m beginning to lose my confidence. I spent an entire zoom meeting on mute this morning whilst said colleague went on and on, taking credit for my work and ideas. She ended up being asked to present this work in a directors meeting next month, which I haven’t been invited to. I have not been told she is above me - I think my bosses find it awkward as before she joined, I was the best thing ever.

she is nice and we get on well. But I think she is just aiming to please our boss and doesn’t care who she steps on to get there. I also think there is a bit of favouritism happening as they are friends outside of work and have worked together previously.

It’s not even like I can approach my boss about how she overtalks in meetings and takes over my work, because they are friends and I know he thinks the sun shines out her backside.

I am quiet and get on with my work.

sometimes I wonder why I was even hired. I don’t have a voice and I am likely not seen as a ‘strong’ person.

You need to pratice butting in and doing a rude intruption when she takes credit for your work. In an ideal world you dont allow her the chance to do that to begin with.

I would suggest a system where a fromal agenda for meetings is circulated where you are allocated time to present your idea/work.
To pratice get a stand for your phone and record youself giving presentations

You need to raise the issue of her saying that she had done X or come up with idea Y as an issue with your manager. And dont give allow your managet a free pass just because they are friends otherwise she will end up with better pay and any promotion that is available earned off your contributions.

Are you discussing your work / ideas with her and not documenting this or is your manager passing in your work to her?

I find interrupting people extremely hard. I find it quite hard to speak in meetings anyway but have always managed to get my point across (until colleague joined).

we discuss work together and she is the one who then ‘presents’ it. automatically it looks like she is doing all the work and I have done nothing.

i do think my boss is also giving her some of my work now and it’s not been discussed.

honestly I want to resign but only been there a year

It must be a horrible experience for you, I'm very sorry you are going through this.

Whatever else you do, I would encourage you to you update your cv and start looking around for a new job.

Getting a much better job, where you are valued for what you naturally bring to the role is much sweeter revenge that trying to change your essential disposition to succeed at work.

I worked with someone like this and unfortunately you do at some point have to interrupt and say excuse me can I just add here that etc etc etc.

This is face to face meetings? At least in online you can put a virtual hand up. Can you add something to the agenda prior to meeting? I can be quiet in meetings...I didnt speak at all in team meeting today for instance. Some good advice I had was to speak within first few minutes of meeting starting, even if its just ' does anyone want the window open?' etc, to get your throat open then its easier to keep going.

You need to step up! If your job involves generating and sharing ideas then you need to speak out. You can't blame your colleague.

I have been trying extremely hard to get a word in without being rude and have tried ‘stepping up’ as much as possible. Sometimes I feel like the only way I will be heard is if I shout! Which is just not in my nature.

Face to face is easier. The virtual calls are the worst, even when I raise my hand, I get ignored!

Tell her beforehand that you want to present it.

Re-reading, it sounds like your boss is pushing you out. In that case, you can either fight back or move on. If you're good (and you sound like you are) then hopefully you can find something else?

I've been somewhere where my "face doesn't fit", it's horrible.

Thanks all. I think this is just a wider issue. I realise that she is now starting to take over my work/boss me around. I don’t have the chance to do anything because she ‘gets there first’. My boss is either fine with this or she’s too busy to realise. We have not had any type of 1-1 catch up for over 3 months. I may request some time with her and go from there.

Why aren’t people a bit more self-aware? I would never tread on peoples toes like this. Honestly it is getting me so down and becoming all I can think about. So much of my self worth is based on my performance at work. I feel like I am being suffocated and not being given room to grow or do my basic job.

Maybe they don’t know how they come across.

I’m working with someone as a oppo bit like this with the mgr and very bossy and stressy that there isn’t enough work for two people. It makes me giggle she’ll say should I answer that call when the phone rings and gives me the post to process having been only minutes from moaning there is nothing to do. I just kind of tell myself perhaps that is typical of someone who wants to work in the police force at the level she is trying for so try to rationalise it in my mind.