Toughen up

[Cocoadream]

Please can I have some tips on toughening up a bit?

I have recently moved departments from a more customer focused area to a more administrative based area. The language used is SO different. I'm a bit sensitive anyway but I'm finding most interactions I have here kind of upsetting.

2 examples this week have been, I put something together and I wanted to ensure it was up to standard as there had been problems with this area for my predecessor previously. The person in charge just said 'I don't have time for this'.

I also had a senior member of staff accuse me of getting the wrong end of the stick because I'd not read an email properly - it wasn't this, I just misunderstood.

I am really used to being treated kindly and I will always do the same no matter who I'm speaking to.

Any advice?

I've experienced this. Would you consider going back to your previous role? Maybe this just doesn't suit your personality type. However if you give it a bit more time you might find you begin to settle and it might be just getting used to new people. I've got no advice on toughening up because I've never really managed it myself.

When this happens to me I end up being so extra nice to them, in the hope they'll feel bad. Sorry to hear how you are spoken to, not nice I know.

Thank you for being kind. My old job is no longer vacant and honestly the hours were terrible, these fit a lot better around my home life. I think I'm getting better dealing with these challenging personalities. I'm just keen not to change my own manner. I don't want to become rude, I still want to treat people with compassion, patience and kindness no matter how busy I am. I can see however how easy it is the get sucked in by all this and lose the will to be nice.

Maybe it's just a case of getting used to it.

Is it possible that your idea of being patient and kind is coming across as arselicking, dithery and time wasting? (Sorry, being as direct as I can) For example, with the work checking, did you directly say that you know there have been problems and want to check, or did you wrap it up in so much sugar that your boss thought you were needy and didn't understand why you were asking? If they're used to communicating directly, they might be struggling to understand you.

Of course, it's also possible they're just stressed, inpatient arseholes!

This is a really good post actually.

Also don't forget timing can play a massive role. I don't have time for this (right now maybe?) means exactly that for some people. It's nothing personal. It's all about them and their day.

Have you ever read nice girls don't get the corner office? I'd really recommend it.