Just seen the perfect full-time job then realised I can't leave my dc's......

[canofworms]

I've worked part-time (very part-time, only 2 days/week) since dd1 was born 7 years ago.

I sometimes struggle with this as me and dh were at similar points in our careers at this time and he now gets to travel the world, is involved in national protocol development whereas I bring home just enough to cover childcare costs for the 3 dc

Just an hour ago, by accident, I found a job on our intranet that I fulfilled all the criteria for and with a couple of years of extra study could actually triple my salary. BUT, it would have to be full-time.

At the point of clicking on the "apply now" button I realised I can't do it. I can't miss out on being at home with dd3 (even though it's mundane 90% of the time). I can't miss out on picking dd1 and dd2 from school. I can't stop preparing them their tea from scratch because I've got the time and encourage them to try new foods. I can't stop taking them to their after-school clubs that they enjoy. I can't stop sitting down every night and listening to their day at school and helping them to read. I can't let someone else care for my baby when I was there for my older 2.

There are just so many reasons why "I can't" the list goes on, yet I really want to get on in my career.

This argument I know goes on forever for all working mothers and I don't know I even want a reply but thanks for listening to this rant.....

It's really tough. How old is your youngest dc? I went full time when my dd was 5. It is hard work (see my other post called 'how do you cope with a difficult job!) but I do love the work 90% of the time. And it keeps a (nice) roof over our heads.
But I do wish I didn't have to work quite so much.
God it's such a difficult one isn't it?

don't know what the answer is but jus wanted you to know someone had read this. I only have one ds (18wks) and don't know what i'm gonna do about going back to work. Will there be more oppertunities like this once the youngest is a bit older? Maybe you could wait a year or two and then really go for it with your career once you feel you've done the early bit with the dc?

Thanks you 2,

I actually love my job at the moment, I feel I have a good balance between being at home and working. I'm always on some course or another because I love it! I'd planned on doing another couple of courses maybe over the next 4 years and then increasing my hours to something tht pays decently.

DD3 is only 13 months so v. little. This would tie in with my original plan as she would then be at school. But it seems so fara away.......

ooh what a tricky one!
I would give yourself a day or two to really think/talk it through with your dh. You say you only found the job an hour ago, so at the moment it'll all be gut reaction. To go back to your OP, you're being very emotive about what you won't be able to do - listen to the kids read, cook their tea etc. Having a full time job doesnt mean you can't do those things you know! You just find different ways of working around things. eg if you cooked from scratch, say twice a week on weekdays and then at the weekend,would it really be the end of the world? Of course not! If your children are picked up from school by a CM/go to after school club, is that the end of the world? no! You may find they even enjoy it!
Forget about feeling you have to do exactly the same for your 3rd child as you did for the first two. You don't. I went back to work P/T when dd1 was 3 months old because we needed the money and maternity leave used to be shorter. I was at home for longer with dd2 and ds. Children are individuals anyway, so the sooner you get rid of the impossible notion of trying to treat them all equally, the easier you'll make things for yourself. Finally, what are the chances of something like this job coming up in the future? If it's a really amazing opportunity, think about the downside of not taking it. It may be a case of compromising now for the sake of long term benefits. I returned to full time work when my last dc was quite small still, and to be honest, when I look at contemporaries of mine who gave up work or were P/T for many years, I know I did the right thing. Some of them have had to go right back to the bottom of the ladder career wise.
Obviously if you really can't face full time, then there's no decision to be made, you need to remain with the status quo. But I would give it some serious thought about how you can work around the potential problems. Good luck

I understand your pain. I am a SAHM at the moment and really want to retrain as I don't want to go back to the job I did years ago. However, the commitment required to retrain is so huge that I know I will have to do it full-time, at least for a while, and that as a result I am going to miss out on some much of my children's day and so much of what I like about being at home for them. On the other hand, if I don't do it now where will I be in 10 yrs time when they don't want me so much and I am old!

So I keep putting it off, and while I am putting it off, I am getting older and of course that means that when I decide to commit to something it will be even more difficult to get training and get a job.

I too am hung up on the idea that I have to treat DS2 the same as DS1 but Alfiesbabe is right that it is silly to think like this. I am never going to be able to do that because even if I went to go back to work in 10 years time, DS1 will have had more time with me at home than DS2 will get.

I have no answers I am afraid. I keep hoping that something will drop into my lap and be exactly what I am looking for but who knows. I have another 6 mths of DS2 at home so I haven't reached a crossroads the same as you have, now you have found your dream job. All I can suggest is that you think about how you will feel in 20 years time if you take the job and how you imagine you will feel if you don't. Which route do you think you would regret not taking if you had the benefit of that 20 years of hindsight?

I hope it all works out for you though and you find what makes you happy.

Can you do the same in a few years' time?
These years while they're little are so prescious imo. I work one day a week and that's enough for now till dc are older.

How difficult is this?

I do think this job won't come up again for a while but it's not necessarily one I was aiming for in the first place IYSWIM

I left my job after dd1 and regretted it so much as I was literally placed at the bottom of the career ladder when I went back. Have now worked my way half way back up it but this may just give me the boost I need.

Have to say. my dc love after-school club and nursery so that isn't an issue - they probably would prefer it to me cooking some fancy bloody tea for them maybe!

I have a long weekend of thinking ahead of me - any more advice greatfully received!

If you think your dc will be happy then go for it.

I think if you don't apply you will always wonder "what if". My advice would be to apply and then see what happens. You can always turn it down if you were offered it and felt unable to do it but equally you might find that you are more able to leave your children than you thought and that you can in fact have the best of both worlds (or, if not the best, then at least both worlds). I would encourage you to go for it.

canofworms, another job will come up, but you'll never get these years back with your lo's

I think you're doing the right thing. I think it's about work-life balance for each and every individual.

I know where you're coming from too ... I worked full-time in a prestigious role .. gave it up when first child was 17 months .. promised myself I would at the very least see last child through reception year before returning to work.

Now find myself contemplating becoming a teacher because I cannot stand the thought of my children being in childcare during their holidays.

I have made a choice which feels right for me.

I am sure you will make a choice which feels right for you.

work is work and not be be-all and end-all if you are in the fortunate position to not need to to keep a roof over your heads.

family is family and more important to me

if you apply, get it and turn it down and it's an internal position you will REALLY piss people off that you don't want to particularly piss off

canofworms - your last post is really interesting because it's clear your children are really happy at after school club and nursery. Which suggests that the feelings you describe in your OP are more about you than your children - ie you feel you should be there every day cooking tea etc.I think that's all perfectly normal stuff, by the way, I'm not being critical at all, just trying to give an objective viewpoint. I think a lot of mothers get very hung up on this, and the danger is that you can then translate this in your mind into believing you are making decisions for your kids' sake rather than your own IYSWIM.
Try to get rid of the notion that full time work means you dont get time with your children. It's nonsense, and no one would dream of suggesting this to dads who work!! You are a parent 100% of the time, whether your children are at school, nursery or with a childminder part of the time. Your two older children are at school anyway, so for a large chunk of the day it wont make any difference!
Niecie's post is good - try to imagine yourself into the future (hard I know!). When your kids are preschool, it's difficult to look beyond that. But your children are gradually becoming more independent all the time, and that's absolutely the way it should be - they need to learn to be confident and adaptable people in the real world. They won't thank you if in 5 or 10 years time you're bored and not using your talents and skills.
You've got a tough decision to make, but it's also exciting that you've got the dilemna really!

canofworms, these moments you described with your kids are so precious, why should you miss them, esp as they only last for a few years ... i would wait til your youngest is a bit older if poss

have you decided yet?