Hi I’m not really sure where I am going with this but needed somewhere to vent a little !
I’m a mum to two gorgeous children DS 3 and DD 1.5. I am currently working 4 days a week in a very demanding fast paced job. We have also taken on a huge house renovation.
I am very time poor. At the moment my son has changed nursery, been quite poorly and cannot bear to be away from me. He has been quite difficult lashing out to DD and biting, scratching and punching me. He WILL NOT go to be until well after 9pm (sometimes 10) even though we start the bedtime at 7:30 with bath and reading time. I actually cried in the office the other day as I’m averaging very little sleep. My partner says it’s my fault for not being harder on him.
I have started a new job which was meant to be slower paced and more flexible around childcare than my last job - however, I have been pushed into a role with much more responsibility than my initial job description - now line managing and advising on company structure, with an insane workload. My immediate boss is a nervous wreck and her energy really makes me feel down. She also has a habit of emotionally dumping on me when taking a walk at lunch. I am expected to work late and go on international business trips - which I did not agree to. They are also fighting me on working from home which was a key point I needed in flexibility to drop off collect from nursery. My boss has now stated that I never said these things, that I am lying and that I must go abroad due to business reasons. Unfortunately none of this was written down. Half my team is leaving at Christmas due to the terrible management. I am unhappy in my new role and don’t see it getting better.
We have taken on a huge house renovation - which while exciting - is a massive amount of work. We are doing the work on the only day my partner has off with the children (Sunday) as he works Tuesday to Saturday. This means I often have the children all day alone so he can focus on building work. We also work when we can most evenings well into the early hours. We are carefully managing our money to budget for works each month - so have very little left after the house renovation each month!
My partner is entering a very busy time at his work and often comes home very tired and grumpy. We don’t ever seem to get a break.
To say that I am exhausted is an understatement. Last week I felt so down and hopeless I couldn’t focus on my children on my day off. I have started job searching again for part time work / flexible hybrid arrangement but there is really very little out there in my field of work. I’m considering going back to teaching so I at least get the summer off with my children. This will have a dramatic cut to my pay however.
I guess I am looking for solidarity with other Mums trying to do it all - and to be told it will get better!! I have never felt so tired and lacking in energy in my whole entire life!