Full time + a toddler

[anotherbusymama]

Really need somebody to share some experiences! I know it’s different to everyone but I hope I’ll find a bit of me in your stories and they will help me to make the best decision.

I feel like it’s time for me (as a person) go back to working full time. I have an opportunity to go back and work from 12-8pm Mon to Fri. Which means my daughter would be at childminders from 11.30 to 17.30. I would still get to spend the mornings with her and see her after nursery even though I’ll be working until she goes to bed.

I have a very strange feeling and feel unsure. I am really confused as I want to progress on my career but at the same time I feel guilty not being sahm. I know it might sound stupid to some but I just want to hear some positive stories I guess?

fyi: I would be working from home!

I have always worked full time and I don't feel I'm not there for my children. With you working from 12-8, I think you'll be able to get to all the school assemblies. The difficult part might be when they are older and they want to do after school activities outside of school. But don't worry about it until she's older.

Go for it and grab this opportunity. You'll regret it if you don't. You can always quit if it's not for you.

I’ve worked full time as a teacher since my little one started nursery at 8 months. It’s hard work but it means we can afford to do lovely things together at weekends and holidays. We still spend an hour in the morning together and then a couple of hours after nursery before bed. He copes fine with this and I think it’s good for him to see the positive role modelling of working to support a family if you’re able to. I often work in the evening after I’ve put him to bed.

Is there any flexibility in your hours if you’re working from home to say, finish at 7 and then do bedtime routine til 8. Then start work again til 9?

OP seriously go for it. Don’t think twice. Use your brain, earn some money, set her an example, secure your future. There are literally NO downsides.

I would not because I like to be there for my children and give them stability when my husband schedule is all over the place.

But if your husband is there in the evenings to do that and you're fine with it then why not? It doesn't matter which parent is doing the bedtime routine. If you want to do it then you should, men wouldn't think twice 🤷‍♀️

I think the tricky bit will be the hours between 5.30 and 8 p.m. I presume your partner will be collecting your toddler and doing the bulk of the evening routine, otherwise you are going to have a tired child who is winding down after the day and doesn't understand why you are "home" but not there for stories, bath etc. It will be difficult to dip in and out to satisfy your desire to see her and spend some time together but then have to disappear back to your work. If you have some flexibility in your hours and can stop and make up the time after she has gone to bed then that will be tiring but workable but if you need to make calls or be in meetings during that time period and are trying to fit that around the bedtime routine then it is a surefire way to get your job off to a bad start.

I would say do it. I worked part time until my daughter was about 3 and worked full time ever since (she’s now 11). I was lucky to have family that gave her the stability. I’m a single parent so I really relied on them. As I progressed in my career and gained more seniority it became easier to take the mornings off for school plays and to make up the time afterwards - I feel I’ve worked in child friendly workplaces.

Our children learn a lot from our actions as much as what we say to them. If working is something that you want to do and can do, then do so.

I would say go for it if you can find childcare that works. My only downside has been, because obviously you get less time with the kids, the time u have, you wanna spend with them. Housework on top of that is just bonkers! I never have time to do everything, but I don’t wanna sacrifice time with the kids to do it! Look into things that can take the load off like a cleaner, maybe, if it fits in budget!

I worked full time when my daughter was 9 months. I was lucky that family helped till she was 2, then she went to playschool in the mornings and family in the afternoon. It was tough at times as i felt guilty and that i was misding out, but it enabled us to afford a better lifestyle and to make special memories. And i love how its made her independent and ive taught her that if you want something you work for it. She loved nursery and family, and if i was off would tell me to go to work! Haha
You will be fine! Good luck!

I went back to work when my kids were 8 months old. They were in childcare 4 full days a week.

I don't regret it at all. Quite aside from the fact we would have been bankrupt without me doing so, I wanted to go back and earn money, have some adult conversation that wasn't about babies.

They're 14 YO now and don't remember a single thing before pre-school.

100% this.....worked f/t all through my daughters childhoods, DH also worked away, just have to be super organised. My DD's are both incredible young ladies with great career paths ahead of them. It will be hard work but I'm a firm believer in happy mum, happy children. Good luck OP x

Go for it! Honestly I would love those hours

any chance of you taking your “lunch” at 5 every so often go pick her up? That would be a normal kinda time to break off

I’ve been working 45-50 hours a week since my little boy way 6 months old, my husband works full time too. It can be tiring but financially we need to.

otll set such a great example to her too x

Go for it, a toddler will be easier to do this with than an older child. As others have said I presume you have a partner working different hours who can cover the bedtime routine?

I returned to work full as a nurse when LO was 9 months. I would I haves to go part time but just can’t afford it. I work long days 7am-7.30pm. It’s been fine. A bit stressful at times but fine.
number 2 due in a few weeks and I’ll be returning to work (full time again 😔) at 8 months.

you have to do what is right for you xx

Do it! There's nothing to feel guilty about having a life outside of parenting.

My DC started nursery at 3 months FT. We have an amazing bond and I don't feel like I'm missing out because we still have quality time together.

I would like to give you some confidence about going back.
I went back when my daughter was 11m old
I had a tonne of holidays so used to do 4ish days most weeks.
also due to covid and lots of flexibility I used to get up at 5.30ish when she needed a feed anyway - get her back off to sleep she's go down till about 7.30 but I'd be in work by like 6am! Then home by no later than 3pm and had a good few hours with her awake before her bedtime
she did 2 full days in nursery and her dad had her 2 days and then he worked on my day off and nursery days and at the weekend!
and yes it was exhausting
but for us it worked
she thrived
the extra time with her dad converted her from a true mummy only baby ! (Ebf!) to having this incredible bond with him.
we minimized cost of childcare

the downside for us was lack of time as a family and then when we changed thing and we got more time as a family we actually found it hard to adjust to that 🤣 as we'd got soo used to essentially co parenting!

fir us financially me not going back wasnt an option so I never gave it a second thought

was it way harder than it was on maternity I was significantly more tired, I had less time to clean, cook, shop

I had no time to myself save for commute whereas on mat leave I could get dad to give me a day ti myself on occasion!

Do it. We had similar setup as I WFH. They soon get used to a new ‘normal’. It’s great now as he’s now 6.5 and I work away and get get back at midnight some days. My husband does this too. He’s equally happy with either of us so bedtimes are totally hassle free.

if you don’t do it you may regret not trying. If you do it and it doesn’t work, you change the situation.

don’t live with regret.

I went back to work full-time when DS was 8 months. DP took shared parental leave so he was 11 months starting nursery. It is tough but it gets easier and easier. And so worth it. DS is almost three now and in that time I've been promoted twice and increased my salary by over 50%. I feel like the key years for my career coincided with me having DS and if I hadn't gone back I would be in a much weaker career position now. I do want to work full time still but am thinking of other ways to spend more time with DS like taking unpaid leave over the summer .

So basically I'm saying what everyone else is. Do it, it will almost certainly be worth it and the opportunities you unlock will give you more options down the road.

Personally I wouldn't do full time but I know people who do and seem happy.

Who would be watching your toddler 5.30 - 8pm? If it's you while trying to work that is a recipe for disaster. If it's your partner and you can spend the morning with your toddler and then pop in for a bit of bedtime that sounds OK.

Definitely go to work. I would find those hours hard because bed time stories and cuddles are such an important part of my toddler routine. But if your DP regularly does those and is on for making it work. Then go for it.