Will I regret taking a huge step back?

[tweetypi]

I'm currently in a good job, earning good money as a member of SLT. The work is hard but I enjoy the variety. I'm currently on mat leave with my 2nd child and would need to go back full time. I feel quite suffocated by this. I've enjoyed picking DC1 up from school each day and going to baby groups with DC2.
I'm considering going back to basics in my career and taking a job 3 days a week with much less responsibility. This would give me much more time with my children. My heart is saying do it. My head is concerned I'll never build my career back up and my pension/savings will take a hit.
Financially we can get by on the reduced salary, we'll just need to trim the fat.
Those of you with older children who are further down the line - what would you do? Did you have a similar choice to make and how do you feel it went?

The older my kids get, the happier I am that we have 2 very good incomes and solid pensions. They aren’t getting cheaper as they get older and we are able to give them a pretty nice lifestyle and options.

That said, my DH was off work for 2 weeks recently and it was really nice to come home and find they had done their spellings and music practice; evenings were much less stressful.

We have no family help so pay a lot for child care and have no slack in the evenings. I guess would you rather worry about money or time?

i did the same when my dc were little. I went from a middle leader role to 3 days a week main scale and never regretted it. I missed the money and we had to make sacrifices but it really worked for us as a family. Now dc are older I’ve moved up the ladder again and now hold a senior post. My age and experiences lower down really helped and I always did extras at work and kept up with the latest training. I’m planing on moving further up the ladder and adding to my pension pot.

I did this and I don't regret it one bit.

I did this too and also don't regret it.

It does mean I've had to continue working for LONGER but I'd rather be out working now, when the kids have gone, than to have been out working when they were little.

It was a happy and stress free time. You can always make more money you can never make more time

I went down to 3 days and was able adult able to go back up to 5 day ten years later - so it worked well

I stayed in my senior role but dropped to 25hrs on my return from my 2nd mat leave. Since then I've gone to 30hrs in a different organisation, and been promoted internally there.

It has got to be possible for women to hold a senior role and be present for her children. I understand that it's not for everyone, and I'm constantly juggling, but it has got to be a choice for us to make for ourselves and our family.

It's so sad that so many just aren't give the option by their employers.

I worked PT for 6 years when my DC were little and went back FT when youngest was in Y1. I don't regret it at all - I worked mornings so was able to pick them up from school every day and we just had more time for nice things especially at the weekend as I tried to get household bits during the week.

I would definitely recommend dropping to part time if you can. Working full time with kids is exhausting, and I’m the same as you, I’d also want to do the school run. I think after school clubs can be really tiring for very young children, and I’ve seen firsthand how childminders who do wraparound care plonk them in front the tv and don’t given them attention.

Thank you, some great advice here. We're lucky to have a lot of family close but I'm finding it both a blessing and a curse - it's great that they can pick the kids up and look after them but it's freeing me up to do some pretty crazy hours at work and I'm starting to feel pretty envious of the time theyre spending with my DC. It's reassuring to hear that some of you have stepped down and then back up. When my children are older I definitely want to get back into a senior role - my current job is amazing but it just doesn't feel like the right time.
I had my flexi request turned down and I think it's tipped me over the edge! It's definitely giving me a chance to consider options that I wouldn't have previously.

I've done 3 days week for years. It was really important for me to be able to do the nursery and school pick ups some of the week and DH has been totally in support of this.
I was fortunate though I work in healthcare and part-time is regularly accommodated without having to lose seniority. The skills and experience the person has are welcomed and recognised.

So I would say try to get into an industry or company that values the significant contribution part-time working parents make and work your way up back into a more senior position as and when you can. You'll be able to increase your hours again in the future.

Not quite the same situation but I have someone who works with me in a senior role. She was in a similar senior role before covid but was made redundant. For over a year to make ends meet she worked in Tesco on the tills (nothing wrong with that just a big pay drop). When she was recruited by my organisation they just looked at her skills and experience and did not question the gap.

I think women have been sold a bit of a myth that they can't pick their careers back up.

They can in a labour shortage. And even if they have to refresh and update their skills for a year beforehand that's not much time really.

Working for almost 50 years gives ample opportunity to take a few years out

I took about 4 years out altogether. I eventually got bored being at home full time (when DD2 was 18mo) and realised how much of my sense of identity was tied to my work, and how important that was to me. I went back in and had to slowly climb my way back up. I had heavy childcare costs for the pre school years and worked part time. I am now back to the level I was pre kids. I am however also happy I took that time out when they were little. There was financial loss but for me, the time with them was more important. I have never been a huge earner though and lifestyle is modest. Good luck with your decision.

Personally, I would suck it and see for 6 months. It can be hard going back and climbing the ladder - and doesn’t work out for everyone. Also pensions and income are important for me for security.

have you worked out what the impact could be to your pension/retirement? Would you have to work much longer? What about helping your kids financially in the future?

Could your DH reduce his hours down/apply for flexible working to give you an opportunity to go back for a while?

Hi I have done this and don't regret it at all. Yes we have to think a bit more carefully about money but, I know that the time I get with my children I will never have again. Even though my DC are teens it is lovely to be at home when they get in (not every day as I do 13 hour days), they are GCSE years and I know they really appreciate the support, it is the little things they need.
I am aware that if money changed drastically I would have to go full time again, and I probably will once they have left high school anyway.

Hey OP, I was in a similar boat to you.

I left my professional role when my youngest was 18 months old, I was exhausted and felt I was both a subpar mum and subpar worker. I know now this was because i was trying to essentially fulfil two full time roles. Impossible.

For the next 6/7 years I either didn't work, or I studied, or a worked part time in lower roles, with family top priority. It was great for us and for me. My DH reminded FT.

With the kids a bit older, I'm now doing a FT fixed term role (3 years) to achieve a new updated professional qualification and then will have an SLT wage again, and the choice to work PT. DC will be 12 and 14 by this point. I consider this investment for my future too as I can go full time once they have flown the nest if I want.

You're not alone in feeling the dread, and you'll be ok either way, you'll adapt. But you are not alone in questioning things.

You will never regret spending more time with your children. They are little for such a short time, you have your whole life to build your career back up.

I currently work 4 days but am seriously considering going down to 3 days.
My work is relentless, even at 4 days, and I usually spend most evenings and my 'day off' working at home.
Irrespective of the reason, I think you should follow your heart if circumstances allow. I really understand the way you describe how having family nearby 'frees you up' to work insane hours -snap! This is what I'm hoping to avoid with stepping back a bit: I'd like to think that my employer might walk back and redistribute some of the additional stuff I do. I need a rest and my DC need more of their mum.

I tried doing 4 days when I went back after DC1 and felt quite resentful that I was pretty much doing 100% of the work for 80% of the pay. That's what pushed me back to full time initially but now I'm thinking I went the wrong direction!

It's really reassuring to hear that people manage to make it back into SLT. I've calculated that my full time job would need me to work an average of 55 hours on a normal week (payslip says 32.5!!) and I'd only see my children for 10 hours Mon-Fri 😫 as they'd only be awake 7-7. That's not even adding in my commuting time and other life admin.
It's quite gutting to find out at this point in my life that the industry I've built my career in is so crap compared to others when it comes to part time working.

I'm a teacher and plateaued after my kids for 5 years going back to classroom teacher 4 days a week. Now back with more responsibility than before kids. However, worth considering that most places will let you leave early once a week for school run or whatever - that's what I do now. I'm on a FT contract but leave at 2 on a Thursday to pick kids up. Then when DH finishes at 5 I do a couple of hours of work from home.

I did it (more out if necessity as one of my children has a disability). It was hard and quite humbling to have to ‘work my way back up’ but I did it once my kids were in secondary school. They’re 18 and 15 now, I’m mid-40s and a senior leader. No regrets.

I took a step back and worked PT in the same industry while my DCs were in nursery and primary. I gradually increased my hours as they got older and now back to FT in a more senior role. Although it was tough financially, I am happy that I made that decision. DH works long hours and both juggling of work, sickness, school holidays, extra curricular activities and general household things was hard enough when I was PT and I cannot imagine how stressful it would be if I had been FT. I also had very little family support and did not want to have my DCs in childcare 830-6 5 days a week. I understand and appreciate that others do this and no judgement at all for this, it just was not something that I wanted.

Sounds like a sensible idea! Unless you’re a teacher, that is. I wouldn’t be recommending being in the classroom at all-run for the hills and do something else!

Sounds like a fine idea, but just let a limit on it, so you don’t zap your earning power long term.