Rude coworker

[nonamebetty2023]

I have recently started a new job and it has been going great. I really enjoy it as I have some background knowledge from a similar position, however this is far less stress.

The people in the office are lovely however yesterday I got shouted at by an extremely rude coworker.

I noticed his constant attitude, eye-rolling, snapping and rudeness a week into the job. He's constantly slagging off guests/clients. He's slagging everything and everyone off. Yesterday I asked him if he was okay as he seemed super distant and just depressed. I tried to have some banter with him as I'm always trying to have a good relationship with coworkers and the next thing I know is he's shouting at me to "shut up stop trying to tell me to cheer up I have fucking cancer"

So obviously it took me back by surprise and absolutely no one in the office batted an eye to the situation including the team leaders/supervisors? I told him I'm sorry and that was it. But I was dying to tell him that having cancer is not an excuse to be an asshole with everyone apart from the 2 people he speaks to in the office. I have grown up with several people in my friends and family circle having this horrible disease yet not once have they spoken like that to people.

I have a very odd feeling that he gets away with speaking like this to people because he's sick. Which I find absolutely shocking. Not many people in the office like him from what I gathered. His attitude is VILE.

How would you all deal with the situation?

I'd ignore him and if i absolutely had to interact with him I'd mirror his manner of communicating with me right back at him, unless overtly loud and aggressive and then I'd quietly remove myself immediately from any discussion with him.

Avoid interacting about anything other than work going forwards. You say you were 'trying to have banter' which could be annoying. Doesn't make his behaviour ok - discuss that with your line manager.

I would restrict all conversation to essential work related topics and the minimum that common courtesy requires.

Stop 'trying to have banter' that's as irritating and inappropriate at work as his behaviour.

And leave him to it.

That's fair.

To be honest it wasn't annoying, I am a bit quiet. It was more on the tone of respectful and smiling than proper banter you'd have with friends. We did have a lovely chat the day before but he does seem quite snappy out of the blue...

Although I'd like to know how him talking about penises with his line manager is appropriate fun during work and no one gets warned about that? I found that a bit odd on the first week.

Ignore him totally unless you absolutely have to interact with him for work purposes.

That being said, also look at yourself. If you actually told a relatively new coworker to "cheer up" I think you were out of line.

I completely understand where you're coming from. I do think the "cheer up" depends on the tone and it wasn't even a proper banter you'd have with your friends. I wasn't being annoying or condescending at all. It's something friendly even managers would say in a quiet office when all they hear is typing and to get conversations going.
In my career (10 years) I've never worked anywhere where this is such a taboo/issue, and I certainly haven't been spoken to like this by a coworker. We all know our boundaries and a bit of light-hearted conversation is not an excuse to talk like that to your colleagues (apart from his 2 favourites) who irritate everyone with disgusting personal conversations during the day. And negativity in the office due to his attitude towards clients and people is almost unheard of. The person who started with me has also been treated like crap by this person. She's still learning and her messing up is irritating him to the core. Of course the TL's don't do anything.

Chalk it up and feed back to your line manager if you feel it's impacting on you . Don't try for small talk with this person he's not your friend. Do your job and be polite and professional

Telling someone to cheer up isn't banter. It's hurtful and fucking annoying. I've had people say it to me a handful of times and there were bloody good reasons I wasn't cheerful i.e. stress, depression, ill health, family member's cancer, bereavement...he shouldn't have snapped but not should your banter be making them feel like snapping.

I agree with @Yesnomaybeok . Being told to 'cheer up' would give me the absolute rage.

No, I wouldn't react as this person did, but please learn some manners and don't ever tell anyone to 'cheer up' again. It's rude.

it sounds to me as if you misjudged the situation. ‘Cheer up’ is maddening, and you keep saying ‘not like proper banter you’d have with friends’ — you’re brand new in this work environment, and it’s not on you to ‘jolly things along’ if people are quiet. Do you generally have difficulty reading the room?

Keep out of his way. You've had your fingers burnt. Lesson learned x