DH has totally unrealistic expectations of me going back to work!

[WallOfSilence]

Basically I am about to finish a degree in journalism.

I have a meeting with the editor of our local paper this week to discuss work experience & to talk over my post graduate course.

I want to do the post grad course & it has a 100% employment rate at the end of it. The only thing is that it is very competitive with only 16 places & usually over 60 applicants.

Dh, however, has been pointing out stupid jobs for me in the 'jobs' pages of another paper. One was for a magazine journalist & it didn't ask for NCTJ exams or PG/MA degrees, just a knowledge of computers etc.. basically my degree course would be ideal as I have covered everything they asked for experience wise.

BUT the job is 50 miles away.

Starting time... 8am

Ending time... 5pm

Travel time of 90 mins each way. Means leaving the house at 6.30am (after getting the kids up & getting them ready) plus no childminder around here is willing to start at this time, I know this from experience.

His job is long hours too & he wouldn't be here to put them out to school.

I just can't get him to understand that it just isn't feasible for me to work out that many hours a day..all the money I earn would go to the childminder (if I could get one, which I wouldn't!) & I would never see my children

He's not against me doing the PG course, but thinks I am employable without it (more fool him!)

When I tried to explain how it would benefit us all if I went to see the local guy, got my name known & did some work experience, we ended up having an argument, as even though he is 100% supportive of my studying, I think he's fed up with the outlay & no income!

It wouldn't hurt to get my name down & could benefit us in the long run as when I say 'local' I mean 5 miles from our house, a 10 minute drive on a main road....

How can I really make him see sense without having another row?

ermm - you could let him see you "apply" for the job that's totally unfeasible and then tell him you didn't get it???

Sorry - not much help just didn't want to ignore your thread as you've been posting on mine

What kind of journalism do you want to end up doing?
The experience on the local paper will take you down one route, the magazine will take you down another.
How important are the additional qualifications to you? (they're not all that important to ALL editors, but are important to some)
Have you got to factor childcare into your day too? If so, the day sounds very long indeed.

Thanks FAQ

I could I suppose... but then is that not leading them on if i'm not in the position to take it?

Although I could say I applied for it but not post it?

But I don't really want to do that... I want him to understand how daft it would be to look for jobs that far away from home, in a city I have never even driven in! (so more issues!)

I want local print journalism.

I want to be in the community I live in/around.

I want to focus on local people, local issues.

Not write for a magazine.

He just thinks I can do anything (not much pressure then).

The local paper group were in university for a talk a few months ago & said they did indeed want the qualifications, but one of my tutors (a great lady) told me to go & sell myself.. tell them I am a mature lady, have local knowledge, am here to stay as I have children at the school, won't leave them for a far flung land etc...

but for this week all I am going to focus on is getting work experience from him! I have made up a portfolio of court reports, council meetings & a couple of features I have written so he can see my writing style.

Well yes I was thinking more along the lines of let him sit and watch you fill in teh application form and take it out to post......but then somehow losing it between home and postbox LOL.

ok how about suggest that HE gets up with the children, sorts them out, finds a childminder (and works out how much it'll cost a week/month and then compare with what you'd actually earn at the job) , drops them off at the childminder and picks them up again at the end of the day?

Oh I don't know I'm cr*p at this - hopefully someone that knows what they're talking about will be along soon

Good points from champagne. Also, think about what your long term plans are if you do get on the postgrad course - ie: what sort of jobs would you be looking for when you complete it? Are you going to run into the same sorts of issues - ie: jobs too far away? There are so many different sorts of journalism it's a bit difficult to advise. But the kind of jobs your dh is suggesting sound unrealistic tbh. Is he feeling the pressure of being sole earner? - maybe he's trying to tell you this is a roundabout way!! There would certainly be jobs you can do nearer to home if it's a case of bringing the pennies in. I think the post grad plan sounds fine provided you as a family can afford it, and also if you have a clear idea of your employability at the end of it.

Have sent this to a MNer who's a local newspaper journalist - am not much use myself as am both a magazine hack and utterly unqualified.

Sounds like he is trying to be helpful and take an interest in the way that only some men can be and has now thrown a cave man strop because his fairly feeble efforts have not been duly appreciated and maybe he has unvoiced concerns about being the only breadwinner.

At least he has the right profession if not the right town and right hours. I don't think you should pretend to apply for a job as lying to him really isn't going to help.

Just keep on doing what you are doing. I wouldn't bother spending too much effort trying to make him understand why that particular , your energy is better placed moving forward positively towards your goals. Once he sees results then I'm sure he will be supportive once more.

Oh whoops got distracted mid sentence, plus alfiesbabe had already made the point about being the sole breadwinner.

my dh (now ex!!) was like this. He used to point at jobs for me that were an hour and a half away, 5 days a week, or else it would be night shifts in some supermarket (er, hello, when would i ever sleep?)

Then when i said i just physically couldnt do any of the jobs he suggested, he would go on and on about how lazy i was, and say i only had kids so i didnt have to work! (but i actually was/am working 3 days a week as a nanny, 40mins away, but apparently that wasnt enough to be a real job)

Tell him to sort out the kids getting to school, making their lunches, doing their afterschool stuff & homework, rushing to pick up from childminders' etc. You can just bask in the glory of working, and nothing else...

it sounds like the portfolio you are building up sounds perfect

could you write to the other company (50 miles away one) and say you can work on a freelance basis and offer to go for a meeting/chat so they can put a face to the name? might work and might keep dp happy - good practice for you too

Thanks

He has said he doesn't know if we can afford for me to do the MA, but tbh I know we will find a way, providing I get on to the course.

I know I have a lot of support from my female tutor especially. She has told me that if she were a newspaper editor she would bite my arm off and to give the editor her name & she will give me a fab reference, so I guess that's something.

MI Thank you very much, though I am probably not local to you or the other MNer being that I am in NI But any advice would be appreciated.

The thing is, that even though I am going to see the editor re: work experience, there is also a vacancy for a full time reporter on this paper...but they want someone with shorthand (which I don't have & won't learn until the MA course)! bugger!

But but but you don't need an MA course for shorthand.

Get yourself to Amazon right now and buy Ann Dix's T-line book www.shorthandworld.co.uk/r1.html

If you want to stay local and work on this paper highlighting the issues that are important to you, then it sounds to me as though that MA may be gilding the lily - esp if you as a family need to be earning.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for getting as qualified as you can but if there was a f/t position you would be learning on the job - you could go to evening classes for shorthand and be getting much more experience than an MA would possibly give you.

just apply for ma course, and promise dh that if you dont get on it you will get a suitable job that allows you to take care of yours and his JOINT responsibilities.
Can you do the ma part time to take some pressure off?

Also - what newgirl said.

Ask him to solve the problems. Ask him to find a childminder who will take the kids at that time. Ask him to work out the finances. Put every problem in front of him and say "I cannot see a way past these. You think there is so it is up to you to solve them. When you can do that, I will reconsider."

He needs to see for himself that it is not workable. If he cannot solve the problems, it will be clear to him.

im sorry no journalist i know can do shorthand - not one! they use tape recorders - if i were you go for the job and if it comes up say 'i am learning it from this book - do you have any problems with the use of recorders?'

i think editors are looking for great personality skills rather than the perfect cv tbh - if you get on with the ed then he/she will turn a blind eye to the shorthand

Champagne.. do you think it would look cheeky if I went in there & told him I was able to do the job if he would give me a chance & that I could learn shorthand in my own time?

I can't wait to be earning money, especially doing something I have wanted to do since I was 7.

I wasn't really encouraged to go to uni at school leaving age so I started to educate myself from about the age of 22.

I am now 30.

It's just that my degree is so specific: Journalism. I am afraid that employers will want the MA & if I don't do that then my degree will be 'wasted' so to speak.

If I had done business or computing then I could have gotten any number of jobs with those.

I did a journalism postgrad and now wish that I had just gone for work experience that would lead to employment. The people that I ended up working for certainly did not expect employees to have this qualification. Cost me money to do it when I could have been out earning - even if I had only been earning a little it would have been better than more debt!

Don't think that that job your husband is talking about sounds suitable though!

Like some others have suggested, could you maybe get some freelance, and learn on the job. Maybe teach yourself shorthand? You may find that if you do the postgrad they won't really concentrate much on this anyway (this is what happened when I did my course - thought that these 'basics' would be covered but they weren't).

Good luck.

Thanks Newgirl & Hecate.

You know what Newgirl... I am going to do that! I am going to say I don't have shorthand but I am learning (just sloght lie as I will order that book!)

Hecate: I think the problem was that I was in the shower at the time & he came in with the big paper saying: "I have found the perfect job for you XXXX, you don't even need the MA... you'd be great at it! It's a magazine, think of all the stuff you would get to do."

Me: "but it's an hour & a half away!"

Him: "DOn't think of it like that... it's a job you would love! Who cares how far away it is!"

That's the kind of way he was saying it, not in the 'you must find a job, I don't care how far away it is and you must find childcare etc.."

I know he wouldn't be able to sort it out any more than I can. It is me who sorts out the childcare for when I am at uni 2 days a week.

Thanks for the insight fourplusone.

If I had to choose there's no competition. I would rather be employed making £100 a week than do the MA.

But if I have to do it to gain employment at the place I want to be, then I will have to do it. (providing I get on the course)

But you lot have given me a real confidence boost that you can actually be employed without the MA.

I have experience in court reporting, council reporting, QuarkXPress, photoshop etc.. so hopefully this would be good to bring up in conversation with the editor.

I wonder how much recording devices are! Are they called dictaphones?

if it helps at this point - i think work experience is more valuable than any course - pref both at the same time! given two cvs of two eds - one who has worked for one year and one who has done an MA i would hire the one with experience every time - it shows they can get a job, hold on to a job, be reliable etc etc

Thanks Newgirl.

I haven't missed a day in 3 years at uni, which I know won't be noticed as roll calls aren't made, but at least I know I have a good attendance record.

I also wonder if being a parent of 2 young children would go against me incase they think I would be wanting to shoot out the door at 5pm every day... I know they can't make any differences in this day & age but it's still at the back of my mind.

I know one of the guys who write for this paper as he did the MA last year when I was in my 2nd year. The editor said on the phone it would be no problem to go in & see their style & shadow a reporter, so it would be good if it was the guy I know.

oh just realised - the degree is great - that is essential - i meant job/MA

as you are only 30 it might not even occur to them that you have children - dont mention it - it is not relevant to any interview - work experience/full time etc - you could be the primary wage earner for all they know so don't go in to it - if they ask (and they shouldn't) say 'oh we have childcare all sorted out' and worry about it afterwards!!

sorry wallofsilence, got called away from the puter - I'm a journalist who didn't do the MA - I do mostly webwork now but I think you can definitely do this if you set your mind to it and the offer of learning shorthand in your own time would show you to be a willing candidate.
Best of luck