Personal call at work

[jasper333]

I started my job just over a month ago and I haven't had much welcome from some of the team. Go as far as saying I have been avoided/ignored.

I raised this with manager and asked if I had stepped on their toes, say for example one of them went for the role internally but didn't get it.

So he said he would ask them if there was a reason for their behaviour.

Today he told me what they had said, saying it wasn't intentional, then gave me some things they had commented on about me. They were contradictory to what had actually happened - they said I didn't approach them for help, when in fact I have been asking for help but been shunned. Silly immature stuff really.

But he explained that they commented that I had taken a personal call and they had overheard the conversation. And it wasn't nice.

I was completely mortified and embarrassed as that call was from children's services, for a second time my ex had made malicious claims against me. The call had taken me by surprise and I was knocked off my feet by it. I didn't think of walking further away or into a closed room. I think about it now and I can't think why I didn't do that. The room I walked to was about 10-15m away and in a room with one open side.

My manager made a comment that personal lives are to be kept separate and I agreed and had to explain that it was a call from social services and that sometimes I get calls from a local charity who help victims of abuse.

So now I feel completely vulnerable and that I will be looked on negatively whilst being so new in my role.

I have told him I won't take such calls like that again so people don't hear. He was supportive but still, it's anxiety provoking when I'm a single parent busting my balls, trying to survive, keep a job, be a mum and fight a manipulative ex.

I've been doing the job ok, I don't think it's a case that it's affected my performance just the issue of personal life being outed in work.

Don't know what I'm asking tonight just feel overwhelmed and deflated.

Have you thought about explaining your circumstances to one or 2 of them without going into too much detail so they may be more understanding. Word soon gets round of you open up to maybe one.
Next time anyone calls yiu at work like that explain you are at work and ask them to call yiu back when you can talk maybe.
Your colleagues do sound rather judgmental if they are acting stand offish towards you since the call.
Good that your manager is being supportive.

Thank you. Yes I have spoken to one of them later on in the day today and explained what I'm dealing with, it was helpful to talk and be open. I'm more concerned now with how my boss would perceive me, I think I'm just overthinking but that's because there's so much pressure on me.

Do you know what Op, it sounds like you’ve been through a lot and while it’s nice to be liked and get on with colleagues, they don’t really matter. Your boss cares enough to take your concerns seriously and look into what’s going on, and he’s been honest in telling you what’s being said - this suggests he values and respects you. I would just concentrate on doing a good job and if you form friendships there over time, great but try not to lose too much sleep over it if not. People with very little going on in their lives will gossip, that’s on them. Good luck to you.

That's really kind of you, and yes that's true it's just that no one has my back 'at home' as such, I've got to make sure I don't mess up and I feel like I've let myself down with letting this horrible situation rear it's head in work. My work day is an escape and allows me to develop in areas that my ex can't touch, but by getting these intrusive calls he is finding ways to jeopardise my job and earning potential x

Not earning potential as in a hungry way, I meant just the ability to earn an income (keep a job)

I don’t think your boss sounds supportive at all. What did he expect to achieve by telling you what had been said behind your back? Why didn’t he tell the team to be more welcoming to you and perhaps suggest someone to be a mentor/work buddy to facilitate that?

Also it may have been better to take the phone call out of earshot and you’ve acknowledged that in hindsight but how much kinder would it have been if someone had picked a moment to say ‘I couldn’t help but overhear I hope you’re ok’.

I’m sorry you’ve ended up in this situation and hope things improve.

Sorry you are going through this. An employer and colleagues should understand that calls regarding your children are non negotiable.
This sounds like a toxic workplace id grin and bear six months and look to leave.
You know they are gossiping behind your back- the fact they were not welcoming says it all. Get out after six mo this before it destroys your MH and confidence.
I've been there and it's bloody awful

Yes if I had heard a colleague take an unexpected call and was crying I would have made sure to check in on them, not let them go back to their desk and ignore them for the rest of the day.

My confidence has taken a huge knock and I've been there 3 months. I have been offered a job elsewhere and I think I'm going to take it. Do I bother explaining the real reason to my boss (if he asks/does an exit interview)?

They chat on teams and giggle in response to their messages. It's very school like.

Have you had a name change?

If you are the OP @Juliennehen this is great news!

Absolutely take the new job.

I’d be hesitant about being too honest with the reason/feedback though but perhaps that’s just me.

What a great end to the year/start to 2024 for you!

Sorry yes, I'm the OP 😂

Congratulations on the new job.

If you've got the chance of a new job take it.
This work situation won't get better, they sound like horrible, immature twats.
Their issues, as told to the manager, are not even relevant, he has asked them if there's a problem with you and they've thrown a lot of nonsense at him to turn their nastiness into a problem with you.
The phone call is not even that important, if that happened in my workplace you'd be taken aside, treated with compassion and offered help.
Your colleagues are not going to suddenly change because the manager has spoken to them, they'll just be more careful and underhand.
Put your notice in and be honest in your exit interview.
Trust me life is too short to be unhappy at work, if you don't act now you'll get to the stage where you feel trapped there due to money, bills etc.
You've had another job offer, grab it with both hands like your life depended on it.

Ouch, the colleagues sound pretty immature!

My workplace is really lovely and supportive and if a colleague was obviously upset after a phone call, I know one of us would offer a cup of tea and ask if everything was ok. We don't pry into each other's lives but I think it's fairly basic humanity to ask an upset person if there's anything you can do.

Sorry you're going through all of this and hope you're able to find a better working environment soon.

I have another question!

I'm only required to give 1 weeks notice due to being in the 6 month probation period. I plan for my last day being 21st December. So 4 weeks until I need to give notice.

But I don't want to drop them in it last minute and just before Xmas break. And also I want them to know I'm leaving so that they leave me alone with their attitude and future work load/plans.

What do you think I do?

Stick to the 7 day notice - or if you can afford it, treat yourself to a week off between jobs.

Their lack of cover at Christmas is none of your concern and just smile and nod along to any other projects they ask you to get involved in. It’s only a few weeks till you’re out of there.

I disagree, give as much notice as you can, it shows you're being professional and mature. It will also take the pressure off the run-up to Christmas.

Good luck with whatever you decide is the best for you OP.