I'm in a new job and been training at different locations. Our store will be opening soon and I have met many colleagues who I will be working with at that store.
Today I recieved training from a guy who I will be working with at my permanent store.
(Baring in mind I will be one of his managers)
He seemed casual and overall a decent friendly person with his mannerisms, in his approach to training me on a certain area which he is responsible for.
As colleagues do when you try to establish a rapport with one another you engage in conversations, you can discuss at times personal questions.
(literally beating myself up for even answering)
Personal questions such as what's your race, born in this country, are you married/dating/kids.
These questions have never been a problem for me...or lead to events that I experienced today.
I guess the red flags were clear now that I think about.
Asking if we could go out for drinks sometime.
I said maybe, idk we just met
He asked where I lived? Do I live alone? Can he come over.
i said No! I just met you, we are work colleagues, we dont know eachother.
i said inviting anyone into your home is personal, you dont let anyone just come and enter your home, it's a place where you invite friends and family and we are work colleagues who just met. We don't have any relationship for that to occur. I ended it with my home is my safe place and not everyone is welcome there.
Service had slowed down and I wanted to go for a cigarrette break.
He said hed show me and come with me. I assumed he smoked.
He didn't. He doesn't.
Whilst outside he kept telling me he loved my skin and kept trying to touch my face (at times he was) which made me feel awkward.
I just kept either stepping back or moving my face or head away. I felt uncomfortable, uneasy but the simplest thing of saying fuck off immediately didn't even come out my mouth.
(Feel stupid that I didnt say fuck off. Stop it straight away.)
Whether this is stupid to say. But I had an illogical reasoning that. He's born in India, maybe they do things differently there, but over here that's innapropriate.
I have a beauty spot above my lip.
He touched and stroked it above my lip asking me what it was.
I moved his hand away and said a beauty spot.
He then said I want to kiss you. Come her give me a kiss and forcibly grabbed me closer, grabbed my face and tried to lock my face on to his so he could kiss me.
I felt so repulsed, uncomfortable I tried pushing him back and getting him off me and he responded with force to keep me locked on him. I kept turning my face.
It literally felt like a tug of war with me trying to turn my body away and him trying to turn it back to him.
I eventually got him off me.
I told him I don't want to kiss you. I don't know you. I don't like you like that.
Stupid me tried to keep it casual again and just smoke my cigarretes.
I didn't even want to give that much eye contact at that point, looking up down all around, beside him, behind him was all I could do.
He then asked me would I go on a date with him.
I said No, I'm not interested in you or anyone.
I don't want to date.
I was about to finish my cigarrette to go in.
As I turned to go in he grabbed my arm.
He again asked for a kiss.
Kept telling me to come on just one. Give me a kiss.
I said No. REPEATEDLY!
I just wanted him to stop and for me to go back in as all other other colleagues were inside.
I wanted to be around other colleagues and have some sense of safety than be alone with him.
As being alone with him, with no one around lead to this.
He then asked for a hug.
I shouldn't have, but I just hugged him to leave me alone.
More like I let him hug and squeeze me and I patted his back.
I acted so calmly as I hugged him as if everything was normal and that I didnt feel violated by him.
These situations can be so hard to navigate as a woman. Thought i was stronger thatn this.
I've opened my mouth before but never experienced anything like this in a work environment....
He wanted to hold me close.
I know I shouldn't have and I feel so sick and ashamed that I hugged him. Not sure how many people will understand this situation.
I've experienced things like this before and it's like everything can truly go out the window.
After that hug I thought it would be over. I had a slight sense of relief.
As I turned my back to him to walk in.
He grabbed me from behind and I was in-between his arms. STUCK.
Again he was asking for a kiss.
I kept telling him no.
I begged for him to let go of me and repeatedly said I'm uncomfortable, your making me feel uncomfortable, let go, i want to go inside, get off.
This did not persuade him.
It was when we heard another female manager basically sort of call us and say something along the lines of there you are come in. My mind was in fight or flight mode, so confused as to what was happening I can't remember her exact words.
That's when he let go. As the store door to the smoking area was open.
( My chest feels so heavy writing this. I deep down want to cry. But haven't even allowed myself to.)
He went straight in.
I don't even know if she was aware or heard me or how grateful I was.
I felt rescued for that short time.
As I went in I said to her thank you.
Don't know if she knew what I meant by it.
But I fucking meant it! Thank you!!
She walked on to another area.
I just stood there for about a minute or two.
I was in shock, could feel my eyes welling up. I felt heavy so confused.
I told myself I can't cry.
I can't make a fuss.
It's a new job.
I'm on probabtion.
He said he was good friends with the assistant manager above me.
I still have to go back in and do training with him.
My manager wasn't in for me to say anything.
(I could of called, but that solution wasn't in my head at the time.)
Someone senior asked me if I was OK, any problems... and my face said yes but I said no it's okay, I'm alright I'm a big girl and laughed it off.
I reallu couldnt comprehend or process what had just happened. Even now I don't Hinksey I fully can.
I am doing a training segment with him again tomorrow I believe too. Well o definitely know he's going to be in tomorrow/ meaning today.
Anyways as i went in I took a breather... and I'm sad to admit it, I done what I said I wouldn't do ever again.
Brush it off like nothing happened.
I continued to act normal around him. (Well try atleast)
As if it was nothing.
As if all of that did not happen at all.
Later I had to be shown where to get certain things upstairs.
Alone with him again.
I kept my distance going up the stairs and upstairs by being a couple paces behind.
We got what was needed.
He carried it.
Some point on the stairs he put it done on a landing(there's like 3 flights of stairs).
He leaned on one side.
I decided to just pick it up and make my way down the stairs.
I took about 3-4 steps on the stairs going down and again he grabbed me from behind and was trying to wrestle me for the bag.
Telling me no he will do it.
I can't explain how worried I was with a heavy item in my hands going down stairs with a guy whose big grabbing me from behind, trying to make me let go of the bag while in movement going down the stairs.
I could of easily lost my balance.
I told him don't do that, let go, I can do it, he persisted i shouldnt and he would.
I ended up saying okok just to get him off and gave him the bag.
I told him that was dangerous, I was going down the stairs, i could of fell.Don't do that ever again.
He was told to go on lunch break soon after, when we was back downstairs.
For the rest of the day I acted as normal as can be around him, so no one would be none the wiser to what I experienced during the shift.
I was relieved that when he went on his lunch I worked and spoke with many other people.
Deep down I want to report.
But I'm scared to.
Or to discuss it with my manager for him to just have a word with him.
... I really don't know what to do.
Alot of the people I work with are asian, some are born here others from India studying over here.
They talk a lot in their language which is OK, but so much so it's segregating but that doesn't affect me as much.
I try and engage with all when I can.
It may sound silly, or maybe im thjnkjng this because im honestly so overwhelmed, i dont want to loose my new job, been working so hard in my life to even get such a higher position at a workplace, that i feel thar if i report this or mention this to my manager( as me and him are suppossed to work at the same store) will jeoporadise my job. Ill be told i failed probabtion.
Or just backlash from everybody I work with.
You may not understand there language but it is always damn evident when they are talking/ mention or laughing at somebody.
Sorry for long rant but, i'm physically hurting in my chest from this, the anxiety, havent even told family yet. I don't know how they would respond either.
I'm literally in mental anguish which is having affects on my body already.
PLEASE ADVICE.