Feel trapped in my job and desperate to get out

[sunnyseed]

I don’t want to give too much information incase anyone in RL recognises me but I am in a role where I am completely unsupported and it’s affecting my mental health.

When I started this job the workload was reasonable although I wasn’t given any proper handover and was left to just get on with it on my own. Over time I have been given more and more areas to cover and I am not coping. It just keeps getting worse and worse over time. I am balancing too many plates which means I am not getting the time I need to focus on anything properly.

I have been on the edge of burnout for a long time have been awake since 2am unable to sleep because of the stress and worry. In fact I am awake most nights unable to sleep because of this. I feel like at some point something really bad is going to happen, I’m going to make a really bad mistake, get fired and my family will lose everything.

My manager knows I am struggling I have told him on more than one occasion so he knows how this is affecting me. He doesn’t care.

I feel trapped because I have young children to support and I earn more than my partner.

I have wracked my brains and can’t see anyway out of this situation. My job pays well but I wouldn’t be able to afford the cost of retraining in something else and with young children, juggling a busy life I wouldn’t have the time anyway.

The only thing keeping me going is my children. Has anyone else been in this situation before and if you managed to get out of it how did you do it? I am tired, mentally drained and have lost all my confidence.

You sound like just about every teacher I know :(

I sympathise-I feel the same way…

I also thought ‘teacher’.

If you are in fact a teacher, there is an FB group called ‘Exit the classroom and thrive’ which has lots of great advice on your exact situation - including very practical financial advice.

If not a teacher I apologise. You need to either change the situation (does your manager have a manager? HR? Go off on sick leave for a while to recover and re-evaluate?) or you need to change jobs.

You are no good to your DC if you burn out. Your own health and happiness is paramount.

Also, is it possible to just say no to your manager when extra areas of responsibility are given to you? To stand up for yourself a bit?
Try keeping a working log of how much time you are spending on each task and exactly what you have done / needs doing. Then you can back up your argument that the job as it is is unsustainable.

I feel the same. I'm close to saying that I can either do my actual job OR do all the admin our smiling "If you could just...") senior management team keep asking me to do but I can't do both.
Their answer to everything is to make time which basically means take it all home & do hours unpaid. I refuse to do this but that does mean I'm struggling day to day.

Yes, I have been there. I was overworked. I told my bosses that I needed help. It improved for a few weeks, then I was given the same work back plus even more work. I really tried standing up for myself. Didn't work- they knew exactly how to handle me. I was too tired to keep fighting. I sat there and thought when did I last really enjoy my job. Then I applied for a job just like that. I tried internal moves, but manager blocked (couldn't afford to lose trained staff) that so new company it had to be. When you get to the interview remember to emphasise how much you are interested in the job being applied for (no mention of stepping back or struggling). I have since progressed and am in a much better position than if I had stayed. Even if you have always worked at the same company, doing the same job I can assure you not all companies and bosses are the same.

I'm in a very similar situation, and have been before. I'm afraid the only option is to leave. Once you take that mental step then it's easier to take a week off sick for your mental health and to get some perspective. Your doctor can sign you off for a few weeks I believe.

Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply and the advice. I think I am going to have to look for another job. I don’t see anything changing. If anything it’s going to get even worse. My gp has offered to sign me off but I have resisted until now. If and when it does get worse I will get signed off. I need space to think what I am going to do. I’ve not been myself for a long time because of this - it’s always there in the back of my mind constantly, even on the better days.

Has anyone sought professional careers advice or life coaching and if so was it useful? My head is all over the place at the moment and I can’t think straight.

No job is worth sacrificing your mental and physical wellbeing.
Plan to leave , reduce outgoings by moving to a smaller property , retrain or side hustle of some sort perhaps taking a hobby to a business footing . OH has to have some input and ideas .

I’d get signed off now, don’t wait for the nervous breakdown. Gp don’t offer to sign people off for no reason.

My dh did all this, was put on mirtazapine and was never the same person again.

If you died tomorrow your work wouldn’t care your just a cog in the machine.

I know its hard as I have struggled to make changes to my work life balance myself, but one day at a time just stop doing the hours, stop doing the extra work and stop recommending changes etc. Just start doing what you can get away with. And understand that you are not the boss. You are not paid like the boss. This is not your responsibility. They are unable to fire you if you are the one doing all the work who is going to do it? So no reason to be scared to make these changes.

Stop doing the extras, just do the job that is in your actual contract and no more. If you look around is everyone else making themselves sick with stress or is it just the usual few doing twice the work while others coast along and get away with the bare minimum. Be more like the coasters, essentially just do your best within your working day and then leave it behind.