Did I mess up here?

[Uncomfortabl]

Boss can be a tricky character.

She asked me to get something done but didn’t give me a deadline; therefore did it as soon as I could but slightly missed my self imposed deadline, eg said I would get it over on Wednesday COP, messaged her to say it would be over very late that night but actually got it to her the next day. She phoned me that morning to ask when it would arrive and I said sorry and that it would be with her asap. Kept to that promise.

Key context is I am generally very punctual with my work and she knows this.

Unbeknown to me, she had wanted it ASAP in advance of a meeting she was having the next day, but at no point did she tell me. She ignored all the above comms I sent to her. She then shouted at me for getting it to her “late”.

Against the wider backdrop of this, my grandma was dying in hospital and I was racing to her bedside on the evening in question. Didn’t feel it appropriate to use this as an excuse or reason so didn’t bring it up until the later bollocking, just quietly mentioned that actually that had been a tricky occasion as my grandma was very unwell and ultimately died, but apologies for missing the deadline.

Boss yelled at me to tell her if that was the case and continued her rant.

I wouldn't accept being yelled at.

Your home life isn't an excuse,if you need support/adjustment I'd make your boss aware separately.

Are you expected to work outside of your working hours?

I'd be calm and clear and state you were unaware there was a deadline if you had known you would prioritise it.

I'd try to avoid giving your boss a deadline unless you are confident you can stick to it.

Thanks, that’s good advice.

yes I’m expected to work outside of my working hours.

I was taken aback because as I say my track record is good and had hoped for some leniency given the circumstances (which I appreciate I hadn’t shared) and also the fact a deadline had not been communicated to me.

If she didn't specify a deadline, and she didn't say anything about time constraints when you gave her an indication of when you would have it ready, she can absolutely do one.

@avemariiiaa She said neither.

im really beating myself up for using my home life as an excuse here. But equally quite appalled that she skated over it and still bollocked me when I did not actually do anything wrong?

Don't beat yourself up too much, it's really easy to let a self-imposed deadline slide a bit when you are busy and deciding how to prioritise things: partic absent an indication from your boss along the lines of "oh yes please do it by x because I need it in time for y".

I do stretch internal deadlines sometimes (and people doing work for me also do... I wouldn't be angry with them about a little bit of slippage if I hadn't communicated the urgency).

Also I think it's fine to mention personal issues to explain why you didn't work late that night. It's not a weakness, if anything it might have been better to mention it earlier so your boss knew it was an exceptional circumstance and not a sign that you don't respect deadlines.

You have learned a lesson with this boss that her communication skills aren't great so you need to be extra careful about keeping her updated and checking deadlines.

But unless this was v out of character from your boss, you might want to manoeuvre your way away from working for her (is possible; I know it's not always possible). Because that is not normal management behaviour.

Your boss sounds stressed, but it's not ok to take it out on you.

Firstly it's not OK that your boss shouted at you at all.

It does sound like there is some miscommunication going on, though, on both sides of this.

If you said you'd get it done by Wednesday then perhaps she didn't think she needed to set you a deadline as you'd already set one which worked for her. However, she should have made it clear she needed it for an important meeting as then you would have known to prioritise it.

I'm sorry about your grandma. That's really rough and I think in that circumstance it's hard to think clearly as you would have been very emotional, so don't beat yourself up.

I think the ideal thing to do, if you could, would have been to give your boss a heads up in advance that you were having some difficulties in your personal life.

Most people are understanding if they know about these things. Saying it retrospectively - 'my grandma was terminally ill but apologies for missing your deadline' - sounds a bit sarcastic and is going to rub her up the wrong way as she couldn't have possibly known that.

So I think there was miscommunication on both sides but she definitely shouldn't have shouted at you.

It’s really hard for women in the work place but we need to learn to be a bit more assertive. The stuff your are pointing out here, about the lack of communication over a deadline both at the outset and once you provided an updated indication of when your work would be completed is entirely her fault. You don’t have to use the word “fault” but definitely make it clear that basically, how are you supposed to know!!

Your boss should have communicated clearer instructions and perhaps you should have kept her in the loop with your Grandma. I am sorry for your loss 💐