How do you deal with petty managers?

[TreatYoBookShelf]

I am currently middle management, I have been in my organisation for 10 years. I work hard however I definitely struggle with self-belief and confidence and can sometimes be a bit over-sensitive to criticism as it tends to knock my already delicate self-esteem. Today I was in a meeting with another team who is led by an older manager who is well known for being grumpy and petty.

He made a snipe about not being invited to the meeting (the truth is that he failed to locate the link but anyways...)

It irritated me but I have been there long enough to just roll my eyes. This is an incredibly minor event but it just made me feel like crap, especially as I am considering going for another job which is a process which obviously requires feeling confident in your own abilities. If I can't successfully invite someone to a meeting where do I stand?

There are a few managers within my organisation who love to be petty and make snide remarks, it isn't the same as receiving a total bollocking either but it is really annoying, it makes me feel like a naughty child, we are all adults, there is just no need in my opinion to be bitchy to staff. Do you work in an environment which builds you up or has more of a tendency to bring you down?

Would just love some advice on how to deal with snidey managers and build resilience and not allow their comments to get to me so much.

Why did you not respond that he had been invited like everyone else but hadn't joined correctly? He's not being petty, he's being a dick. And you're allowing it.

It's one thing to be self deprecating or lacking self esteem but to sit there and accept responsibility for something that you didn't even do seems like more of a 'you' problem than a petty manager problem. You've been there 10 years. You're clearly capable of doing the job so have some faith in your skills.

Anyway, in answer to your question; I had a similar thing come up today where a colleague flagged a mistake they had made as avoidable if my team had done [x,y,z, spoon feeding info] to them. I replied "Thanks for your email. Sorry to hear you had difficulty. To avoid this in the future, you can find the answer HERE [with screenshot and highlighted areas]"

I'm not accepting responsibility for it. I'm not solving all the worlds problems. I highlight that its their issue and offer a quick solution to prevent them being confused again and move on with my day.

As above.
"You perhaps didn't see/receive the link".

Sorry I probably should have been clearer, I did respond by telling him where the invite was, but I could tell my direct line manager was annoyed at me for "talking back" (this older manager from the other team is a few grades above us).

I am getting much better at standing up for myself, I definitely have a lot of room for improvement though.

Yeah I did respond with this, but it has still annoyed me. I just can't understand the mindset of managers who enjoy being bitchy to younger, less senior staff. I don't see how this is beneficial to the organisation to have staff who feel demeaned and chastised like a child.

Next time you have a meeting with him, I'd be over pedantic and make a point of sending instructions on how to join the meeting.

Could you perhaps stop bringing your age and his age into things?

It's doing you no favours.

Well he is about 68 so it would be hard for most staff not to be younger than him.

Let me rephrase... I just can't understand the mindset of managers who enjoy being bitchy to younger, less senior staff.

Better!

You definitely need to learn to stand up for yourself. One thing I learnt over my own career was that no-one else was going to do that for me. No matter how unfair that might be.

And don't fall for the whole #BeKind nonsense that women are supposed to observe

In my former life (where this sort of thing happened all the time) I used to either stand up to people or grey rock them. Older alpha males are a pain the butt though as they always think they are right.

It's one of the many reasons that I no longer work in that type of environment. I'm self employed now and do whatever suits me!