Going back to work with a different mindset after maternity leave.

[Carolinewales]

Hi all. I am currently on maternity leave. My job is a skilled but as a general worker without responsibility or management duties.

Before I went on leave I was a big people pleaser, worked above my pay grade, stayed over my home time and taken advantage of.
I basically did everything but received nothing in return.
I like the job but the place is full of drama and gossip.
There was also some problems before I left where my manager had problems understanding pregnancy laws and forgot I was leaving. I was unable to train my cover because he forgot I was pregnant.
I don't want to leave because it's good money, close to my daughters nursery and I live rural so it's difficult to find a job.

Any way...... since having my daughter and being on leave I have done some self reflection and improvement.
I don't want to go back to work as the same person I was before. I have climbed the career ladder and worked hard but now it's time to step back and live a quiet life. I don't want to be taken advantage of anymore, work extra hours and get nothing in return anymore.
I just want to be in the background minding my own business. However, I am worried how this will come across and don't want to come across rude.

My question is.....has anyone been in the same situation? Did you change? How did you change? How do I set boundaries? Am I caring too much?

Hope this makes sense.
Thanks

once i had children, i stopped caring about my career, so i guess it was more of a natural change rather than a planned one.

it isn't easy trying to juggle a job and a family - i was knackered so i just didn't have the energy to care!!

I was in a similar situation to you and ran myself into the ground - joining zoom meetings late into the evening, missed out on time with my DC, working when sick (I wfh), taking on far too much work and never saying no. I started documenting all the extra tasks and hours I worked and it was shocking how much extra I had been doing and with no thanks.

Luckily for me another position came up and I moved teams, took a week off in between and came back different.

It's up to you to stand your ground and in-still those new boundaries. Managers and colleagues will of course take advantage if you are constantly willing to do more/go out of your way/go the 'extra mile'

Remind yourself daily that your DC is your priority and that you 'work to live, not live to work'

Say no to anything that's outside your remit/job description. Be clear, don't ever apologise - let there be an awkward silence.

What happened prior to your Mat leave us your managers fault - not yours.

Good luck! Stay strong!

Just go back turn up for work and leave when you e finished.

Be bright and breezy. Act like this is normal for you rather than drawing attention to your attitude changing. Because it's perfectly acceptable to work that way pre kids.

If anyone says anything like "before you went on maternity you did ...." just reply with "am I failing to meet the job description because if so let's get a meeting and get in minuted". Any sensible manager and HR sept are not going to minute moaning about you not doing unpaid overtime!!!! Or doing a job that isn't actually in your job description.

I'd honestly act as if it's normal rather than apologetically. They may have forgotten what's normal for you anyway when you return!

Thank you for all your replies messages. Just hearing other opinions made me feel better about this and I'll be taking this advice with me.

I was very flexible before having DC, doing work at weekends or evenings if need be. I genuinely didn’t mind.

I came back after maternity and was clear that while I’ll always do my best, that it will now only be during my working hours unless it’s an absolute dire emergency. Thankfully work understood that my DC were my priority.

I’ve done the very, very occasional thing outside working hours but only when I’ve felt it would be really important…. perhaps 3 or 4 times in 8 years.

I found it just happened because I was the one who had to leave to pick ds up from childcare (dh did the drop off) meaning I couldn't stay late and I wasn't willing to work later as wanted to spend time with ds after a day at work.

My work was understanding and supportive, hopefully yours will be too, just don't drop back into bad habits if you don't want to - the early years pass too quickly.

It’s as simple as go to work, do your job, go home.

I was lucky in that when I went back I had a new boss, so I just set expectations quite low from the get go 🤣 didn't go above and beyond, didn't seek extra projects etc.

Now back after second baby and I've ramped things up again because I feel I can focus a bit more on work!