Dealing with a job I hate

[Bobsledgirl]

Been here 8 years. Can’t afford to move as it’s well paid and want to retire in 2 years. In any event no one will hire a 58 year old in my field.

I used to love the job but there have been many changes. There is favouritism and poor management. There are alot of younger ambitious colleagues who play the game whereas I feel I am seen as difficult and negative. I’m not. I just don’t blindly accept everything without question and occasionally ask difficult questions. However I’m a hard worker but I don’t think that’s appreciated.

i do feel undervalued. I do feel my manager is a bully. I do feel that because I’m seen as negative I start to act that way and I’m stuck, I can’t raise any enthusiasm as it’s pointless. When I do good work it’s ignored, where others are bigged up by the management and ‘mentioned in dispatches’. I genuinely think my managers hate me.

I have a couple of good friends in the team and on a day to day basis I can get along with everyone. However I need to find a way to grin and bear it for next couple of years. I need to find some fake enthusiasm from somewhere. I need to not care that the managers think I’m useless.

Any advice?

Could you cut your hours? Go part time?
if not, and you genuinely think you are being treated differently due to your age, I would raise a grievance. Don’t accept bullying in any shape or form, you absolutely don’t have to.

Thanks. Cutting my hours may be an option.

re bullying. What I have realised is that it’s very hard to prove. I have receipts though and would use them if needed. It’s more the day to day slights I find hard. New staff are given desks away at bottom of office. Presumably because us older grouches are seen as a bad influence! The department manager barely speaks to me. There are social events for the office ‘in crowd’ that I’m never invited to.

it’s a viscous circle though. I’m miserable and that doesn’t help my work persona.

you are definitely correct that ageism is an issue though.

Can you just play the game, maybe just keep your head down and get through the next two years to retirement. While it might go against your beliefs not to speak up or question things, I think in lots of situations it is completely futile and it only ends up that you come off worse by sounding negative which is not what management like.

Can you break it down into manageable chunks? Cut your hours, wfh, compressed hours, book regular holidays maximising the bank holidays, alter working hours to avoid the worst bullies eg 8-4 instead of 9-5?
look at the end game (retirement) and start planning what you need to do to get there, it might just be enough to refocus you. Are there any home diy tasks you can focus on? Basically anything that will take your concentrations and focus away from work when not at work so your aren’t stewing over work. Iyswim?
Its not a great situation to be in - but it’s ‘only’ 24 pay checks until you can go. So as a pp said - play the game.

or, look for another job, maybe in a different field if necessary. You never know why might come up if you look.

Just don’t care. Don’t care what what they think of you. Use them for the pay checks and the pension. You have a touchable end in sight.

Your post echoes exactly how I feel at the moment.

I’m 55 and been in post 34 years in the NHS.

Had some fab management in the past but now there is so much unnecessary aggravation caused by new senior staff needing to ‘make their mark’.

I’m sure they view me as negative too, it’s hard to summon a huge amount of enthusiasm to sit through a one hour meeting to discuss something that could have been addressed in a one line email. They would love me to leave!

My approach is now to just let them get on with it, ignore the crap, send apologies to meetings, distance myself from the bullshit and concentrate of my job (and count down to retirement).

@CalmaLlamaDown I feel for you. I used to love my work until they employed 2 new women who just cannot do the job, and in turn gives me more work as I have to rewrite the 'How to Do' pages because they don't understand basics. One woman just fails to turn up to work with seemingly no punishment! Cant wait to leave and drop them in th mess they have created

You need to just not care.

Do your work to an appropriate standard. Don't put yourself out unless you want to. Only spend time with the people you like. Actively avoid getting involved in any politics or drama.

I have been in a similar position and it's awful but tell yourself it's only work, you're paid well and in two years' time you can tell them all to fuck off.

2 years actually isn’t that long. Then you will be in a great position.

Would get your pension and retirement plans sorted and count the time down. Do nice things for yourself outside work, to help ‘keep you going’.

At work would keep head down and unless any bullying becomes egregious don’t get sucked in and act in ways the bullies and others will deem ‘negative’, just chug on. Don’t work unpaid overtime. Try to arrange nice, small things at work, eg meet people you like, coffee, walk at lunch.

I wouldn’t go part time unless your pension pot is great and you’ve had advice on the pension implications. 9 day fortnight or full time flexi could be good.

Reduce: Is there any way to be as ‘off site’ as possible? Wfh, Training events, meetings? All to break up your day? Be strict with your working hours and get in and leave on time.

Replace: Or is there one aspect of the job you really do like and can you cultivate something about that so you can spend more time on that?

Replenish: Book social things in to look forward to at weekends or every month so you have a really happy life outside of work and the amount you think about work diminishes a lot.

Reduce, Replace, Replenish can be your motto!!

Make work days about more than work, have a routine before work that makes you excited to get out of bed like maybe a nice walk/breakfast/coffee/yoga class/read a book etc

Go for a nice walk at lunch, read a book, listen to a podcast etc

Same with after work, treat yourself for getting through the day with an nice walk/yoga class/pamper night/dinner with a friend/new hobby class etc etc

Basically anything so that you are not focusing on work outside of work nor are you dreading each day as you are filling it with things you love as well as work. Don’t let the next 2 years be miserable because of work

At work I’d personally be really positive, stop asking difficult questions, do the best I could on the tasks I’m given to get a bit of dopamine but don’t give them extra time, get there on time and leave on time, wfh more if you can

Thankyou so much everyone. Some great advice on here.

i do have one pension I can draw in a year. It’s an old one from a previous job but it’s not going to increase so will be daft to leave it. Obviously my current pension will be impacted but honestly my job is impacting my mental health at this point so need to prioritise that.

thanks again for all the replies. So helpful.

Play the game and focus on the end goal. The light at the end of the tunnel is freedom and retirement. Take advantage of as much off site time as possible and maximise your annual leave days as much as you can. Time to start letting go of the job mentally. Do what you need to do at a suitable standard but don't go above and beyond anymore. Rise above the petty drama and politics. In 2 years time you can walk away without a backward glance. Take time for yourself every day to do something nice and have things outside work to look forward to. Build in as many rest breaks as you can. You can do this OP.

Quiet quitting.

Thankyou! You don’t know just how much these comments have helped.

I'm a senior manager at my work, I'm in my mid 50's and until relatively recently I hadn't seen anything I'd describe as ageism. However over the past couple of years I've seen it creep in. One particular work colleague, started commenting on a member of staff because of her health issues relating to menopause. At first it was so subtle I didn't quite grasp what was happening but it did become more obvious to the extent I called it out to her and she, not surprisingly denied it. So many little things, I had to raise it formally even though there had been no complaint as such from the woman she was focused on.
HR did nothing, they are extremely keen to avoid any kind of formal action, and I'm now glad that person has now left. But it's left me with a bad taste for the company, and I'm very aware that if I'm subject to that kind of ageism, my company will do very little about it.

I am 57, in a low paid job and have 10 years left!
I so want to retire at 60. Been thinking of ways how to but not really realistic.

Kids at expensive age as well. One university coming up and other early teens.
I am so jealous of you op...I should have made better life choices!

I empathise . My department was moved to another job and from a forward fast thinking organisation we are now in the dark ages where all that matters is how much work you clear . No praise for a good accurate job with good customer service . I like some of my colleagues but hate the job. I can’t retire yet due to separation and still having a mortgage. The job is 5 minutes from home which is a positive. I have decided to just do the required amount of work and have stopped taking on any additional duties . I have a pretty active social life which breaks the monotony. It’s a real shame as previously I always tried to do my best job . Hang in there .

Just quietly quit op . Do what you have to do no more or less . Avoid arseholes . You are not negative . In other words what they really want is for you to shut up and put up . The word negative is being used to gas light you . If you did the same to them would they put up with it ? . So it's head down and focus on retirement. Don't let them do you out of your retirement. Just don't care .

Yes to quiet quitting!

Definitely play the game. Two years is nothing and you can do as you want. I’m in a similar position but longer before I become free of them. Hang in there and don’t let them get to you.

Hang in there to anyone in this position. Freedom is in sight. Play the game and just keep the end goal in mind.

I'm exactly the same OP

Wishing my life away