How to be more assertive?

[Zombieof3]

Hi all,

I work in a children’s home, I’m a senior member of staff which I got after a promotion six months ago. I got transferred to another home for this role, which includes new staff etc.

When I first started, I took advice from those who already worked there which I am very greatful for. I’m now comfortable in my role but always try and take on board any advice anyone has, however, there is this one member of staff in particular who constantly bosses me about and tells me how I should be doing my job. I always try and be polite and if it’s helpful I’ll do it. It’s now gotten to the point though that she is constantly phoning me telling me what or how I should be doing my job. I’m not an assertive person by nature, it’s really not my personality but it’s getting to the point that it’s starting to really annoy me, as this worker is not a senior member of staff, yet it feels like she’s trying to manage me! Other members of staff have noticed it and told her to be less demanding when it’s aimed at them. This person can be really quite rude and often makes members of staff feel poorly about themselves, there is a lot of staff turn over and I’m sure it’s due to a small number of staff who seem to bully any new staff. Is there a way where I can politely tell her to stop telling me how to do my job as I don’t want to end up hurting anyone’s feelings, but I cannot deal with someone constantly trying to undermine me. There is a whole host of issues with this team, but this one is a big issue for me personally and I just want to deal with it in the nicest way possible. Anyone have advice?

Thank you. I will take it into consideration with all the other information I have.

And repeat with minimal emotion (similar to the grey rock technique for relationships).

Also deal with The issue of others feeling bossed about during performance reviews (assume you are the manager).

Have a series of bland responses ready.
That's interesting

I'll think about that maybe.
That could work.
I'll see

Thanks for the idea.
Might be worth considering.

Bit more assertive
Thanks but I prefer to do XYZ
Thanks but I have decided on XYZ

Thank you both, it’s incredibly awkward as I had thought I made it quite clear that I don’t need to be told how to do my job, I’m not sure why she is trying to be my line manager.

They also watch me on cameras 24/7 and whenever I go anywhere or if anyone enters the building, they ring me and ask what is happening. The thing is, my place of work is nothing to do with them which is why it’s even more confusing. It’s really off putting, I don’t tell them how to do their job. They’re not even listed as staff for the place I work, they are just in same company and have access to my cameras and what my clients are doing. It’s very bizarre and if I’m honest, it’s ruining the job.

Do you have a Line manager? If so refer it to them

Yep and Thrace already done that. He said he had a word with them, nothing changes. I’m pretty sure that they don’t bother unless it affects them personally. I’ve got actual emails which could very well be classed as low level bullying as proof and have been tempted to contact HR but not sure it would be worth my time