Crippling impostor syndrome and procrastination - please help

[Hari223]

I'm in a well-paid and difficult job that is high-stress and often involves dealing with very difficult people and balancing a lot of conflicting priorities.

I get a lot of good feedback, have consistently got pay rises and bonuses and I believe I'm generally well thought of by my colleagues. People seem to like working with me and I get good results.

The problem is that I feel absolutely awful, all the time, about how I'm doing. I feel like I'm a fraud waiting to be discovered, that everyone else is doing brilliantly (far better than me) and that I'll end up getting asked to leave/will reach a point where I can't continue because I'm too expensive and not delivering enough value.

I think this is linked to my procrastination problem. I'm constantly putting off all and any tasks but especially difficult ones, and this shows up in my output (although it can't be disastrous as I don't receive heavy criticism on that front, if any at all - I am told i could do better in productivity terms, but very gently)

I just don't know what to do. This is really ruining my life and making me miserable. Anything, big or small, that goes wrong at work is basically a catastrophe for me and takes weeks to get over. Positive stuff doesn't even register.

Anyone relate? How do you cope?

Are you me?

I could have written your post.

I cope by having occasional bursts where i tick off a few crucial things.

Another thing though is ive got a really supportive boss whom ive had honest discussions about it with, who's helped me see that i measure myself against a high standard and actually do deliver when it matters.

They've also helped me look for tools to help with procrastination - look on linkedin as there's material there.

I find for procrastination making lists of 3 things to do helps, get through those, choose the next 3 etc. Once the to do list gets too long it's game over for me!

Have you thought about getting some help for your self esteem or anxiety? From what you've said you fully recognise you're a valuable employee from an objective point of view when you look at the evidence, but you don't actually believe it yourself.

If you have a supportive boss it might help to talk it through with them, explain the issues behind your productivity blip, basically ask for help.

My manager is great - on those days when I feel the world is closing in, I'm about to get found out etc etc he will spend a bit of time going through my to list with me, reminding me what I've achieved etc.

Also it can help to seek out the people who value you most at work and spend a bit more time with them, find reasons to collaborate with them, yea point chats etc. Especially those who you respect - if they think you're ok, and you respect their opinion.... see what I mean? I find it's all too easy to sit and wallow in my own pit of despair when I'm alone.