How do you afford to work with children

[movingachos]

Hello,
I need some insight please as I am all out of suggestions!
I am moving in 3 weeks time which is going to be over an hour away from my current job. I will preface this by saying I CAN stay working here if push came to shove as that's where my family is for childcare, however I don't want this as I work lates finishing at midnight and barely sleep before having my daughter at 7:00 the next day. I am sleep deprived and exhausted and would rather have my job at my new location.

I can't afford to put my daughter into nursery because I need all my warnings for our rent etc., not childcare. My partner works 09:00-17:00 Monday to Friday so can't help. Her dad does too and he will be an hour away. All of my family also apart from one day a week! I will have every other weekend free.

It seems impossible for me to work and it's becoming very stressful. How do people afford childcare?!

Most qualify for tax free childcare - have a look at that as it saves you 20%.

Do you qualify for any further help paying for childcare?

Otherwise, it's a balancing act between both parents compressing their hours, working opposite shifts etc

Remember that both parents are to pay towards the childcare, it is a family expense.

It is horribly expensive though. Childminders can work out cheaper.

Well, for starters I wouldn't move an hour away from valuable family support and childcare options. We rely on grandparents twice a week to help out. Mine are school age now, so don't need as much childcare as we used to, but the summer holidays and half terms would become super tricky and expensive if we didn't have family nearby to pitch in. When they were younger, grandparents did most of the childcare, plus I switched to shift work so DH wasn't far from getting home, when I was working, so grandparents only had to hold the fort for a couple of hours. It's a juggling act, and a network of family who are willing to help out is invaluable. If we had to pay for childcare full time, I would have probably became a sahm until they started school, and then had to save throughout the year for holiday clubs during the summer. Feel very lucky to have helpful grandparents nearby.

I personally don’t know anyone who had grandparents help regularly. Ours did have the DC for a few days in the summer holidays, but they lived hundreds of miles away, so it couldn’t be a regular thing. I worked an hour away too, so two hours for the total commute. We used a childminder, so we paid for childcare. I cut my hours and went part-time. When it came to school, DH took the DC to school and I picked them up. Holidays were mainly us taking leave and holiday clubs. I went back to work full time when youngest DC was 12.

Hi @movingachos
Have you considered remote working at all? I've noticed that so many more employers offer remote working, or hybrid working now than they ever did before. You may well have considered it & ruled it out but might be worth looking into.

I think most people either pay for childcare or use family to help. It makes for a difficult few years until the free hours kick in.

Remember you should be splitting the cost with your dp, it shouldn't all rest with you.

If you rent and have childcare you will probably be eligible for a decent amount of universal credit, they 85% of childcare up to £1100 a month

We moved away from family so we had to pay for childcare; when we literally couldn't afford it we were topped up by tax credits, until eventually it was completely funded by us as our wages increased.

Usually not being able to afford it means not wanting to sacrifice something else (no judgement from me on that) if you literally can't afford it that's where TC/UC come in. Although I appreciate it is perhaps complicated by the fact you have a partner who isn't the father of your child, so your entitlement will have changed, that will be a discussion with your partner so they understand what moving has cost you, and they could help you pay (more so if the move away from your support network was for them). You're hopefully also getting maintenance from the father? Either way, it shouldn't all be on you- because if you were on your own, the state would be paying a fair chunk.

Childcare isn't a household expense as you don't live with your child's father. Are you getting maintenence? Judging from your post, he has your child every other weekend.

Is your partner happy to do childcare if you did opposite shifts?

I'm surprised other posters are saying your partner should split the cost. It's great if he wants to contribute but not really a fair expectation.

Spent all my salary on childcare initially in my job (borrowed during the holidays as also needed to pay for holiday club) however now only paying about a 7th of salary in childcare so was worth it in the long run. Can your DH not contribute?

I'm surprised other posters are saying your partner should split the cost. It's great if he wants to contribute but not really a fair expectation.

It's not so much that it's an expectation, but her UC support will have diminished moving in with him, sounds like she's moved away from her support network to be with him, not sure how much the father isn't doing but I think it's a conversation they should have had.

I don't disagree that it's a conversation that should take place. We don't know the ins and outs of their finances either. It's more the comments that he should be contributing.

Like I say, fantastic if he can and if he will.

@movingachos

It makes no sense at all you're moving away from your support network and family who can provide childcare.

The solution is surely to find a job with better hours but in your current location?? Or are family able to look after your child more or different times so you have more rest in your current job, understandable you're finding your current job exhausting.

It's also much better for the child to be looked after by parents/family/trusted friends instead of an anonymous childminder or nursery where they won't get the same love and one to one attention and are having to deal with other children who could be aggressive towards them.

Please say you’re not moving an hour away from family and your children’s father to be with a man? I think you will regret that if you do.

Agree with the above. You need to put your child first and the child's relationship with their dad is far more important than whichever boyfriend you currently have.

Are you entitled to UC maybe you can help with childcare costs?. Hownold is your DD? Your job doesn't sound practical anymore. How many hours do you work each week?

Why are you moving?

Why on earth are you moving an hour away from your job and childcare support and your child's father