Difficult boss/onboarding/leave/stay

[Bigfishlittle]

So started this job a little over a year ago. It’s flexible and on paper is a fantastic, rewarding job. I enjoy the actual job or , I’m beginning to think I’m holding out to enjoy what it should be rather than what it ever will be. But I have zero confidence now. It’s hybrid working. But:

• onboarding/training was atrocious (here’s a laptop, do the training, team not very proactive in offering shadowing opportunities etc). Left to my own devices pretty much from day 1.
• boss behaviour strange (talking starey eye contact, blushing when I talk to him, in personal space, waiting for me to walk me in from car but seemingly unable to talk about anything substantial). Also trying to talk me into work that I have said I don’t feel competent and don’t have time to complete.
• boss telling me that my new job is the same as my old job (it’s not despite same job title) and putting phone down on me when I said I don’t feel like I’m getting the hang of the job a few months in.
• we have a teams chat where we are told to ask questions. When one particular lady asks questions about certain things a couple of times boss has said “o haha I don’t know why you need help with that” and things to that effect. Other people can do no wrong. other employees seem to do stuff outside of work (he once sushed one of them when she mentioned they’d bumped into each other/ seen each other outside of work etc)
• boss contacting me outside of work - phoning on a weekend evening to ask some questions about a place to go at weekend when I’d already written this in the teams chat which he could’ve checked, asking me questions about my calendar on my NWD (I politely told him to stop doing it on this one and no more).
• boss making little jibes at former/current employees- about how they weren’t/ aren’t great etc.
• Boss sharing information that another employee was being performance managed ( I don’t think this should be public knowledge but ?maybe it’s ok?). Also asking me what illness I had when I was off sick in a team meeting.
• people on team who’ve been there for 3 years saying they don’t know what they’re doing and describing themselves as newly qualified. This is making me think it’s not going to get better.
• generaly not listening. Or only listening when you are beyond assertive (ie having almost a meltdown).
• being teams messaged to tell me I am having a student with “I’m not asking I’m telling” when I’d said countless times I don’t really know what I’m doing.
• I got a new supervisor (manager has never been my supervisor) and was quite honest with her about my lack of confidence etc. She must’ve fed back to the boss who since then has been hanging around me, mentioning my name in things like a bad smell (ie. Waiting for me to walk into meeting ld with me, walking me from car in the morning etc. it’s like he wants to have a conversation but never seems to do it so I just make small talk. Maybe I’m being awkward but I had told him on many occasions that i had no confidence/ didn’t feel competent in certain parts of the job and then he’d just said things like “no you’re ok etc so I really just don’t trust him.)
• manager all super friendly and nice sometimes then blunt little comments other times.
• we recently been told that we need to go into office 1 day a week by senior management - some people were not happy with this. The manager disappeared on a do not disturb when this news came and out and was nowhere to be seen in our weekly meetinf. This seems to be a theme (him disappearing when anything significant happens).
• the hybrid working is just awful and doesn’t suit me.

my new supervisor seems to be taking allll the things I’ve said on board (the poor onboarding, training, low confidence) and is trying to address them- spending time with me to do things and has stepped up the support. However, am I just giving it another round of more time?

Thing is I can’t drop the feeling that I’ve given it too long already. I think my manager is crap and actually think he’s a bit of a manipulator - I think a lot of his comments, two facedness, starey behaviour, treating people differently etc is deliberate to make people lose confidence and keep people quiet. However the flexibility is super helpful right now , but again I’m just making excuses to stay a little longer. There are jobs at my former employer but they are the next grade up- on paper I meet most of the criteria but my confidence is so low I’d struggle and it’s quite a different job/ setting . I don’t want to go back there as the entry level grade as it really is entry level and I think I can do better than that but not good enough for the next level up. I’m not sure that spending more time at my current place will give me the confidence to go for next grade up either so could just end up stuck here?

so. What is going on here? Is my manager/ this organisation just bloody awful (it feels it)? Has anyone moved to a step up job and regained their confidence after losing it? Or should I just suck it up and go back to entry level job when one comes up (happens every few months). Has anyone ever had anything turn around after a year of finding it awful?

thank you. Really struggling with it. It’s impacting days off, feel less engaged with family/ friends etc

Thanks

Management is a key reason people feel unhappy in their jobs and decide to leave.

If there is no sign of them changing/leaving then why stay?

I think you’re right. I think I’m checked out tbh

Having a good manager makes so much difference and it sounds like this isn’t a good fit for you long term. What have you got to lose by trying for a grade up in the other place, it’s what guys do all the time…fake it till you make it. No one starts a job knowing 100% how to do it, just set yourself realistic goals of “what success looks like to you & your mgr” in the new role. As women we nearly always expect to achieve alot more/quicker than is needed. Good luck moving to a better role.

Seems to me that he doesn't know what he's doing either, and all this messing around is covering up his lack of competence in the role.

Yes! There are actually 2 level up jobs in the old place. Ones v fast paced but probably more similar to what I do now. The other is quite a new role and they’re actually saying they could make it a developmental role from the entry level grade to the level up so I’m quite tempted by that- seems like it might be the middle ground. Thanks

I think you might be right. It’s ridiculous how everyone’s just bumbling along. Seems like there’s not really anyone/ anything to learn from. Very strange place.

Thanks.

Sounds like an absolute shit-show!
Incompetence reigns supreme and smoke and mirrors to disguise it. I'm also pitying the new supervisor who sounds like they're not part of the rot, which means they'll either go or be defeated and become part of things... It's really hard to swim against the tide in insidious cultures like this!

A year is long enough, bail as soon as you can. It's not you it's them. But the longer you'll stay the harder it will be to rejuvenate and shake off the cloak of wtf! that has been draped over your shoulders.

He’s a shit manager and may fancy you - the behaviours you describe are not professional. I agree the new supervisor sounds much more clued in.

Go for the jobs at your old place, apply for both - great if you get the 2 levels up but 1 level up is still getting you out.

This had occurred to me but then it also seems that he steps up the friendliness every time something happens that might make me want to leave (like me saying I’m struggling recently, another newer lady leaving etc) .

I think he doesn’t know how to manage and relies on being a nice guy, being ‘friends’ with staff, personal relationships and favours from people. Honestly I’ve never known anything like it .

@Bigfishlittle you are probably right he knows he needs to try and keep you.

Yup lots of people have left. It’s a little embarrassing but there’s a reason for it isn’t there.

The boss does sound odd.

how senior is the role? When you say you were given training but the team weren’t proactive in offering shadowing - did you ask? Was it clear to your employer how much raining and support you would need? If I employee experienced more senior folk while I offer guidance and assistance I do expect them to take a proactive role in their development and I expect them to have a lot of the transferable skills already. Entry level
folk get a lot more support.

In your shoes I would go back to previous employer and apply for the more senior role.

Thanks for your comment. I retrained and qualified just over 2 years ago. Worked at old employer for a year then came here so basically started as entry level grade for qualified person. It’s quite a practical job so needed shadowing of the day to day tasks (rather than the paperwork- which there is a lot of). Manager asked team to give me shadowing opportunities- 2 out of 14 were proactive in this. I then asked daily in the group chat and tbh it was like pulling teeth with peoples excuses of why they couldn’t offer shadowing opportunities. If I knew what I know now I definitely would have held my ground and made a bigger thing of needing more visits before I could take on my own work but I was new and keen . But yup that set the tone really.

Ah okay you didn’t need them to be proactive just follow your managers instructions.

to be honest I would give this one up and move on.

I have managed a lot of people of varying levels of ability and motivation. I have set up mentors only for staff not to bother to contact them. I have arranged training only for staff to ‘forget’. It is frustrating.

when people like you are proactive I grab them with both hands (not literally - I would get sacked!).

move on.

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