Lost all motivation at work after becoming a mum

[Liverpoolgirl50]

So I have a 1 year old DD. I’ve been back at work for 4 months now, full time in a busy NHS role.

Before her my life was work, I was obsessed with career climbing and that’s where my passion was. However now I’m just bloody exhausted, she’s my focus and I feel like I do the bare minimum in the office. My drive for work has just completely diminished.

I was messaged today by someone in another team saying a role was coming available and they’d really like me to apply. It’s more money, a job I’d have died for before DD, but now I just can’t be bothered to put the effort in.

Honestly just feeling a bit lost, like I’m not sure of my identity anymore. I hated being at home all the time on mat leave, and kind of feel ‘meh’ about being at work. I know I’m rambling 😂 did anyone else feel the same after kids and did you find your oomph again?

You're in the worst of it. Sleep still everywhere, still physically recovering from the birth for many mums. I think you should go for it, the change might give you back the umph you need.

When I was expecting DD I loved my job and was worried that a few weeks after having her I'd want my old life back .... didn't happen. I felt sorry for anyone who was at work, unlike me, walking in the sunshine pushing the baby in the pram with the dog pulling at my side!

I didn't go back to anything like my old job. I worked Saturdays at the library and a few nights a week in the local pub so that there wasn't any outside childcare necessary. With no childcare, travel or work socialising costs I don't think my overall income was much lower.

Four years college when she went to school (school hours and holidays) and then back into the "real" workplace, no regrets.

I had a similar experience when I went back to my old job after my first Mat leave (solicitor). I fell pregnant 3 months later and knew that I would stick it out until my next Mat leave was over and then leave - I just lost all passion for it and felt like I wasn’t giving 100% at work or home and felt guilty on all sides (especially being away from baby for a job I wasn’t enjoying like I had before). I started a new job straight after my second Mat leave and absolutely love it (still a solicitor but different field). Maybe a change of role is what you need to snap out of this funk?

Right now you are just knackered from all the changes brought by DD. I could not care less about work until the youngest was about 3. After they were both in school, I got my work mojo back.

Is there any way the new role could be part time or hybrid?

I was really looking forward to going bank to work when DD was 10.5 months,... it was fun during the first month and then it started going downhill as I just couldn't care about work the same way I did before DD. I still didn't get enough sleep at night and had to use my lunch break for a nap (WFH). I just couldn't be bothered with all stress and workload. I gave my notice after 3.5 months. Maybe if I had a less busy/stressful/part time job I would have stayed. If you think the new role is more interesting then perhaps you should go for it.

I felt exactly like you when DC was very young. I still did my job, but lost the enthusiasm for it so did the bare minimum. It did take a few years but once DC was older, and less intensely needy I went back to how I'd been before. I did go part time for a few years which helped with work life balance. I think it js entirely normal.

Thank you all SO much. I feel so much better after reading these replies! I’m definitely going to apply x

@Liverpoolgirl50 totally normal to feel this way. And it’s so hard to focus on your precious child and your career at the same time. Motherhood changes you. Puts things in perspective. Good luck whatever you decide x

OP, I came across this thread because I feel like this right now :(

Not sure if you’ll see this but if you do - 2 years on, did you apply for the other role? How are you feeling now?

@LovelySunset oh my gosh it’s strange reading this back! I didn’t apply for that job, I actually left the NHS and went into a remote role which and it served me well for a while but I definitely wasn’t passionate about it.

On Monday of this week I started a brand new job back in the office, the most money I’ve ever earned and I feel completely back in the game. I honestly think it just took a few years to find it again - I was in the thick of parenting when I posted this originally and now DD is 3.5 and at preschool and we’ve all found our way. It will come back for you eventually 🥰 you may just muddle through for a while.