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Original poster

Career: Did you take a step up or step down after having DC?

21 replies

MsCactus · 06/08/2023 22:56

And did you regret your decision? How did it work out?

Context is I'm going back to work soon after DD1 mat leave and dreading it. I have the option to take a more relaxed role so I'd see DD1 more (and also the chance to go for a promotion, + more high pressure role) and v interested in what other mums have done

OP posts:

Businessflake · 06/08/2023 23:02

I got promoted to a very senior role when on my first mat leave. Don’t regret it at all. If it doesn’t work out you can just look for something else but if you take a step back you’ll never know how it might have worked out.

frootito · 06/08/2023 23:23

I got promoted when my DD was 2. I didn't seek it out, and was asked to do the role. Turned out to be the best thing ever as I am in control of my diary and can work around school pick ups. Very lucky.

Pepperama · 06/08/2023 23:31

Had been promoted just before DC and then a year after return stepped up some more. Finding it pretty stressful TBH and can only do it because my other half works part time and does all the chauffeur duties to hobbies, play dates etc

AlltheFs · 06/08/2023 23:36

No change. I was already senior and have stayed put for now. I did all my climbing in my 20’s and 30’s so am happy to stay where I am for now in my 40’s.

I think I still have one step up in me but not until DD at school. I dropped to 0.81 FTE but will need to go full time to get the step up and I don’t want to yet.

I’m aiming to start the retirement slow down in a decade so very much not career focused now. A definite advantage to having DD later.

YearsofYears · 06/08/2023 23:37

Keep in mind that it isn't always linear. I went down to four days when I went back initially and stepped back a bit. A few years later, after my second I really felt ready for more, had a promotion and have now gone on to a bigger and better role full-time.. So even if you take a relaxed role at the moment, things definitely change and you might want more of a challenge as your kid gets more settled. While I'm loving more professional responsibilities now i have great memories with the kids of when I worked less. A bit of both has been good.

Pissedoffandcovidy · 06/08/2023 23:40

Step up. Don’t regret it, more autonomy, more flexibility, more status, more money.

Callmesleepy · 06/08/2023 23:43

It's so hard isn't it? I went back full time for a few years and eventually it got too much and am trying to go part time but I'm now at the point where I'm coasting while my male/child free peers are getting promoted ahead of me. I still don't know what's best to do next and speaking to friends hasn't helped as we all struggle with the career vs life balance.

MaybeOneAndDone · 09/08/2023 19:36

If the step back doesn't have to be permanent, I would seriously consider it, at least for the first year you return.

If you are using a nursery for childcare, the first year is absolutely brutal for illnesses. Your child will keep getting sick and sent home from nursery (a lot of nurseries have a 48 hours off rule for any case of D&V) and you'll also catch the illnesses, so it's a case of treading water at work.

I knew that young kids got illness when they started nursery, but I hadn't been prepared for just how frequently this would happen, and I hadn't even factored in me catching multiple bugs, too. The last thing you want in that situation is extra responsibility at work.

kikisparks · 09/08/2023 19:43

Stepped up, got promoted shortly after mat leave. I do full time compressed hours so have two long, fairly brutal days in the office but get to wfh 2 days plus a day off with DD and my DH does the same.

kikisparks · 09/08/2023 19:44

Oh and it can be tough at times but don’t regret it at all. Really enjoy and appreciate my time with DD because I work, and enjoy work as a chance for adult time and to use my brain in a different way.

continentallentil · 09/08/2023 20:00

Often you have more control over your time in a more senior role, so consider that.

whiteroseredrose · 11/08/2023 07:23

I stepped down entirely and have only had basic jobs since. My well-being is much better. But that is me. I never 'enjoyed' my job, but it was very well paid.

I found that my job got in the way of life with DC; long hours, weeks away etc. I missed DS's first birthday, which was a big nail in the coffin.

Nottodaty · 11/08/2023 07:30

I didn’t take a step down more a pause. I went back FT when in nursery, but once at primary school I went down to 30 hours just do I could do occasional school pick ups, but my husband did do his fair share. Any important meetings he could cover.

My youngest is now 13 & I finally left my old role, back to FT & a step up. I realised I only stayed in my lower paid role for flexibility & fear if I left I wouldn’t find another one like it - that was naive of me.

I do think i spent five years too long in an underpaid role & expected to do work a grade above me. I still have the flexibility & now paid fairly for what I do!

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 11/08/2023 07:42

First time - grade up, but fewer days per week as a job share.

Second time - same grade, same days per week. No job share.

Caprisunny · 11/08/2023 07:51

First time went back to the same level and stepped up soon after.

Second time I got a promotion while on Mat leave. And continued to step up since

My kids are older. One an adult (at university) and one an early teen, I am so glad I built my career. I found they needed me to be more hands on as teens. I am at a level where I can plan my own week and plan around them.

I am finishing early today to pick dd up and go for a late lunch with her and Ds.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 11/08/2023 07:53

Up but my husband has taken a step back to work part time and is around for the kids.
If wfh wasn’t a thing I’m not sure I would have taken a step up.

abcdefghijklmnopandthatsit · 11/08/2023 08:00

I moved from a very high pressure role to a 3 where working evenings & weekends with no notice was just part of the deal to a 3 day a week, fixed hours role after DC1 was born as DH was in a similar role and we just couldn't work out how the childcare would work.
When DC2 started primary school, I moved back to a "proper" job but negotiated hours so I could take much more holiday than usual (9 weeks a year) and an earlier finish time.
Now contemplating stepping back up to a proper job again. The thing which is putting me off now isn't whether the children need me but that I've got used to having some more time to myself and really enjoy it!

Lovetotravel123 · 11/08/2023 08:03

Stepped back and now the child free people around me get the promotions. This hurts because I have always been a high achiever, but I had to do what was right for me and the family.

Invisimamma · 11/08/2023 11:03

I stayed in my role much longer than I would of if I didn't have young children. It was the right thing for me as I had flexibility and knew the job inside out and I had quite a bit of freedom. My children and 9 and 13 and it's only in the last couple of years I've started to move on and up.

I'm in awe of people who manage massively senior jobs and very young children. Particularly where both partners are working demanding jobs.

Callmesleepy · 12/08/2023 23:05

Those of you who changed jobs with young kids, how old were they and was it internal or external?

Yesterdayyesterday · 12/08/2023 23:41

I went down to 4 days per week after DC1, and felt this was great and I had lots of work-life balance. Stayed 4 days after DC2, but it was hectic with two. A couple of years later I started to become unsatisfied/challenged with my role and ended up getting a promotion and going to 5 days. Was ok at first but now starting to get too busy as DC are getting older. I'm also at a cross roads as DC are 8 and 5 now and I would like to go to 4 days really but also am in the position to get a promotion or change jobs and I don't want to risk it.

I also agree with what a PP said about being hesitant to change jobs to another company as I have a certain flexible working pattern. This has probably affected my salary/career progression to some extent.

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