Mentor is not very encouraging

[bustandboom]

Name changed
Started new job but my mentor is hard work. I feel an inconvenience and not comfortable asking questions at all. The person isn't very friendly at all. They will be then watching me after this week- I'm concerned as I feel uncomfortable I'm going to be utter crap as I won't feel supported at all. I know I'll fall to bits.
I'm being professional but I can't raise this with my line manager it is a dream role and I don't want to be seen as a troublemaker
I just do not sense she is going to be much better.
I miss my old job.
Not sure how to proceed-my option I guess is make it over the next two weeks do my best and get out on my own. I'm just worried when it comes to her watching me I'm going to disintegrate.
It's a dream role as I said and a lot is riding on this. I turned down a promotion in my job to pursue this. Without my wage we cannot pay bills and mortgage

Sounds awful. Sounds like your mentor is not very good at mentoring or that they even like it!! Can you definitely not talk to your manager?

New jobs can feel very overwhelming. First order of business is for you to try and calm down - quieten the panic and doubt, and look at it from a mode detached and objective angle (say, if it was happening to a friend).
Can you share more detail like:

• what is your organisational connection to the mentor - peer from the team etc?
• what are they mentoring you on?
• what sort of industry/function is it?

Unfortunately due to what I do I cannot go into detail as to what I do....I do visits and then from these visits work from home. A lot of it is based on certain legislation and human rights. It's very complex. I am observing then mentor will observe me. I've tried engaging positively and getting nowhere
I was so excited and feel stressed.

Mentor is a peer from my team

@7Worfs Great post, that’s what you should do op. My post is a bit reactive!!

@Miranaboll I fear that raising this with such a small team may actually not be beneficial for myself or the team.
Mentor feedback is a big part of my probationary period and will be conveyed to Management so it has to be good.
I have reiterated to mentor I would appreciate any feedback

Perhaps the mentor has large stressful workload and doesn't really want to be saddled with the new starter but doesn't have a choice.

I'm in a similar role and this has happened to me before when I really don't have the time or mental capacity to mentor but hey ho, management don't give a shit.

It's doesn't mean they hate you or will give negative feedback.

@thinkkook a really good point and one I hadn't considered now you say that she has a big caseload. Must be hard having me to mentor too

Could you talk to your mentor and ask if there’s anything from you end that could make things easier such as submitting work/meetings certain time of day? or do you not feel able to? Is she not approachable?

I guess then try to make them your new best friend so to speak. Especially if you need there blessing.

A new job is a really stressful time and this mentor doesn't sound as though she's helping to put you at your ease.

I think everyone has a wobble early days when they start a new job. Everything is new and in your old job it was familiar....soon your new role will feel like that.

Try not to lose your nerve. You got this job because you have all the skills and attributes they wanted. You can do it. This fortnight is just a hurdle to be crossed and then you'll be romping away.

Prepare well for the work. Be your own mentor and talk yourself up/calm yourself in your head. Fake it to yourself - pretend the mentor is someone you really like and relax and be your normal professional self with her. She's only one member of the team and in a year's time you'll either be friends or you'll have realised that the rest of the team thinks she's a tit too.

Gather up all your confidence and go out there and nail it.

@Miranaboll not really approachable. I wanted to chat today about visits done and questions I had however no point as she was reluctant to say the least. How am I meant to learn if I can't ask questions. Rest of team great- other day shadowed someone else when she was off and it made the world of difference I was really positive about things.
Manager is very supportive and we have catch ups twice a week. I just can't see benefit in being seen as a trouble maker coming into the team tbh
I think I'm going to have to learn myself and plough through faking it.

I actually really don't like people observing me as it stresses me out a lot.

Could be a combination of factors d

Just be friendly and professional and the couple of weeks will goby quick and you'll be released into the wild.

Good luck!

It sounds like the mentor is miserable and doesn’t want to mentor.

I think if you try harder and harder to be friendly with her, she might get even more unhelpful. So stop it altogether, and make the interactions very transactional and to the point (but polite).
Keep a full list of your questions and either run them through another peer unofficially over coffee, or in your 1:1 with your line manager. Don’t throw mentor under the bus, just say you ran out of time with her.

You are a valued professional, remember that. You bring skills, experience and motivation to do a good job. So stand up straight and own it.

I suppose just try and shadow as many other people as you can if you love the job and try not to internalise the way she is. Maybe she didn’t want to do it and it’s not about you. However it’s a bit crap for your training I guess.

Fantastic advice guys- thank you absolutely will take on board.

To me this is not what a mentor does, I feel like your manager is leaving your mentor to do the managing. In my experience a mentor is someone that you go to for guidance in a more general sense, such as discussing career goals or possibly how to handle tricky situations, raise your profile, that kind of thing. As I say, it sounds like your mentor is actually having to manage you.

I'm a bit worried about your talk of disintegrating etc. Whilst starting a new job is nerve wracking you need to be professional and seem capable.

Perhaps your mentor is seeing you looking wobbly and teary and is thinking they are only here to do a job,not an emotional support role.

Can you detach a bit and boost our confidence through talking to friends and family.

I also query "dream job" . A bit like dream house - it is just a lot of extra pressure and baggage. It is just a job actually.

Quick update...had review they are very happy and impressed with me. Mentor gave good feedback

@unlikelychump no disrespect but I have not been teary at all! Never said that. It is a dream role for me and one I've worked towards

You have my sympathy ! I am two weeks into a new job and line manager has done nothing but make me feel anxious, completely overwhelm me with with information, give me the absolute worst cases ( no sign of sharing them out fairly with the other new starter) and then this afternoon involve me in a long running feud that he has with another manager who I had confided in. I'm giving up and going back to my old job !

Great update - glad things are ok.