Problem employee / help managing toxic behaviour

[WillfredJohn]

I currently work for a big creative agency. When I took the role I recommended a junior web designer colleague, from a previous org, for another role that was being advertised there. They were someone who to my mind had lots of potential but had largely never been given a chance.

This person secured the role and ended up working for me. We’d always got on very well and they were always very funny and personable.

In recent months I’ve watched a real decline in their attitude. They continually moan about work and pay, air frustrations about others in the office and are displaying some really toxic traits ( name calling, not respecting boundaries, being rude, taking random time off ).

Given we maintain a good friendship beyond me being their boss, I tried to address it over and over again. But they’ve started to act like they can do as they please. What is worrying me is seeing just how manipulative they are. Super defensive and poised ready to go on the attack.

I want to get them back on track and feel I’ve contributed to this behaviour by being too relaxed and friendly, which has caused some blurred lines. We need to get back to a more professional working style but I’m having other managers now commenting on this person and need to sort it out asap. I’d welcome any advice from people who have been a similar predicament.

Start keeping records and get this on a professional disciplinary level ie following process, get other managers to do the same.

I’d take a leaf out of the radical candour book: care personally, challenge directly.

you’ve got hung up on the personal vs professional thing. You don’t have to stop showing you care about them as a person to challenge their unacceptable behaviour.

establish some new boundaries. State factually what’s unacceptable about their behaviour. Have a formal meeting about it. Document things. Perhaps bring in another manager for support / as a witness if you are concerned about manipulation. Be clear that if behaviour doesn’t change formal disciplinary may follow

You are a Manager. That means you manage staff, you don't let things get to this level. The fact it's gone this far wont be looking good to other managers. Do your job and start the disciplinary procedure.

Watch out for your own job too, as you've shown that as a manager youre unable to deal with problematic staff, to the point other managers are actually throwing you hints. Clear this up then get some further management training for yourself - doesnt have to be work-based/via work, you can follow courses online in the privacy of your own home

Thank you for all of the great suggestions, it’s been so helpful to get fresh takes.

Due to an odd quirk of my agency, we’re based out of different offices (some 100 miles apart) which has contributed to my speed of handling this.

Today we met in person and I went through my concerns, he was super emotional but I shared a document where I’d listed my concerns objectively.

After the session I emailed him a copy and he responded, accepting all of the points raised. He is very emotional, and I’d expected some tears - but it was difficult to get through. Yet I can already see a noticeable improvement, so I’m hoping he can sustain it.

As I said to him over and over again, you’re a great web developer with amazing skills, focus on that. Don’t be sucked into the office politics and gossip - it’s killing your productivity.