Not enjoying work - how can I improve the situation?

[LouisaPeanut]

The TLDR here is: if you’ve been in a job where you don’t really like your manager, how do you get over that?

I’ve been in my job 5 months now. I’m still getting over the adjustment between a role where I confidently knew what I was doing (had been there 10 years) and a new type of role that was a steep learning curve. Holding my own, but feeling like a fish out of water. Very minimal training.

But the sticking point for me is my manager. She’s just a personality clash. Talks about herself endlessly, personal things, all boastful. I am very introvert and struggle with those sorts of extroverts who just throw too much information at you. I end up looking rude, so I’m exhausted trying to hide that. And she’s so patronising. There’s an aspect of my job that I’m very good at, and have a lot of experience in. She chooses to give the bare minimum information away for things I have no idea about (“speak to Tim.” ….Tim who, about what?!) but will go into excessive detail for things I know about (“speak to Tim Smith from strategic finance to find out whether we’ve got the reference documents from the 2022 release. The reference documents list this information and to use them you for this….”). It ends up being super patronising. I’m already struggling with the feelings of stupidity from being new and I feel like she is deliberately doing this; the more I have to ask and quiz her then the more she can boast about what she knows, but she doesn’t want there to be a be a chance I know more about something than her.

On top of that, I’m working on a project with her boss and he’s awful. So busy, doesn’t have time to explain anything, needs to remind me constantly that it’s on his to do list. Asked me to put a meeting in his diary for “next week” even though he’s blocked out for at least a month, and then made a snarky response when I’d put the meeting in at a time he was already booked.

These people are just awful. It’s a really unpleasant working environment. The culture is just a bit cliquey and everyone is full of their own self importance. I really want to try and improve things. Anyone have any advice?

Oh no! Maybe he'll start appreciating staff more

Oh diddum poor boss gets stressed over a meeting, give me strength.

If that was me, I'd decline it and add a note " pls can you try dates after xxx looks like my calendar is busier than I thought" it really isn't rocket science to communicate!

He surely just needs to do what the rest of us do and prioritise? Progress won’t stop on this project if he misses one meeting, the seven of us could still meet. I appreciate he has valuable insight though, and I welcome it, but if his diary is this full constantly then he needs to decide what he wants to work on. Ironically, progress would slow if we had to wait a month to find a slot with him.

TBF I didn’t actually stress him out with my inconvenient meeting invite, he wasn’t panicking about how to attend both or anything, I think he just thought I was some sort of idiot. As I said previously, when people double book me I just send an apology back. No drama.

I’ve not had to work with him before so I’d forgotten he had a PA up until recently. I’m wondering if he is just struggling with his diary without her there to sort it.

I’m wondering if he is just struggling with his diary without her there to sort it.

He sounds clueless just goes to show men people can still get up the greasy pole even though they're inept

Keep that steely resolve @LouisaPeanut don't doubt your capabilities for a moment even when those around you in senior positions let you down.

Sounds like you could just run your meeting, capture the Meeting Outcomes as briefly as possible and send them to him with anything of interest, significance or requiring his input highlighted. That would show you've been empowered and used your initiative in driving things forward and you didn't need him there anyway

@Convincemebob theres 8 of us working on a specific piece of work. Me and him had a separate call booked the other day, we both had a few actions, he asked me to put another call in with the whole team next week. There’s no reason the rest of us can’t still meet. I don’t know him well enough to know if he’ll expect us to carry on (tone says no). It’s definitely something I’m finding trickier than I thought I would: going from knowing colleagues well enough to know how to navigate their busy diaries and be able to second guess their expectations. It would one thing if I could physically go and ask him, or even pick up the phone and easily get him, but my goodness it’s like a military operation having a conversation with the man.