Work anxiety is killing me, possible promotion.

[mollymaebae]

Of course always looking for advice navigating work situations. I have been in my new role for 6 months. Long time employee within the same organisation. I was previously having problems with a work colleague, but that seems to have sorted itself out now after I approached her and asked her to stop.

Things had been going well the last few weeks. Still navigating the dynamics but working hard, performing well and what I like to think developing good working relationships with colleagues.

Recently my line manager has asked me if I would like perform higher duties one day a week, as someone who was doing it has left. I would like to do this, but I told her I was worried about stepping on long term employees toes within the clinic and she should offer the role to someone else if they should want it. Line manager couldn't think of anyone else to perform the role for a number of reasons that I obviously am not privy to.

I did not hear anymore about this and decided I would just wait and see what happens. I then start getting strange comments from colleagues- oh I hope so and so gets asked to do the higher duties role, she really deserves it kind of thing. I then hear from someone else that apparently people had been complaining about me getting asked to do "extra jobs" in the last few weeks and why haven't they been asked.

Now I think people may have caught wind that something is going on and that I'm a potential candidate for this role and are now acting weird around me. I sense there are 4 main culprits and a once strong candidate for this role, cannot perform the role due to other issues. I suspect she has an issue with me now.

I spoke to my manager about this and she told me that I should have more confidence in myself, I have lots of potential and that she would have my back and support me. This is all well and good but other days I'm out on the floor with these women all day and I will now be the target of malicious gossip.

I also don't want to stop myself from advancing in my career. I enjoy learning and always looking at ways I can improve myself. I can be somewhat a people pleaser at times and lacking confidence, which I think is holding me back.

I am so unbelievably anxious now about all of this. I feel like quitting and giving up all together. I just don't know if my mental health can take this backlash from other colleagues anymore. My mental health isn't great as it is. I am currently in therapy for my anxiety. I have been bullied in the past which doesn't help. I am also in my 40's and don't know why this stuff still bothers me.

Can someone please knock some sense into me and give me some real advice on how to deal with this or techniques used to overcome situations like this? Or just simply learning to not give a shit.

TIA

I’m sure your therapist will have suggestions on how to manage this. Have you discussed Imposter Syndrome? Some good books about this.

Your manager obviously believes in you or wouldn’t be suggesting you for the role. Sounds like some colleagues may be jealous of your abilities and progression.

You don’t want work stress making your anxiety worse but if you want the role go for it. Maybe you could do it on a trial basis?

See above

https://www.whsmith.co.uk/products/the-imposter-cure-how-to-stop-feeling-like-a-fraud-and-escape-the-mindtrap-of-imposter-syndrome/dr-jessamy-hibberd/paperback/9781783253067.html?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI97_zk7ecgAMVB0FBAh3Bhwa7EAQYBiABEgIPXPD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

Well done on having your potential
recognised! And you clearly have a manager who has your back, which is invaluable.

I’m a senior manager, and the hardest step was the one you seem to be taking now. The one where you stop just being one of the team and you raise your head above the parapet. It’s hard and you’re likely to suffer imposter syndrome at first, and yes, you may be talked about.

However, very quickly the role will be yours and you will just be accepted in it. The backlash, if there is one, doesn’t last long. Think of it as a stepping stone, you can always leave at some point if you’re not happy, with lots more experience and take a job elsewhere where you would just be accepted as having the experience required to do the job.

Go for it. It sounds like a good opportunity and you want more. You’ll be fine!

@Spudlover Great advice thank you 😍

@24Dogcuddler Thank you for the book recommendation. Onto it now!

Go for it!

I'm a corporate executive and, while I don't know what you do, who your colleagues are, or what your boss' exact thinking is, I can promise you one thing:

There's a good reason behind you being the one who was asked!

When I consider whom out of my team I promote, the question of "how long have they been here" hardly enters the picture. I realise it's something employees don't always quite understand, but I do try my best to try and make it clear and my thinking transparent.

What I am looking for in a promotee is neither "most years on the job" nor "best performance at what they currently do". It's actually "clear indicators of the kind of thinking and behaviour that will make them succeed in a more senior position"! Things such as "seeing the bigger picture", "being smart about setting priorities", "ability to lead others", etc.

Also, sorry, but: most workplaces are not exactly a democracy!

Personally, I have some serious doubts about our current CEO and their strategy (which I keep to myself; I like this job!). I mostly get along really well with but occasionally clash with my direct boss. That doesn't mean I get to pick and choose which bosses I'd rather have. Neither does it mean my team gets to vote for whom I promote. I promote the people whom I trust the most that they will make our business better and my own life easier rather than the opposite.

You should be proud, OP! Clearly your manager sees some of the things in you that I see in my promotees!

PS: yes, it's hard to deal with the "guilty" feelings of "rising above others". I'm currently the boss of the guy who was assigned as my mentor when I was a graduate hire. I almost didn't take the promotion because I knew he wanted it! Luckily for me, he's gracious and brilliant and currently my right-hand man!