Stuck and don't know what to do next

[spinnyspin]

I'm in the very fortunate situation of having options, but am at a point where I am stuck and I don't know what to do for the best.

I have a 1 year old (2 in a couple of months) and a 4 year old who will be starting school in September (both currently at nursery 3 days a week). I have been working for the same organisation for 8 years (but have taken 2 years out for maternity leave). I came back to work just under a year ago (now working part time 3 days a week), and the previous time I was back from maternity leave was during Covid. Prior to going on maternity leave the first time I was in the office every day which I loved, working with lots of different people, helping people and just generally being up and about. I was also doing really well at the time, working on big and exciting projects and was being asked to take on more responsibilities. When I came back from maternity leave we weren't long into lockdown, so everyone was working from home. I went on maternity leave again just over a year later (with everyone still working from home) and during that period we decided to move away from where we were living near to my work, as I had spoken to my boss who had said the majority of my work would continue to be from home. We thought great, we can move way from the city (my husband also works from home) and afford a bigger place to live and be close to family. All of those things have happened, and we couldn't be happier living here and having our kids growing up around their extended family.

The main sticking point is I detest working from home. This is completely my own fault, I knew I didn't like working from home from the experience during lockdown, but I was on maternity leave, prioritising my family and thinking, it might be ok as I won't be stuck in a little flat anymore, and anyway, i'll worry about that later, i'm off to have a baby!

I really lack motivation working from home, i've lost all the love I had from my job, and spend most days procrastinating and then spending several nights working until 1am because I haven't done what I needed to in the day (great with two young kids!). I love the people I work with, I love everything the organisation stands for, and to be honest, I feel like somebody else out there would be doing a much better job than I am at the moment and be more deserving of the position. It's not the best pay but it's not terrible, it's a pretty average salary which just covers the childcare.

My husband has a great job and seems to be getting promotion after promotion, he's extremely ambitious and hard working. He has said why don't I jack it in and think about what I want to do, spend more time with the kids etc.

To be honest, I would love to do that. I'm sad my eldest is starting school and we'll no longer have our Monday's and Friday's together, and I want to be able to make the most out of time after school, and school holidays, and to be able to have more time with my youngest who won't be starting school for another 3 years. I was thinking I could go freelancing, and pick up whatever amount of work I want to take on and be flexible in when I work rather than feeling tied to a desk. I know I could probably get a little bit of work, although I have major fears i'm not good enough, and have just had a look at a freelancer website and feel like I just don't compare in regards to the amount of experience and talent other people have.

A volunteering opportunity has come up locally (in the sector I work in) which I am keen to take up, as I just want to do some bits for me and feel a bit of pride in something outside of being at home. I have started trying to learn another language, I want to start exercising more, and writing. I feel like i'm in a bit of a muddle and don't really know what I want so am trying everything!

I'm worried about leaving my career, and then finding myself 10 years down the line and not able to get back into work. Where I live there aren't many opportunities in the industry I work in, and i've worked really hard to build a career for myself, but I know what i'm doing now isn't making me happy, and I spend most days thinking about how to change it.

Has anybody else felt like this? I understand I'm really lucky to have options, and to not work for a little while if I don't want to, but I still feel like it's a risk. It will leave me with no financial independence (my husband is not tight one bit and we share everything, but there will always be a nagging feeling i'm not contributing, despite all of my wage going on childcare at the moment- but that's not forever), and I feel like I might be throwing everything away I have worked hard to achieve. But then again, my children come first, and would having me around more be better for them? Or is seeing their mother working hard at a career equally important (they're both girls). I think I need to resign myself to a decision, because I can't keep going round and round with it.

Any advice massively appreciated- thank you, and sorry for the long post!

I'm in a similar situation but don't have the answers. I have thought that's it's important to be there for the kids and my eldest has said she doesn't want me to be out of the house all the time (she is 8 and obviously used to me being there for every pick up and drop off) but at the same time I would like to push myself and try a new career.

It's very hard! I don't mind working from home though for now. What I do think is that you can't have it all unfortunately that's what I'm realising!

Thank you for responding. Yeah you're right there! Have you not been working for the last 8 years then? How have you found it? How old is your youngest? I hope you find a balance that works for you!

My 4 year old has said she wishes I didn't have to work, which is obviously very normal and parents have to work, that's just life, but I do think to myself am I going to look back and regret not spending these years while they're young with them more, but instead I spent my time doing something else I didn't have to do and wasn't enjoying or really doing a very good job at.

Another thing is as my youngest is already at nursery 3 days a week, I wouldn't want to stop that completely, and I think it would be great if she could still go a couple of days as she's settled there and enjoys it, so I think with freelancing I'd at least want to cover the cost of those 2 days which puts a bit of pressure on in that respect!

I left a corporate job, and went back to the same organisation 10 years later after teaching and volunteering. What's the point in staying if you don't like working from home?

Is it possible for you to commute in for 1 day a week to get the benefits of being in the office?

If you freelance would you be wfh? Do you think you'd manage to motivate yourself?

What's your wfh setup?

Good point! It's good to hear you managed to leave and come back later. In all fairness, quite a lot of people have left the organisation I work for and come back at a later date. And quite a few have continued to do freelance work for them, so that might be an option but I don't want to count on it.

I was thinking about that, but the travel is nearly 3 hours each was and £50. I just can't justify it. I am going in next week so i'm looking forward to that. I do get to go either into the office or work from a different location once or twice a month which is good, it's just the isolation of working from home that gets me.

I do worry about the motivation to get freelance stuff done as well. I have done the odd bit previously, generally in the evening which worked well. I think part of the problem at the moment is feeling like I need to be doing set hours and at my desk 9-5, which has been fine when i've been working with other people and in a different environment, but at home I really struggle to focus. I then get a massive amount of guilt for waisting time (and not doing anything of any use in that time anyway, it's not like i'm making the dinner or doing the washing, i'm just farting around online getting distracted by every little thing).

My set up is my desk is in my bedroom. It's not ideal but it's ok. I was going to go and work in a cafe today but I really need two screens for the project i'm working on at the moment so have ended up staying here.

Would it be better for you to stay in the job but make a proper work space?

When I worked from home, I bought a quality Garden Room office, insulated with electricity and internet extension and it did me for 18 years of working at home. I would go through at 8, come in for a coffee break at 11 and 3, and lunch at 1 and then could close the door at 5 and not do anything else so it was a great way of separating work and home. I had a proper desk, with an extra screen and docking station.

That sounds lovely to be honest! I don't know if that would help, as I don't think it's the environment, more in inability to stay on task when I know I can get away with not (and then paying for it by having to work into the night to catch up) I've always been the same, even as a student, leaving everything until the last minute. I seem to be fine when I'm around other people, I can crack on when I need to, but i'm much better at practical work, making things, working with people etc. I'd also be reluctant to spend loads of money on another room, although I think we'll probably put our two girls in the same room which would free up a room for an office, but I don't know if that's the problem really, I think it's the lack of people and my lack of focus which is the issue!

It's harder to apply a focus and set a time limit if there's little demarcation from home space to work space.

When I was struggling with the same I started going into the office more often. I know it's further away for you but could you experiment with the library, a co-working space, or a neighbour's house, to get a change of scene? You also then have a 'commute', have to get properly dressed and finish up at the end of the day.