Touchy manager

[Dup8]

So, new and very patronising manager started at work recently. Immediately they were overly critical and incredibly condescending towards me. On my second encounter with this person they walked past me and rested their hand on my arm and then patted it. A little later they walked very close to me and I swerved out of their way.
I have a strong aversion to touching in the workplace. I was sexually harassed in two previous jobs where I was grabbed. This person is only going to say they were being tactile or friendly. I'm off thus week and don't want to go back. The thought of being in the same building is panicking me. The obvious thing is to go above them and complain but I don't think it sounds much when I say it. I have two interviews next week so do I just chuck a sticky and pray for a new job? Thoughts please!

Sicky not sticky!

Did you tell them that it is your preference not to be touched? I don't think you can really complain about where they walk.

I would send them an email, copying their manager and HR, telling them not to touch you.

You need to tell a manager you have just met in 2023 it's your preference not to be touched?!

You shouldn't have to tell people that that's your preference. They should assume it is.

Yes that sounds like a plan.

This is massively heavy-handed (forgive the pun).

Tell them neutrally, politely and face to face. Only if your wishes are ignored then follow up in writing.

I think your previous experience is trigger your fight or flight.

First, before you do anything else you ask them politely and in front of others not to touch you the next time they try. Be very clear and state that's its nothing personal but you don't like to be touched. Please do not do it again.

This should be enough. If it isn't then you escalate.

state that's its nothing personal but you don't like to be touched
No, not that bit.
"Do not touch me. It is not appropriate." Repeat if necessary.

That's a bit much. General touching of another person even in the workplace is necessarily inappropriate.

Inappropriate touching is subjective.

The op feels it's inappropriate for her this is a problem she has. She cannot speak for everyone generally by blanket stating 'it's not appropriate'

Touching is always inappropriate unless requested.
OP does not have to explain and does not have to consider herself problematic because she doesn't want to be touched by colleagues, managers etc.

One sentence, once stated.

"Please don't touch me - I don't wish to be touched", and maintain eye contact until they stop. After that, if they do it again, or didn't stop, report to HR.

*not necessarily inappropriate

For example, I would not consider an absent minded pat on the arm or shoulder inappropriate touching.

Boundaries for inappropriate behaviour for me include

-Trying to hug me uninvited
-Stroking me in any capacity
-Pressing up against me
-Bum squeeze or the like
-Speaking to me in an overly familiar fashion (ello darlin, sexy, gorgeous ect)

This person is only going to say they were being tactile or friendly. It starts with the atm then escalates.

yep they would do as it means they get away with it. Most work places are no touch zones. What this guy is doing is flexing his power to see what you will do. he is been discrete with it so match this. Next time his hands are placed on you a tutt tutt with the tongue and a ‘please keep your hands to yourself’ said with conviction.

No, not discrete. Loud and with conviction if she means it. Discrete colludes in the secret.

I didn't comment on whether you should need to say it, 2023 or any year. I asked whether you had told them. If you don't want to fine. Go to their manager, contact the Head of HR, and copy in the CEO telling them that your manager walked too close to you, and rather foolishly touched your arm. By all means escalate a minor thing to the highest levels, and when they ask you if you mentioned it, snap their head off too.

I appreciate that you have had some bad experiences. I don't think that it's wise to make any kind of contact with an employee without permission, but patting an arm or walking on a floor is not harassment, and you will sound odd escalating this having said nothing at all. But you do what you must.

And interesting that there is an assumption this manager is male. They may be. But the OP hasn't said so.

Based on what op has said about this manager's demeanor and behaviour, it's warranted.

Someone you do not know touching your arm in the work place is inappropriate.

There's a difference between offering a hand to a new colleague.

There's a difference between hugging a colleague you know well and are friendly/ friends with.

Touching in a stranger in an overly friendly way without any indication that they would like this is deeply inappropriate - regardless of intent.

I would not email your manager, but I would have a quiet word (via email so there is a lot if needed) with either their manager or HR and say that you felt deeply uncomfortable that they thought it was ok to touch your arm on your second meeting. Ask them to have an informal chat about appropriate personal boundaries - while asking to remain anonymous.