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Newly single mum with no idea

5 replies

Parmaviolet1719 · 08/07/2023 19:38

Hi everyone. I split with my husband a few months ago (he was cheating) and am now alone with 2 daughters age 6 and 3 (we have 50/50 shared contact). Little one is starting reception in September. I’ve been a SAHM for over 6 years. I obviously need to get a job but am clueless. I have applied for a part time training course to become a TA, but the more I read, the more I think I won’t be able to live on that wage. But I don’t know how I would cope with a job with regular hours. I have no family close enough to babysit regularly, and childcare costs would cripple me. How do single parents cope? I am starting to seriously panic. Thank you.

OP posts:
MrsSamR · 08/07/2023 20:07

Aww lovely - first of all, I'm so sorry. Sending hugs and a plague your ex husband's way!

Can't offer much practical advice from personal experience but presumably if he has a job he'll be required to pay child maintenance? And I understand UC covers up to 85% of childcare costs spent hopefully that should help? As you say being a TA is not as well paid so if you could get your childcare paid for that should open things up a bit for you. What did you do for work before you had children?

Parmaviolet1719 · 08/07/2023 20:29

Thank you. Before kids I was cabin crew, which isn’t an option now for numerous reasons. Unfortunately even though he is on a good wage, because we split the kids 50/50 the amount of maintenance he has to pay is absolute peanuts. I have recently applied for UC credit and am waiting to hear back, so I’ll have to look into the childcare thank you. I’ve never claimed before and don’t really understand how it all works.

OP posts:
NeedSleepNow · 08/07/2023 20:36

I have been a single parent for 2 years now to three children agreed 6-13. I had taken an 8 year career break (I previously had a well paid career) and had just started a job in a school a few months before the split. It was very low hours and term time only so paid barely anything, it just about covered youngest's nursery fees.

When we split, I claimed universal credit which then covered 85% of the childcare fees, child maintenance (rate ex paid was based on the government website calculation), I then had my wages and chil benefit. With those combined I was able to cover the mortgage and all bills for the house and the children's expenses. It was tight but I managed it.

I have gradually increased my hours at work, and have been retraining at college on my days off in the hope of being able to build a new career. My childcare costs are lower now that I'm just paying for breakfast club and a Childminder for a few hours a week. It does help working term time only so I don't have to worry about childcare, but the trade off is a lower wage.

If you are claiming universal credit you can claim back 85% of childcare costs for holiday clubs during the school holidays if the provider is ofsted registered. My kids love holiday clubs and would happily go everyday if I was workinh during the holidays.

Did you have a field of work that you were in previously that you could easily go back to? Do you rent or have a mortgage (universal credit will help with rental costs but not mortgage). If you aren't already claiming universal credit do check the entitled to website to see what you can claim. I would suggest applying for everything you can, my children were eligible for free school meals, I got council tax support, the cost of living payments this year, warm homes discount towards energy bills and a slightly reduced tarrif with my water company. As my income has gone up the help has decreased, but it was really needed in the beginning and such a huge help.

I will never forget ringing the council tax team to remove my ex from the bill in the first few weeks and the lady on the phone told me 'just remember how strong you are, you can do this on your own'. I desperately needed to hear it that day and I often think of those words when I am having a tough day. Please remember you are strong and can do this. It is tough trying to juggle work, childcare, the kids, studying, etc. but you can and will do it and you will set a wonderful example for your children.

Notjustamum10 · 09/07/2023 15:32

So sorry you are going through this.

The above poster has some really good advice. Also worth considering is setting the 50:50 arrangement to your own benefit - can these be regular days every week to allow you to commit to working these days? Your ExH should pay for childcare on ‘his’ days, whether these are school holidays or not. So ‘his’ days are days when you can maximise earnings without the outlay of childcare costs.

This will really need to be agreed in writing with ExH to provide you with reassurance and commitment.

L1to15 · 09/07/2023 15:41

Hi OP I am a single parent to one DC who just turned 4 and will be starting school on Sept. Me and my ex also do 50 50 and for childcare I pay the nursery bill, claim it back from UC and whatever is left after their contribution we go halves on.
You will get help with rent but not mortgage from UC, and they have a personal allowance and a child allowance. You need to decide which one of you will receive child benefit, I receive it then pay half to ex. He pays no maintenance.
As you have 50 50 care you need to make sure your ex isn't going to apply for UC as you can't both claim costs for the same child.
UC do pay a decent amount my boy has been going to nursery 4 days a week as I work full time, I also have no family support so in Sept he will be at breakfast and after school club on my days.
Try not to panic you can do this, I work full time and earn a decent salary even as a single parent.

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