Ten years ago I met someone at work, we got on really well, became good friends and they introduced me to their friends and I was made to feel really accepted and loved. 5 years later and this persons true colours showed. They were extremely toxic, passive aggressive and showed narcissistic traits. They’d make me and other people in the friendship group feel anxious and would “call us out” on behaviour she deemed inappropriate or unacceptable an example being one of our friends cancelled plans a day or two before because she was overwhelmed at work and needed time to herself. Toxic friend told her to “snap out of it” and said that “she’s being dramatic and just wants attention.” Toxic friend would also manipulate us to do things we didn’t want to do or go to places we didn’t want to do, but at the time we couldn’t see her bad side. Anyway, I had enough after I’d confided in her about a rocky patch in my marriage she sent me a voicemail that was horrible. She basically threatened to tell my husband that I didn’t love him and that I was thinking of leaving him. (For context I was a new mother and I think it’s fair to say all new mothers feel resentment towards their partners at some point, we thankfully worked through the rough patch and have been so happy for years now). But for me, this was the last straw and I finally saw toxic friend who for who they really were. I blocked them . I totally ghosted them. Which some may argue is immature but I couldn’t waste any energy fighting them. I explained to all of our mutual friends what had happened and that I no longer wanted contact with her. I fully expected them to side with toxic friend because they had known her the longest and for a long time most did. But over the next two years toxic friend managed to push every single one of those friends away and all of them reached out to me to make amends and build a new friendship. I haven’t had any contact with toxic friend for 5 years, and it’s been glorious. No drama, no stress or anxiety.
I recently applied for a new job, I was offered it and was really excited to start. I was talking to a friend who dropped the bombshell that toxic friend works there. So now I face seeing her every day. I fed so torn and sick. This job is perfect, it’s walking distance, it’s good pay and I truly believe I have a lot to offer but I’m feeling very anxious now.
Everyone I’ve spoken to has told me to be the bigger person, be polite and only talk to her when I need to. Some have even said I probably won’t be seeing her that much anyway.
What would you do in this situation? Go in head held high and ignore her/ be civil or tell the employer that you no longer want the job? If I do go ahead should I tell anyone at the school about our past? Should I even tell toxic friend that I’m joining? My heads spinning!