Low down on childcare please? First time mum

[bumblebee2235]

Hi, baby is 3 months old, partner works full time. Starting work again Thursday for one day a week, it's flexible so I can add or drop hours currently around baby. (She was premature and has a few issues and her own dietician and consultant as she has problem with her eyes)

One day a week I can have my relatives with children look after her so it's like a play date.

So how will childcare work when I pick up more hours, also is next year a good time to then go full time? I do have an offer in NHS but depends on the roles availability nearer the time, but I have contact number for the hiring manager to discuss.

So that's all I have planned.. so hoping for advice on how other mums managed childcare and full time work, also what's the best option in my circumstance. I'm torn between staying part time and being more available, or going full time and securing her financially 😬 I feel whatever I do will be wrong 😅 I don't particularly want to be part time and reliant on benefits... I do have medical issues which hindered my employment in the past, but I don't want to be defined by disability and prove to myself and baby that I can do and achieve as much as others. In the past I have held down full time work and enjoyed it until I ended up in hospital most times.. but the role I have sort of been offered are fully aware of my disability and have still asked me, so they must think I will be able to 🥰

The first 18 months are hard so if you can afford to stay part time initially then I definitely would.

Whatever child care plan you put in place needs to be robust, we opted for nursery rather than a childminder as nursery are not dependent on one person like a childminder and you aren’t left without childcare if someone is sick.

From 13 months we’ve done three days of nursery, grandparents one day and I don’t work Fridays so it’s a great balance and works for us.

You don’t mention a partner but if there is one on the scene it’s great to discuss who could drop when if baby was ill in advance. Just because you might be working part time doesn’t meant all the sickness should fall to you.

As a single mum I chose a lovely childminder close to my office.

It meant that I could drop DS off just before 9 and collect him 5 mins after I left work, so I was nearby if there was an issue.

Because my childminder had 30 years experience and used to be the Ofsted regional supervisor for childminders, she had loads more experience than me, good facilities and was a tower of strength.

Also when I went to London one day and there was a signalling issue and I struggled to get home, she was totally understanding, gave ds his tea, put him to bed and I collected at 9pm, without giving me a hard time and fining me, like nurseries do. She was lovely and I'll be forever grateful for her help. In return I gave her glowing references every time she asked.

DS went full time from 2y to 4y, when he started school.

Stay part time if possible is my advice, even if you have 1 extra day off it's worth it if you can afford it.

All options have their pros and cons, I chose a nursery close to my office (pre WFH era!) so I could get to DD quickly if I needed to.

DD had 1 day a week with her grandparents, which was amazing, they have infinite patience and their bond with DD is so lovely.

Yes partner is full time :) he works all over though, can be in a different county. So as I would be closer probably be me to deal with sickness, he is also higher earner so a day of no pay effects us more if he misses work.. although grandparents are extremely helpful and live close.

How much roughly is childcare? Does the government funding for it help much?

I don't particularly want to be part time and reliant on benefits

What about your partners income? What is your financial set up at the moment? You say I
don’t want to be reliant on benefits but childcare needs to be a joint cost.

I do equivalent of full time hours but compressed into 4 days, as does DH. We have a 3 yo who goes to nursery for 3 days. As a PP said the initial 12-18 months are hard. They get ill a lot, their sleep regresses, they cut teeth and somedays just turning up to work feels like a massive achievement. Often you can’t turn up for work because your DC gets turned away from childcare.

In your situation, with a DD with medical needs, medical needs yourself that have required hospitalisation and a partner who is frequently out of the country id be trying to make part time work as I think you’ll be at risk of burn out trying to do it all. If you can keep flexibility around your hours all the better - if your DD is poorly and you can pick up your hours at a different time that sounds like a win win situation.

How much roughly is childcare? Does the government funding for it help much?

Highly depends what childcare and where you are. We are one of the cheaper parts of the SE and our nursery is £75 per day. My SIL in London pays close to £100 per day. Friends in the NW pay more like £50 per day. Childminders tend to be a bit cheaper - think the going rate round here is about £5-£6 per hour.

There currently isn’t funding for children under 3. There is proposed funding for 15 hours a week for 38 weeks of the year for children under 2 from September 2024, so this time next year roughly. Assuming as you are NHS you will work year round, this will equate to about 10 hours per week, so just over a day.

Would your family reliably commit to regular childcare?

Thank you, very informative. I guess i feel I need to attain the impossible! Be the perfect hands on mother, whilst also able to provide all the financial needs if/when required. Also due to my past and the medical needs, I think I have a chip on my shoulder so now I feel I need to push myself even harder to do everything everyone else can and make up for all my missed years 😅 before I got poorly I was on track training to be a legal executive in a solicitor firm to at one point being cared for 24/7 in a home, I got a bit resentful haha

So I've tried a few times in the past to thrust into full time work which was rather demanding, I would manage a few months before I would start getting sick again, but would feel too embarrassed to say so would push myself till I ended up in hospital for months then have to quit anyway :(

So perhaps part time flexible is what I should accept for now as it will be manageable with childcare and hopefully ensure a steady foundation to maintain full time in the future.

My partner does work full time on a good wage... but is horrendous at managing money :(

He has a child. He doesn’t get to be ‘horrendous at managing money’ now. You sound incredible, but putting yourself back into full time work when both you and your DD have health needs and he’s frequently out of the country, just because he can’t sort himself out is not on. You need to find a childcare provider you both like and split the cost, preferably to reflect the amount you are both working. If he’s that bad he should set up a direct debit to you for the exact amount each month to prevent him from spending it.

I've been FT since I went back after 9 months off, both times. We have an excellent nursery we're very happy with. No family nearby so the DC are there 5 days a week.

Remember that going PT doesn't just cost you now but will likely slow your career progression and will reduce your pension contributions. You may be fine with that, but choose it with your eyes open.

Your DH doesn't get to be shit with money, childcare is a family expense to be split in the same way as rent/mortgage and nappies.

Illness will likely be incessant, especially the first winter and you both need to be fully aware of that - you will not be able to (and should not) cover it all, he needs to cover half of the days you're both working. That's working parent life, he doesn't get an out.

Your career matters too, so he needs to be on board with sharing the days off if baby is sick.

I have two children who are primary age. My husband works full time and I work 22.5 hours. He works away a fair amount. How it works for us is that when my husband is here he does more than 50% of the sick days and things to make up for him not being here. He also earns flexi on his work trips to use during school holidays/ for sports days etc.

Have you sat down to talk about money? Does he accept he's bad with money? It shouldn't be down to you to provide for your child- it needs to be shared and you both need to step up.

I went back part time and have reached a point where if I do more hours on current (very fair) wage I wouldn't take home any more money as nursery would cancel it out, so do some sums based on your take home pay vs days nursery etc.
Dd is at nursery 2 days a week and my mum has her one day. It is shockingly expensive! The tax free thing helps, you pay money into the account and the govt automatically top it up then you pay the childcare direct from there. Some providers don't accept this I don't think/ aren't registered or something (don't know the details) so look into that.
Also... fair warning, I am 12 weeks pregnant and have only been able to get hours for my unborn child from jan 2025. There was no availability before that date, so best to look now and you may not have the choice you hope you will! I think they've all been overrun since the promised free childcare.., which if it happens will be a huge help but I would budget based on it not happening just in case!

Well we have to discuss it, as I'm pretty adamant on us using one car. It's beyond affordability to run two, esp while he uses company van during work hours.. so will have to be on the days one has the car or other does will be on sick day duty.. far easier to get to doctors and emergencies to get about by car.

I was thinking of speaking to the career advisor from government website? My job now is great flexibility and for current reference but in next 5 years and when she starts school I would like to build career. I do have a variety of qualifications and varied roles. So perhaps they will know what to apply for, CV help or courses to maximise potential in earnings and work?

I never realised childcare was so lucrative 😬 how??? So many people work? That's crazy. I can't use my mum forever as she needs to enjoy her retirement. What's the difference between childminders and nursery?