Horrible horrible boss

[anywherebutthere]

I've just moved to a new company in the same field I've worked for the past 7 years. I've been really lucky in the 7 years that I've got on with every boss I've had. I've had amazing working relationships with them all.
I've only been with this new company for 3 weeks, but honestly I can't cope. He's absolutely horrendous.
He comes in and you never know what mood he'll be in. He'll either be shouting at people on the phone, or sulking, or nice as pie. One day we are allowed the radio on, the next day he refuses as someone's pissed him off.
You can do something one day and get praised for it, and the next day get a bollocking for the exact same thing.
He plays people off against one another and will gush about how amazing a colleague is as they've completed so and so amount of tasks. The next day that same colleague is getting a bollocking for something.
You never know if you're in his good books or not and I'm going home in tears every day.
I've only been there 3 weeks and can't just up and leave as I have bills to pay.
I've tried to keep my head down and totally ignore everything, but then you get picked on for something just so he gets a reaction from you. It's not just me he treats like it, it's most of the staff.
I need coping mechanisms please!!!

I'm obviously applying for other jobs. I just feel gutted that I left my lovely old job with lovely managers just for more money. I can't go back either as they've filled my role.

I had this last year, all you can do is apply for other things as it will ruin you. I’ve always been confident and good at making decisions and honestly, after 9 months of that environment I was a nervous wreck. It’s taken me months in a new role to find my feet again.

Can you speak to HR? Do you have a Probation period? HR would advise to start keeping a log of incidents dates/times. Is he a bully? Bullying and harassment should not be tolerated in the work place. I suspect everyone is too scared to call him out on it. How dreadful, what an atmosphere it must be.

I've just left a job with a boss like this.
It is true that people leave bad bosses, not bad jobs.
My boss was devastated when I resigned and only then started to appreciate what I did. Well too late now.

I am really good at my job. Not a stealth brag, but I've always been really successful and my confidence and mental health is in pieces.
Awful isn't it?

I am already keeping a log.

@anywherebutthere What about your colleagues? Are they just worn down and accepting of the situation? Has anyone complained about your boss before? If you can gather group evidence against him, so much the better.

I would front it. I would actually say to him “why do you talk to people so badly?” Or “why are you shouting for no reason?” I have called people out like this before - always respectfully - but called out none the less. They quite often shrink back and leave you alone. He is a bully and they don’t like being called out.I once got called in for a private chat with the manager after I said this, and I told them bluntly they were being rude and nasty with no basis. One you prove you won’t be walked over, dynamics will change.

I would (and have) just leave. He won't change

Don't beat yourself up about moving to this job. Everyone should have a reasonable expectation of being treated with respect in any role. I was once in a similar environment and several of us women used to find ourselves crying in the toilet together after our boss was having a rant. It is not you, it is him. Put any spare energy you have into looking for a new role and in the meantime try to numb yourself to his nonsense. Never take it as criticism of you, it is his problem and he will continue to be an arsehole long after you are gone. Sending love and good energy.

Well that was a result. A whole day without crying!!!

All of my colleagues just let it go over their head and tell me to ignore him. I find it really hard though. It's draining trying to keep a brave face whilst being picked at all day long.

One way to help you cope is to view him as a toddler having a tantrum- because that’s exactly what he is.
But definitely look for another job. You can ask your previous boss to be your reference. I’ve done this before and didn’t stop me from getting work.

He honestly is like a toddler having a tantrum. I've never seen anything like it. That's a great way to think about it.

In my experience you cannot fix a nasty boss. Management will already be aware and for whatever reason have kept him in role. HR work for management so as pp have said just get out as soon as possible. The advantage is now you know you're off you don't need to take anything he says on board and can stare him down whenever he's rude.

I agree with others, put up whilst you job search. If they ask why you are leaving so soon give a tactful response along the lines of different management styles.
Out of interest have your new colleagues been there long?

Yeah colleagues have been there for ages. Boss only for about 9 months. So he was joining an already existing team. I'm the newest. Plus they're mostly men except me. They don't get as upset when he picks at them.

I guess when you're new, and everything is new and stressful, plus you're learning so your confidence takes a nose dive etc. And you feel a bit needy and useless.
Then you've got someone talking to you like shit. It all gets a bit much!

I just left a newish job because of my direct horrible boss. She makes me miserable everyday& bullying me from day one. Luckily I have only been there 7 weeks. I should leave within one month. It's noting to do with job, I can handle my new job very well.
It's her moody, bullying attitude. Before I took that job, I was very confident, happy person. I left my previous job due to redundancy & company insolvency.

I will start a new job next week. Just because that miserable experience, I felt very worrying & nervous this time ..Finger crossed, this time I can encounter a friendly & reasonable boss, nice team.