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Original poster

why should i go back to work?

25 replies

stitch · 12/12/2004 21:27

hi
im hoping someone can give me some unbiased advice.
if my dh earns enough to pay the mortgage etc, and i have three kids, do i have to return to work once youngest is in school? i hated my job, teaching, and wont be earning much. probly will cover childcare. but not anything else. and i know dh will expect me to contribute financially as well.
it's just that he will think i am sitting around on my arse!! all day doing nothing, whilst he is working hard. i dont want to go back to teaching, and see no financial benefits in doing so.

OP posts:

xmashampermunker · 12/12/2004 21:28

What would you like to do? You don't have to go back to teaching - the world's your mollusc of choice!

albosmum · 12/12/2004 21:30

hello stitch -
no you don't have to go back to work - but I don't suppose your DH will listen to me.
What would you like to do?

moondog · 12/12/2004 21:32

Leave him on his own with them for a week then ask him again if he still thinks you'll be doing nothing but sitting on your arse all day...

Original poster

stitch · 12/12/2004 21:34

i guess its more a case of me standing my ground, rather than getting someone else to argue my case....
what i would like to do is join a gym. spend afternoons swimming in a nice pool, do some volunteer work with older people. and just not have any kids around me basically.
loaf around i guess!

OP posts:

pixiefish · 12/12/2004 21:35

i second that moondog.

don't blame you regarding the teaching stitch- i'd get out if we could afford it. what did you teach? could you do some home tuition or supply work? think of the money and no planning/marking with supply

xmashampermunker · 12/12/2004 21:36

I'd put the volunteer work first and mutter the stuff about swimming and loafing If you say those first, DH won't hear the volunteer bit!

moondog · 12/12/2004 21:36

Oooh stitch, that sounds marvellous!
Exactly what I envisage!

Original poster

stitch · 12/12/2004 21:37

moondog, i wish.... left him with them for two hours once. the house was clean, dinner was made etc etc. when i got back at six, the baby was asleep, ( i specifically asked him not to let them sleep as i would return and give them a bath) the kitchen was a pigsty. ds1 was sitting in the living room crying and he was in the tv room watching telly in a foul mood. and the rest of the place was a big mess too.
i dont think he would take care of them properly if i did that

OP posts:

juniperdropofbrandy · 12/12/2004 21:37

Good one moondog

I was thinking the same thing as you stitch. Other people seem to expect it of me when ds2 goes to school next Sept but I wouldn't go back to my old profession either.

I'm looking forward to going to the gym regularly, cleaning the house, decorating and going on some course/s. If you can afford to stay at home then you don't need to worry if they're ill etc... and you aren't trying to fit everything in. My dh doesn't expect me to go back though so it's different for me.

Do any other SAHMs get fed up of people making excuses for you in company? I had this the other night when out for a meal, some guy was being very patronising but I just turned it round with my wry sense of humour

FrostyTheSurfMum · 12/12/2004 21:39

No, not loaf around - have some well-earned me time. I've had the same thoughts about when dd is in pre-school. I'm looking forward to a whole morning to myself when I can have a swim or do some exercise.

If your salary = your childcare costs what's the point in working if you don't want to?

juniperdropofbrandy · 12/12/2004 21:39

lol stitch I'd only read your 9.27 message before I posted. Sounds like we're seperated at birth

pixiefish · 12/12/2004 21:39

offer to do the odd day supply- think the rate's about £150+ per day if you're at the top of the scale and have passed through the thresholds

Original poster

stitch · 12/12/2004 21:39

yes, i could do the tuition. that would be fun, and some money as well.
definitly dont want to go back into a staffroom though. classroom would be fine, but it wont be the same not knowing the kids would it?

OP posts:

Original poster

stitch · 12/12/2004 21:43

its so nice to have a non depressing conversation. and its good to know im not the only one who doesnt want to work. i come from a family of working women. and the ones who are not in paid employment do so much volunteer work that they are busier than the paid professionsals.

OP posts:

blossomgoodwill · 12/12/2004 21:43

I am in a similar position in that my 2 children are at school now. Slightly different in the they go to different schools as my d attends a sn unit.
However although any extra money is helpful it would not be beneficial if I went back to work as all the bills are paid and we have money for extras. We are by no means well off though. I can't see me going back to work for a few years yet. I never have enough time in the day as it is. I really take my hat off to mums that do work full-time, it can't be easy fitting it all in

moondog · 12/12/2004 21:44

But Stitch (9:37) I think a lot of women feel that if they clear off, their dh's won't do a good job. The blokes know that and play on it, so you (the woman) is left STILL doing everything and getting more and more pissed off about it!

I insisted that my dh make shortbread with dd tonight. Was itching to interfere but stopped myself and it worked. And another thing, I'm about to return to the UK after 8 weeks abroad during which time I have been with the children constantly (I tell a lie.. had one 20 min trip to the supermarket for milk. Living on the edge eh?) and bloody hell, I am off as soon as we get home.

Have a lovely lovely dh but still.. he needs to learn how it REALLY is!

moondog · 12/12/2004 21:45

It's actually easier to work.At least you get a bit of time to just think...

juniperdropofbrandy · 12/12/2004 21:47

I do three mornings voluntary now and it's very satisfying. One in a church cafe, one in the pre-school and one helping to run a parenting group/course.

xmashampermunker · 12/12/2004 21:47

DH looks after DS on Sundays when I'm at work. I got home tonight and the back room was tidy, he'd built a bookcase and a CD tower (which he'd been to Ikea to buy) and there was a lovely casserole and jacket potatoes in the oven. I am truly blessed.

Original poster

stitch · 12/12/2004 21:48

moondog, you are so right about doing too much. and he does take advantage of the fact that i do it all.
must try to be stronger. your life sounds like mine actually. i tend to take the kids with me to get milk though as nowhere to leave them

OP posts:

pixiefish · 12/12/2004 21:51

stitch- you'd soon get to know the kids if you stuck to just a couple of schools. plus you could keep out of the staffroom if you wanted. plus it would get dh off your back. plus it's not your fault if there's not a lot of supply around at the moment is it [angelic grin emoticon]

xmashampermunker · 12/12/2004 21:52

Meant to say - he knows that if things weren't done, I'd not go to work and he'd not be able to buy things. He is also truly blessed, iykwim!!

Original poster

stitch · 12/12/2004 21:56

xmas, youre making me green with envy.
why cant i have such a loving relationship with dh

OP posts:

heymissytoe · 12/12/2004 22:38

Stich - if going back to work only pays for childcare then there is absolutely no point. Is there anyway you could work (very minimally) from home - someone suggested tutoring and I was thinking the same thing - just one or two days maybe 4 half hour slots and keep the kids upstairs and quiet? or piano lesson (music lessons of you play an instrument well enough?) Writing from home - why does dh thinks it's worth you working when it will only pay for the childcare that covers the hours you work? or have I got that wrong?

xmashampermunker · 12/12/2004 22:40

Didn't mean to make you envious - just to show that if you have to leave a DH with children, they are more than capable of doing things (however much they protest!). DH was a bit hesitant at first, but I think he looks forward to Daddy Day now!

I'd go down the 'supply teaching, but not much work around' route if I was you :)

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