How to resolve situation with colleague

[Impossiblecolleague]

Have nc for this as don't want it linked to my other threads. I have a colleague who really seems to dislike me for no apparent reason. I'm sure there must be a reason but I don't know what it is. We both started with the company at the same time & are at the same level but she seems to think she is above me & can tell me what to do. I've tried speaking to her & I've tried ignoring her. Nothing works. How do we resolve this? I've contemplated going to HR but not sure I have anything concrete to raise a grievance for. I don't really care if she likes me or not but we need to work together.

Sounds like a situation for HR meditation?

but having said that I’ve worked with loads of people I dislike, you just need to come to terms that you won’t be friends with this particular colleague but you will need to be civil. Provided you’re both civil when required, I wouldn’t lose sleep over someone disliking me!

Also I wanted to add I was in this situation- the reasons why I disliked my colleague were:

1.Bad at her job, causing significant extra work for me
2.Would always comment rudely on my outfits, constantly staring at me
3.Would try to embarrass me in front of others eg picking holes in anything I’d say to someone to try and isolate me socially
4.Went on a night out with her and she drunk too much, vomited, gossiped about others
5.Excluded me socially eg office cards

The reasons why she disliked me:
1.She felt managers favoured me (I was just good at my job in comparison to her doing bare minimum)
2.She thought I stole her boyfriend (who I never met or even know who he is - HR laughed this off)
3.She thought I turned people in the office against her (when I never said anything about her to anyone.) She wasn’t liked in the office due to her own interactions with others.

Anyway that’s a summary of some of the petty things people might distance themselves over!

Sounds like a situation for HR meditation?

Do you mean mediation?

My team would be pushing that back to the manager in the first instance. Clue is in the job title.

Discuss with HR. If she is trying to give you tasks and instructions inappropriate to her role then that’s something her manager needs to address with her.

i have this too. I am polite and only talk about work that relates specifical work tasks otherwise they ignore me and I only ever say hello in the morning to be polite so I don't get called to HR for being rude!!
Ive ni interest in mediation the situation is awful because of their previous behaviour towards me. They can live in a bag of sweaty tramps piss and I wouldn't care

It's so frustrating as I get on well with every single person there except her so I don't think it's me that has the problem. It could be because I'm not chatty but I'm honestly too busy for chat & that's not what I go to work for. Her hostility does get to me though. I guess the answer is not to let it.

I wouldn’t ignore her, but if she tells you to do something, just say you’re busy doing something else.
hopefully, she’ll move into someone else.
I would make a note of everything though, just in case.

Every time she suggests you do a task say: if that task is outstanding I would ask you to please complete it yourself, by x time today.

Turn it back on her.

People like this crop up every now and then. I've learned to ignore them and position myself to not have too much to do with them. Anything they do to get a reaction I ignore or don't rise to. Usually you can't change them so instead just ignore them as much as you can. As an aside they need to get a life really as it's immature.

does her grumpiness impact on your ability to do your job? Or can you both work in parallel on different tasks without needing to speak? If the latter, then I would just ignore her entirely and chat to other people.

if you have to collaborate with her on work etc, then speak first to your boss and explain how her lack of communication is impacting on your work. That she doesn't reply on time or makes things difficult etc.

also, document everything that you can so that if you do need to go to HR, you have a clear record of what has been happening.

HR can't make people be friends but everyone should be able to be professional and communicate effectively in a work environment.

She undermines me, goes behind my back & dies things which dies impact my work. My boss is aware but not doing anything about it. Its affecting me because she was very hostile & aggressive to me in a meeting with one other person & this kind of behaviour gives me anxiety due to a past abusive relationship. It's difficult to explain this in a work environment. I find her behaviour very unprofessional. I'm thinking I will need to take this to HR before things escalate.

If you feel someone dislikes you at work there will be a reason. There is never not a reason.

I feel I get on with most people but there's someone at work I'm really struggling with at the minute (I'm not the only one I might add!). Management insist they are trying to sort it out though.

I struggle with this person as they don't pull their weight. We work in a small team where we all are supposed to do the same job and support each other but this person isn't keen on working as s team, blocks the rest of us out and just does the bare minimum whilst the rest of the team are slogging their guts out. If we ask for their help they are huffy and arsey.

I'm civil and polite but that's as far as it goes. I don't talk about anything other than work as most of the day I'm sat silently seething. Resentment is building in the tram now unfortunately.

I'm not saying you are any of those things but just there is always s reason. Or maybe your colleague is just an arsehole 😂

You need to document everything.

Also respond with email for a record.

E.g.
"Jane, you told me to go and tidy the stock room, if there's something you think needs to be done, please speak to our manager, Bob who will decide who should do it."

"Jane, In the client meeting when you said 'are you sure about that,' to me after hearing my calculations it undermined me in front of the client and made the company look unprofessional. As you know, the figures were, in fact correct. You had misunderstood the VAT exemption.

If you have concerns in the future please address them in a more professional manner."

"Jane, your comments that my dress 'shows every lump and bump, were inappropriate.' if you have any issues with my clothing in the future, please direct them to our manager."

For every single thing.

I agree you need to make notes, take them to the manager and ask when this is going to be dealt with.

Then if they don't go to HR.

"Jane, your comments that my dress 'shows every lump and bump, were inappropriate.' if you have any issues with my clothing in the future, please direct them to our manager."

The response to this one isn't to go to the manager, more like:

" Jane your comment that my dress shows every lump and bump was rude, demeaning and humiliating to me. If you do not desist from commenting on my personal appearance and body shape with immediate effect, I will have no alternative but to formally escalate your behaviour up the management chain".

For nasty bullies like this, facts are their enemy. They like it to remain passive aggressive, insidious, unspoken and under the radar. Verbalise it and playing it back to them double-underlines their behaviour

On 15 Jun you did xyz which had abc effect on me

In a list, go through it line by agonising line

really stop them in their tracks especially done verbally in the privacy behind closed doors in the office. You'll find their demeanour magically changes when you show poise, dignity and courage backed up by facts.