Distressing response from HR

[Pegs11]

A good friend of mine is really struggling with life at the moment, she’s trying to escape a very abusive marriage and has a heap of other worries (including financial) that mean she is in a very vulnerable emotional state, and her mental health has taken a massive hit. She has been concerned that it might be affecting her job (she’s definitely very stressed at work) so she spoke to her boss and told him what’s been going on, explained her situation, the domestic abuse, the money worries etc, and expressed that she was concerned it might be impacting her capacity at work.

Her boss took that information straight to HR (without asking her if that was ok), and HR have triggered a performance review in two weeks’ time. They’ve said to my friend that they need to check she’s doing the job to a good enough standard and if she’s not, they can’t guarantee she won’t be let go.

My mate is terrified of losing her job, because losing her job will seriously undermine her chances of being able to get out of her unhappy and unsafe life situation. So when HR checked in with her a few days later, she told them everything was fine now and they don’t need to worry. They said “there you go, you just needed a bit of tough love”.

This doesn’t seem like very good behaviour from HR? They’ve offered no support, no reasonable adjustments… they’ve just terrified my friend into silence and now she feels under even more pressure at work than she already did.

What can an employee do in a situation like this?

HR is for the company, not the workers. She should get a counsellor not speak to her boss about personal issues. Especially when sId boas is a snake

Depending on the sick pay policy of where she works I would be going on the sick with stress in her position.

That's dreadful. Is she a member of a union? If so she should contact them. If not, ACAS.

How long has she worked there?

That’s appalling. How long has she worked there? They’ve basically piled on the threat of losing her job when she’s already suffering such stress! Has your friend spoken to a GP and is she getting support for her MH? I hope she can leave her awful marriage, once she’s started her new life, heres hoping she gets a new job!
https://www.acas.org.uk/supporting-mental-health-workplace

Sorry I have no useful advice, but that really is dreadful

Not good HR!!

www.hestia.org/pages/category/everyones-business
I suggest she send HR and her line manager this link and ask how they will be supporting her to stay in work.

That's am awful response from HR but there is context missing. Is she a surgeon /air traffic controller or another job where there is a serious consequence of making a mistake?

Going off stuck seems sensible. And getting support outside of work to help her improve her situation.

Good luck to her

Sounds appalling.

Is this a large company, likely to have written policies on employee support?

Is there any specialist support for women there?

Is this local HR? Is there a central, more professional and functional, HR?

Does your friend has a police report?

Does she have a doctor's report?

Has she worked there two years or more?

Is there an employee assistance programme (EAP) - i.e. free counselling.

I would collect evidence (police and medical), phone ACAS for advice, and take up any support offered by the company (EAP etc). I would probably preserve my mental and emotional energy and only get formal or obviously assertive if there is a written policy that has been contravened or ignored. That's quite possible.

I think that I would keep my powder dry, while talking to ACAS etc, but send a very gentle email

Dear x

Would you mind confirming what data and records of my conversation with x manager have been shared with HR, who has access to this information, and in what form it is stored?

I'm afraid I hadn't realised that this information would be shared outside that conversation. I've been advised that it's extremely important that victims of domestic violence should not make abusers aware of any disclosure or plans to escape the situation, because this increases the danger of escalation. So would you please let me know who has access to what information and how confidentiality will be assured.

Thank you for your help with this matter, and I'd like to reiterate that I'll be very happy to engage with any relevant resources or support that you would recommend.

Y

Not a direct approach to the problem, but starts a bit of a trail and might wake them up a bit.

That would be useful context, but if this was a real fitness to work situation - i.e. a lapse of concentration might kill people - it would be even worse that they are putting pressure on her to carry on regardless.

She needs a GP appointment ASAP and to explain all of this and be signed off sick with stress. HR haven't given her any other option now.

The boss has had an empathy bypass! But all the same, you don't get reasonable adjustment at work for personal problems, that's for disability. They also don't owe her support. It's the kind of information she should have offered up as mitigating circumstances if they questioned her performance, not taken the information to them herself. If her personal life is making her too ill to work she needs to get speak to the GP, either to get signed off for a while or to start antidepressants or something to help her cope until she's extracted herself from her shitty situation. Obviously that won't look good on her sick record if she's signed off and she might be let go next time they make redundancies, but it's better than staying at work and making major fuck ups. So what it's best she does is going to depend on how badly her work is affected. Feeling stressed at work doesn't matter (to employers), the question is - is she getting the work done without disaster?

The manager can do a stress risk assessment which will provide a plan to enable your friend to remain in work with support.

However, in my organisation we would be holding a performance review in this situation; it is well known that outside factors can impact performance The review would enable better understanding and support to get your friend through this.

This. Perhaps her work was already being affected to boss is now using this as an opportunity

I disagree and so would most managers I hope, as well as HR professionals I work with. You are right that we wouldn't use the term "reasonable adjustments" except for disability. But if something is affecting your performance at work, explaining the issue and asking for any advice or support is the professional approach. Waiting to be "found out" and then explaining is unprofessional and damaging to the company's interests.

I agree that performance review, like return to work meeting etc can be genuinely supportive. This only happens with open and trusting communication. The fact that manager wasn't transparent and HR rep spoke about "tough love" in this context (nauseating) suggests to me that reviews aren't supportive in this workplace culture.

So I would be sending the email above to remind them of their obligation to handle personal data professionally, and to push back on suggestion that no support or resources are available. Maybe nothing is available. Then they shouldn't mind confirming that in an email.

My first thought was what was her job - surgeon? Pilot? In which case I can understand if her boss has told HR you've said her work is affected they might need to check she's safe. But that response is shocking and she should speak to ACAS about it.

In over 30 years in the workplace I've met maybe two decent HR people. The rest have been nosey, power hungry, utterly unpleasant twats (and that's across a range of organisations, private and public). In my current job they're the nastiest I've ever encountered, which meant I've had to use my knowledge from previous jobs as employee and manager to make sure I was as protected as I could be from day one. I'm bloody glad I have that experience to draw on though and am not new to the workplace or the sector.

Firstly, is she in a union if that's an option? Thatcher pretty much defanged the unions which is one of the reasons employers walk all over workers these days, but it's still better to have union backing than not. If, God forbid, it does get to dismissal they can advise on constructive dismissal and help her fight her case at a tribunal if necessary.

Also, even the crappiest HR should allow her to have someone with her, depending on the meeting (not sure about performance reviews where your friend is). And she needs to keep records, in print or via personal email bccs if she can, of every conversation and email sent. I'm saying this as I know of cases where organisations have deliberately made it difficult to access systems when people are signed off sick. Also, copies of the company policies.

Secondly, does her workplace have a counselling service or Employee Assistance Program or similar and is she reassured that it's truly confidential? Unfortunately lack of confidentiality and tattle tale tits are a major factor in why people aren't using these services as much as they might.

Thirdly, does her workplace have an occupational health team she can ask to be referred to? This is what her crappy (and, I suspect, very inexperienced) boss and beyond incompetent sounding HR SHOULD have suggested. I'm just betting the boss has always enjoyed robust mental health and has no clue what anxiety, for instance, can do to a person. Although some other comments about needing to know the industry are possibly relevant, safety comes first, and that includes for your friend.

Fourthly, and she may want to do this first, has she been able to make an appointment to talk to her GP about getting signed off with stress? One of the very few good things to come out of COVID is that GPs are even more aware of mental health issues than they were previously.

And finally, what about women's aid charities if the root cause of this is the abusive marriage? Her citizens advice bureau should be able to suggest some suitable local or national helplines.

I am so sorry she's going through this and I hope a solution is possible.

They quit…that’s what they do!

1st I’d look at the sick pay and go off on long term sick if possible

2nd I’d start looking for a new job ASAP look at sites like glass door to see reviews and get an employer who doesn’t treat people like this.

This seems like the boss has been wanting an excuse to get rid of your friend. HR can’t just make the decision to trigger a performance plan without management buy in. Some PPs maybe don’t understand this - “nasty” HR are often taking the flack for management decisions. Your friend should write to them outlining any support/adjustments she requires and asking for an occupational health assessment - or providing a fit note from her doctor with any required adjustments outlined.
I wouldn’t recommend kicking off at this stage or writing anything shitty because, although she’d be completely in the right, if her manager is looking for a reason to get rid of her this will compound it.
However, they sound like a crap unsupportive company and as PP have suggested I’d recommend leaving.

She needs to arrange a meeting to speak to HR directly. She doesn't actually know what the boss said to them to reach conclusions that they aren't supporting her.

If she speaks to them directly and shares her situation then any performance review won't stand because she has told them she is impacted.

She needs to do this now, not on the review or after but now, and whilst she's at it complain about her bosses response.

Some of these Responses indicate there is a thought your manager is in some way a guardian of you, there to support your out of work turmoil. This is not correct.

the woman went to her manager and explained she may not be doing her job properly or performing to standard due to a host of personal issues in her personal life, which she then shared inappropriately. It’s her personal life, not sometjing to be discussed in a business relationship unless there is a significant performance issue or impact. Hence why they had to review it,

she needs to think carefully about what she shares at work, and critically, why, why did she need to tell her manager she possibly wasn’t doing her job correctly? What did she expect to happen when she formally informed him? He isn’t a counselling service. Much also depends on the role she does, for example a carer, a counsellor, a nurse, a doctor, someone who handles finance, of course they need to review.

Did HR relay all the information she told her manager?

What I mean is, did her manager go to HR as a supportive measure (seeking reasonable accommodations) or in a disaplinary manner (seeking a review)?

What utter nonsense. I do very much hope you are not a manager responsible for people in anyway.

I work in HR and these responses me laugh.

The line manager is hiding behind HR. HR wouldn't decide to put your friend on a PIP. That would be the line manager.

Crap managers who use the "HR said" line make me want to laugh and cry. I have been blamed for things that happened at meetings where my advice wasn't followed and I wasn't even there. But it is presented to the employee as "HR said".