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Feeling back stabbed and let down

4 replies

sadmum52 · 26/06/2023 18:09

I started work for a company 3 years ago . I had worked a week and sent home with a laptop due to covid and never gone back to the office since . I’m not a fan of office environments but it’s a necessary evil when you do what I do

After 6 months I had a new manager . She was very nice and we became firm friends . We have socialised out of work and the families are close . As the business has grown she has always said she would need a team leader at some point and the obvious candidates would be myself and one other . She also said if she did have to promote one above the other she would be the point of contact and we would not fall under the new team leader. All this is fair enough. To be honest the other candidate would make a better team leader as she is a social climber , loves the power , wants the title and panders to one member of the team who is always off sick . Over the last few weeks things have changed and under handed things have happened and meetings have been had and conversations in the weekly meetings have started from my boss “ the other candidate and I have been talking and this will be good for the department “ these kind of conversations have creeped in . Someone in the team has gone to my boss and said that I think I would be the best candidate and she is a fool not to have me and I would leave if I didn’t get it “. None of this has never ever been said . My boss balled me out about it . She is now back peddling and wants a meeting at her home so we can talk it over face to face . I have found out today that the manager and the other candidate have been in the office all day . I’m normally invited on these day but not today . I need some advise on how to handle this . Giving up the job is not an option as the pay is wonderful, I work from home and I get a bonus every three years which is nearly the same as my yearly wage .

OP posts:
411sleeper · 26/06/2023 20:29

Why are you going to your boss' home rather than the office to discuss? Why did your boss have a go before establishing whether you had actually said those things?

Unfortunately socialising with the boss is always going to lead to tricky situations. It's very possible she has the impression (as I kind of do) that you care less about the promotion than your rival, and/or your rival has been going out of their way to take on a mor senior role.

My advice is to put aside your friendship, go into this meeting in professional mode, put forward what you think has been unfair (slander and your boss believing it), why you think youre best for the job if you do want it, and be willing to be difficult with this person as your boss. Time will tell if you can be friends and colleagues.

Aprilx · 27/06/2023 06:56

It sounds like quite an unprofessional place to work. You need to speak to your boss in the office, not her house. I am not sure what you are asking though, why have you brought giving up your job into it?

sadmum52 · 27/06/2023 16:53

The person that went to my boss said I had said that I would give up my job if I didn’t get the promotion. I wouldn’t leave . I work from home , the pay is good , the bonus scheme is out of this world . I suppose I’m upset that she didn’t think she could pick up the phone and say “ look I have to appoint a team leader as we are expanding. I think the other candidate would be a better fit than you ( of which I agree with ) . I think as your both senior staff that you will be managed by myself and not the new team leader and we will see how it goes “ I feel betrayed as these conversations have not been had and they have lied and denied this is happening when I’m not stupid. I am visiting her at home for two reasons . One : we all work from home so there isn’t an office within commuting distance Two: perhaps she feels we could be more at ease and say what we want to say to each other in a less formal environment. I’m happy to go there but I have written a list of things I want ti say . There will be tears ( mainly on my part as I cry when angry and it truly annoys me I do this ) but I think have been handled wrongly

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 27/06/2023 16:55

You need better boundaries with your boss.
Lines have blurred and you expect her to treat you as a friend at work, which she can’t.
Shes actually being very professional, you need to do the same

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