So depressed that I missed out on dream job. Anything I can do?

[MeeThree]

I am a single parent. I have a Dp but it's early days and we are not financially connected. I had a big job at a multi National firm and they changed the CEO and I could see the writing on the wall. Things were getting worse and they would not listen to my advice and I knew I had to leave before the business started a massive downturn.

I dipped my toes into the market (this was last year) and although there were a lot of start up jobs, there was nothing similar to my level.

Because I'm a single parent and my kids are totally reliant on me financially, I don't have the luxury of being able to be unemployed. I was then offered what looked like a great job. I was told funding had been raised and there was a large expansion plan which I would be in charge of and I would get equity alongside my salary (as I would be taking a pay cut to go there). I didn't have equity in my last job so this was a draw and made up for the salary drop.

I took the job - I was excited about it but in all honesty, I didn't have an alternative.

Once I had started, I got a call from a recruitment agency. They asked if I was happy and I said I was but had just started and they said they had an opportunity for me but wouldn't say who it was with or what it was but that I would like it. I turned it down so they asked me to recommend someone so I did.

A few months later it turned out all the promises to me were lies. The company did not have the funding and the equity has not materialised. I started looking for roles but the market is quieter now. While this was happening, the job that I got approached about was announced and it went to the person I recommended. It's an absolutely amazing role. Role of a lifetime. Massively high profile and would have set me up for life and would have led to Ned roles afterwards etc.

I know it sounds ridiculous but I cried last night. I feel this is like one of those real crossroads moments in my life and I missed it. Im in my 50s now and unlikely I will get another. I have no idea why the woman from the recruitment agency didn't at least give me an idea of what the job was.

I need to slap myself back into action but finding it so hard this morning.

Can you speak to the person you recommended and see if they can help you find something?

I feel so sorry for you. I hope another amazing role comes your way.
Maybe take this as a life lesson that if the recruiter does not clearly tell you about the job, to just go for the interview so that you have more clarity about the role.

I was already in this job and had only been for a few weeks so I wasn't doing interviews speculatively

If they had told me what it was, I would have done though!

Person I recommended was my number 2 - they have got the top job so there won't be anything for me. I am hugely delighted for them but I already have people calling me today to say omg that's your dream job, why didn't you go for it and why didn't they ask you!

Well you didn’t know. How could you say yes to a job you knew nothing about? It seems just so crazy that she wouldn’t tell you anything about the job. You are a single parent and need to know what you are getting into. Stop being hard on yourself.

I would have a cry and then get up and do something about it. Contact the original recruiter and find out why you were not given all the information and then say you want to move and want them to find you something even better.

At all times, be congratulatory towards your colleague and do not say a bad word about anyone.
Don’t regret what happened, you didn’t have any information. Smile and believe that there is something even better for you. Good luck.

I wonder if you would have gone for it if you'd known, though - with being so newly in post in the new job, and without the benefit of hindsight over the existence of funding. You might have felt that you had to commit to the current role and not wanting to look flakey by jumping twice in quick succession.

However, regardless of that - it's done now and it's entirely understandable that you feel frustrated and upset for yourself, whilst pleased for your former number 2. It was bad luck and timing.

So I guess the important thing now is to look to the future. You have a job, which if you'd stayed in the previous place you might now not. You can keep plugging away at the job market, which is tiring but ultimately will be worth it. I'd get back in touch with the recruitment agency who approached you about dream job to say you are now looking around, is there anything coming up that's similar to dream job? (And likewise that's what I'd say to your former number 2, you're really happy to have recommended them and you're now looking around again yourself, if they hear of anything).

Hopefully something turns up for you soon.

Recruiters are often cagey about the roles they have, especially if they are high profile. It's so commonplace that they wouldn't share details that I am surprised you didn't know that. You are either interested, or you aren't. In this case you weren't, so she moved on. It's unfortunate, but at a high level approaches are often tentative.

I do know that but I'm also at the level where people will generally share something - like size/industry - even if they won't share name. She wouldn't say anything about it so I had to make a call there and then. The specific industry it was in is my absolute sweet spot and it's a v specialised industry. The one I'm in now is related to it but not exactly the same. Even if she had just said that it would have been something.

Thanks - you're right @tribpot , I just need to have a look again but the market has turned for my level/area and I know just from keeping half an eye on things that it's much harder now. I have a few friends looking for roles and they are not finding anything. I am grateful I have a job!

And yes I am being nothing but super congratulatory in public and number 2 has thanked me for helping them get the role!

You’d never know she might move on! Talk to the recruiters and tell them you are on the look out.

Have a cry and a drink first. Then Dust yourself off and chin up! Call the recruiters you know and your network and tell them you are looking to move on. The job you missed was great on paper but who knows what it is like in real life? There is a reason why it isn't yours 😉💪

I'm sorry you missed out on the dream job. The timing is terrible with respect to your current position going south.

However, it is usual for a recruiter not to give details unless a candidate is interested in the type of opportunity. Given that you had just moved, said you were happy and were willing to recommend someone, it's not a big surprise that the recruiter didn't share the details (industry norm).

Fingers crossed that something else comes along for you soon.