Commitments outside of work…AIBU?

[definitelymaybes]

Setting the scene:

Joined large company (50k+ staff) September last year.

Overnight stays expectation 1-2 nights per month that individual selects and manages.

10 overnight stays per year set by company and shared at start of the year. I’ve ring-fenced all and have attended/will attend upcoming.

Twice so far this year, new boss has put an overnight stay in (150+ miles away) with a weeks notice.

Boss lives in small village and has kids, regularly says / jokes going away with work is perk to get away from kids, proper nights sleep, nice expenses… wine etc… I live in a big city and don’t have kids.
Often I have weeknight commitments, theatre, comedy show, music gigs.

Most recent overnight stay request came in with 7 days notice. I’m taking my parents to dinner and a show to celebrate their wedding anniversary.

My boss regularly comments on other people if they can’t attend work events and regularly rehashes their “excuse”

Feeling cornered and pressured that my “excuse” isn’t worthy enough and that he’ll passively aggressively bring it up in a sarcy way on our next team conference call…

Then let him!
Say I have prior commitments and can we have a system where these are considered in advance so the overnights don’t clash with work life balance?

Fair :) thanks
Joined this company for the culture, looked like good work life balance from outside and they bark on about it now that I’m in, internally.
Think I’m making mountain out of mole hill because I’m still new ish.
Should I go into detail to substantiate the commitment… what show it is, how much the 4 tickets cost me etc or does that show weakness, trying too hard where simply “I have a family engagement that was booked in months ago”?

A week notice is far too short

Why doesn't this company share all the required dates in January at the start of the year, so that people can add them into their calendar?

Surely other people make plans during the year too?

No need to go into detail, just say you've got a commitment on that date already. You aren't lying so nothing to worry about.

Ha - I would probably laugh and say you could only make it if he reimbursed in full for the cost of the show for you and your parents and the pre paid Michelin starred restaurant you were going to

What does it say in your work contract op? Usually when trips are implemented with seven days notice or less, it says in the job description that “travel at short notice is part of the brief” or words similar to that.

I recognise that this isn't fantastic, and your boss sounds like a dick, but.... I think that you signed up for overnights away so I would tread carefully about appearing to complain about this. I would differ from others - I wouldn't go into a huge song and dance about this but I would send my apologies for not attending and make it clear that this is a special family celebration that has been in the diary for months.

I would also "cut him off at the pass" about raising it by doing so myself - I assume you have team meetings or something similar, and I would be nicely and constructively saying how very sad I am that I wasn't able to attend the overnight session (pile it on!!!), and how exciting / useful I find these opportunities to interact with my team (or any other positives you can come up with) so it's really hard when they come up at such short notice, so perhaps we (together, as a team, being collectively responsible etc etc) could agree a notice system so that it minimises the need to miss meetings, recognising that people have other responsibilities and commitments etc etc. I am sure you won't be the only person who has this problem and you may find a lot of support. And honey catches more flies than vinegar.

You might want to also "cautiously" frame it in terms of diversity / discrimination etc - as in how your team is getting ahead of the game in making positive moves around such things - people with children, single parents, people with caring responsibilities etc can't drop things at short notice. It's about being inclusive, caring, etc etc

Basically, he sounds rather egotistical and self-centred, so use those traits to convince him that what you want is actually what he wants in order to be seen to be a rroactive and good manager.