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Original poster

Struggling to cope with job

32 replies

NeedaplanNeedtogo · 03/06/2023 12:27

I'm 50, a single mum of 2 DD aged 9 and 13, their fathers not in the picture from day one. Been separated from their stepfather for over a year and divorce almost finalised. The relationship was not a good one from day one really (as my old username suggests) and lasted 7 years.
I moved over 300 miles 5 years ago mainly to suit my ex and have been isolated and fed up in this semi rural insular place but my kids are settled and like it.

My mental and physical health are not dire but equally not great. I have chronic issues and take daily meds for low thyroid, HRT, Sertraline and now iron and vit b12 as just exhausted and struggling with low mood and incessant periods. Not having any money didn't help and struggling on benefits.

I've not worked much since having dc mainly due to lack of opportunity and support and also poor mental health. In the last 2 years I've started learning to drive and level 3 counselling.

I reconnected with an old friend who recommended me for a FT 37 hrs WFH remote customer service job and I was delighted and felt it was the answer to my work problems.

The reality has been very difficult for me. I have been nervous on the phone and felt completely incompetent often, made silly mistakes like forgetting to read scripting, needing to put people on hold a lot. Struggling with being sat down for hours in ready with only 10 mins break. My back has all but seized up. Struggling to get my youngest out early for breakfast club and not being there to pick her up, she walks now with her sister as I can't get finished on time to collect her.

I don't get finished on time as calls will come near finish time and we have to answer them and my kids are not getting fed til 7 or 8 regularly.

I have to visit the office once per month (over 4 hrs away by train) and the company put me up in a hotel. I need to rely on ex for overnight childcare which I know he won't do long term as he is unhappy that I do not want to reconcile (secret alcoholic and used sex workers) I have no family or friends I can call on.

Any ideas to help me sustain this job?
I do feel better about myself being in work and the extra money has of course been wonderful but I'm too exhausted to do anything when I'm finished or at weekends.

I'm aware that my age and lack of work experience all goes against me for trying to find something else.

Just finding it all a bit much though!

Thanks to anyone who read all this!

OP posts:
SchoolShenanigans · 03/06/2023 15:32

Can you reduce your hours? Fewer days or shorter hours?

swanling · 03/06/2023 15:35

That's a lot for one person to deal with.

Long term, I would look at it as a stepping stone. It's a chance to establish some settled work history, to build up some skills, get a reference, etc etc. Easier to find a job from within a job.

In the short term, find small strategies to take the edge off the difficult things and be compassionate with yourself. Your confidence won't grow if you give yourself a hard time whenever you make a mistake.

You can get tabletop adjusters to use an ordinary desk as a sit-stand desk. They're not very expensive. Have you had a desk assessment?

There's also Access to Work which might be worth exploring: atw.maximusuk.co.uk/

Original poster
NeedaplanNeedtogo · 03/06/2023 18:58

SchoolShenanigans · 03/06/2023 15:32

Can you reduce your hours? Fewer days or shorter hours?

I hadn't thought of that 🤔 would be well worth looking into. Thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
NeedaplanNeedtogo · 03/06/2023 19:03

swanling · 03/06/2023 15:35

That's a lot for one person to deal with.

Long term, I would look at it as a stepping stone. It's a chance to establish some settled work history, to build up some skills, get a reference, etc etc. Easier to find a job from within a job.

In the short term, find small strategies to take the edge off the difficult things and be compassionate with yourself. Your confidence won't grow if you give yourself a hard time whenever you make a mistake.

You can get tabletop adjusters to use an ordinary desk as a sit-stand desk. They're not very expensive. Have you had a desk assessment?

There's also Access to Work which might be worth exploring: atw.maximusuk.co.uk/

Thank you I will check that site out it looks good. I will have a look at table top adjusters also, hadn't heard of them. The company provided me with a chair but the desk is mine. It's old and a new one is probably in order.
I have been giving myself a very hard time I guess. Feeling sorry for the customers who have me answering their call! My manager is happy enough with me so I don't know why I'm beating myself up. Silly really.

OP posts:
IamRoyFuckingKent · 03/06/2023 19:07

First of all, don’t lose this job, you need it. Ask for flexibility and extra training if you need it. Batch cook. Take regular breaks.

do you have any local trustworthy friends who can do overnights when you go to the office? If not talk to your manager, explain your issue, see if you can do something remote.

IamRoyFuckingKent · 03/06/2023 19:08

Also loads of kids survive breakfast club and after school sessions.

IamRoyFuckingKent · 03/06/2023 19:10

Also well done on getting a job and good luck

Lovetotravel123 · 03/06/2023 19:15

Do you have to be at the computer for all the calls? I see you have a script but are there any where you are just on the mobile? If so, could you walk around the house when on those calls? I used to pace around when on the phone in lockdown to help prevent back pain etc.

MadEyeMoodysEye · 03/06/2023 19:39

That all sounds really tough. As you say your boss is happy so I'm sure you're doing much better at your job than you think.

First, it's really important that you have a safe and comfortable set up. Better to invest in that now than to end up long term sick with back, neck or wrist trouble. I have a really comfy chair, and DH has a sit-stand workstation. It makes a world of difference compared to when we used to WFH on laptops at the kitchen table.

Can you explain the situation to your boss and ask if there's any way the monthly office day could be avoided? Could you request more frequent breaks, so you're moving for a few minutes every hour or 2, maybe by shortening your lunch break?

If not, have you got a friend who could have the DC overnight on your office day?

Can you afford a cleaner? Also the DC are old enough to understand how busy you are and to take on a few regular chores.

Could you batch cook at the weekend and then during the week all you need to do is reheat it and do some rice or pasta or whatever. The DC could help with this too. Otherwise really simple meals like beans on toast, omelettes or jacket potatoes are fine - again, you could teach the DC how to cook a few basic meals.

PandaOrLion · 03/06/2023 19:54

I did a similar job for a while and worked part time. It suited me much better as it was fewer days rather than shorter days. Worth thinking about what you need.

Is the plan that you’ll end up doing counselling or this or something else? Just because it’s fine to do this as a short term thing if you know you’re doing something else but hard to think if you’re going to be doing this forever.

Original poster
NeedaplanNeedtogo · 04/06/2023 11:53

IamRoyFuckingKent · 03/06/2023 19:07

First of all, don’t lose this job, you need it. Ask for flexibility and extra training if you need it. Batch cook. Take regular breaks.

do you have any local trustworthy friends who can do overnights when you go to the office? If not talk to your manager, explain your issue, see if you can do something remote.

On a typical 9-5 shift I am only allowed one 10 min break in the morning and another in the afternoon. I get an hour for lunch usually around 12.30. It is all mapped out rigidly on the schedule and has to be adhered to. We have to be "in ready" at all times. I think I might be able to get away with some bathroom breaks as well.
It's been a bit of a shock to the system but it's normal for call centre jobs I'm told.
Batch cooking sounds like a good idea thank you.
No unfortunately I don't have anyone who can help with the overnights, will speak to my manager.

OP posts:
Original poster
NeedaplanNeedtogo · 04/06/2023 11:53

IamRoyFuckingKent · 03/06/2023 19:10

Also well done on getting a job and good luck

Thanks!

OP posts:
Original poster
NeedaplanNeedtogo · 04/06/2023 11:58

Lovetotravel123 · 03/06/2023 19:15

Do you have to be at the computer for all the calls? I see you have a script but are there any where you are just on the mobile? If so, could you walk around the house when on those calls? I used to pace around when on the phone in lockdown to help prevent back pain etc.

I do have to be at the computer for the duration of the calls unfortunately, lots of info to input or to bring up and discuss. I think getting up and stretching more somehow is going to be a must though.

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 04/06/2023 12:01

My manager is happy enough with me so I don't know why I'm beating myself up.

Stop beating yourself up!

A nine-year-old walking home with her sister is fine. As is breakfast club. When you say you’re struggling with getting her up early, do you mean ‘it’s a struggle to get her up early enough’ or ‘I feel guilty about getting her up early’?

Eating an evening meal between 7 and 8 is also fine, you know. They can grab a substantial snack when they get home from school. They’re not tiny, they can wait.

Sort your desk situation and do stretches, and put your thinking cap on for the overnights - a local teenager (17-18) who wants some extra cash?

You sound like you’ve overcome lots, and life will keep getting better. Kids get older and their needs change - soon you won’t even need breakfast club and they’ll start to be able to be left overnight too. Keep going!

Original poster
NeedaplanNeedtogo · 04/06/2023 12:02

PandaOrLion · 03/06/2023 19:54

I did a similar job for a while and worked part time. It suited me much better as it was fewer days rather than shorter days. Worth thinking about what you need.

Is the plan that you’ll end up doing counselling or this or something else? Just because it’s fine to do this as a short term thing if you know you’re doing something else but hard to think if you’re going to be doing this forever.

Part time might be the answer if I can, I will find out. I'd like to do the counselling really but that's on hold for now as I'm so bloomin exhausted after work. I have level 3 and need level 4 before I can work as a counsellor. Possibly part time would give me a chance to continue.
Thank you!

OP posts:
tweener · 04/06/2023 12:05

Batch cook at the weekend, take something out to defrost in the morning. Your 13 year old is old enough to microwave for both children if needs be, if you're finishing late.

In terms of your back, they're not cheap but maybe look to save towards a standing desk?

Original poster
NeedaplanNeedtogo · 04/06/2023 12:10

MadEyeMoodysEye · 03/06/2023 19:39

That all sounds really tough. As you say your boss is happy so I'm sure you're doing much better at your job than you think.

First, it's really important that you have a safe and comfortable set up. Better to invest in that now than to end up long term sick with back, neck or wrist trouble. I have a really comfy chair, and DH has a sit-stand workstation. It makes a world of difference compared to when we used to WFH on laptops at the kitchen table.

Can you explain the situation to your boss and ask if there's any way the monthly office day could be avoided? Could you request more frequent breaks, so you're moving for a few minutes every hour or 2, maybe by shortening your lunch break?

If not, have you got a friend who could have the DC overnight on your office day?

Can you afford a cleaner? Also the DC are old enough to understand how busy you are and to take on a few regular chores.

Could you batch cook at the weekend and then during the week all you need to do is reheat it and do some rice or pasta or whatever. The DC could help with this too. Otherwise really simple meals like beans on toast, omelettes or jacket potatoes are fine - again, you could teach the DC how to cook a few basic meals.

Thanks for all these suggestions too. I will definitely look at improving my desk/chair setup and I definitely need a chat with my manager about things.
I think batch cooking is something i need to l sort out yes, my 13 year old could learn to heat things up unsupervised I've probably been too precious about that previously. I've been feeling sorry for them having to wait for their dinner but this way they could just crack on.

I'd love to be able to afford a cleaner but for now I think I need to get the DDs on board with pitching in as we are meant to be a team after all 😊 they're too used to mum being the house fairy!

OP posts:
coxesorangepippin · 04/06/2023 12:41

You poor thing, sounds like you need support and a bloody huge congratulations for getting through all this.

Main advice I can offer is to simply smile when you answer the phone: customer will 'hear' the smile and instantly warm to you.

You're doing great op.

coxesorangepippin · 04/06/2023 12:42

Re. Standing desk

Check if work will cover the cost of this

Workplaces are not always transparent about what they offer employees!!

Original poster
NeedaplanNeedtogo · 07/06/2023 12:04

Update - I've had a chat with my manager today and they are offering me flexible working and a quarterly visit to the office instead of monthly.
They're also happy to get me a new chair and any further training or support I feel I need but again he said he's happy with my work and they like me in the team. That has cheered me up immediately.

Thanks for encouraging me to chat with them, as I was feeling a bit daunted. I'm amazed really at how accommodating they are being and that's given me real reassurance that I can keep going and give my girls a better quality of life.

OP posts:
Amdone123 · 07/06/2023 12:15

@NeedaplanNeedtogo , you are smashing it !
Brilliant update.

IamRoyFuckingKent · 07/06/2023 13:22

Oh that's great, well done!

NoSquirrels · 07/06/2023 13:39

NeedaplanNeedtogo · 07/06/2023 12:04

Update - I've had a chat with my manager today and they are offering me flexible working and a quarterly visit to the office instead of monthly.
They're also happy to get me a new chair and any further training or support I feel I need but again he said he's happy with my work and they like me in the team. That has cheered me up immediately.

Thanks for encouraging me to chat with them, as I was feeling a bit daunted. I'm amazed really at how accommodating they are being and that's given me real reassurance that I can keep going and give my girls a better quality of life.

Oh that’s brilliant news - good for you!

Quitelikeit · 07/06/2023 13:47

Brilliant update!

check to see if you are entitled to universal credit if your income has dropped

Original poster
NeedaplanNeedtogo · 07/06/2023 16:02

Thank you I do already get a little bit from UC and they will adjust it to reflect my lower wages.

OP posts: