Going back to work - advice

[limeblossom]

Hi everyone
I've been on leave from work since my 15 month old was born. I've got an opportunity to get a new job, which is very exciting. I'm nervous though because I would have to go back full time. I'd love to hear any advice about going back to work full time with a baby, how do you make it work, what do you wish you'd known etc.

Thank you so much x

I work 28 hours a week over 4 days. I wouldn't give up my day off for anything. I spend it with my youngest, usually a playgroup or doing the weekly shop. Or medical appointments and usually a few loads of washing. It's a catch up and chill out day.

Personally I would have to really need the money to go back full time. The way I see it, is they're only little once and balance is really important, especially if you're also taking on a lot of the household burdens, like most women end up doing.

I agree they're only little once. Ideally I wouldn't go back to work at all, but unfortunately that's not possible. This job isn't possible to do part time either x

I have done it both ways - with dc1, had to go back when dc was 11m and went pt. Then with dc2 took 2 years off due to Covid lockdown and then went FT

My tips are:

• it’s not as bad as you think it will be but it IS hard leaving your child can make you feel so guilty BUT they get such amazing social skills, make friends, and readiness for school is amazing
• my dd was FT from age 3 (PT 5 days a week before that) and is now 12 - we are extremely close, our “bond” wasn’t damaged, she is popular and very bright and very happy and well-adjusted. I have no regrets about her nursery days.
• if possible financially start your dc in nursery/childminder a month early so you can settle them before you start work. Nursery settling in sessions aren’t really enough imo. It is stressful initially leaving them at childcare if they not used to it
• be aware your child will be unwell frequently as immune system catches up to nursery. Random accidents (“ran into a wall”, “weird rash might be an allergy” etc). Especially in winter expect dc Will often be poorly - not necessarily too sick to attend, but will be awake at night coughing and then everyone is EXHAUSTED at the weekend. And I mean, shattered to the point of complete collapse. Plan how that will work with new job and will your dp help cover days one of you can’t be in work due to sick child. My son had a perpetual cold this winter, only really settled down start of May.
• my dc could have breakfast and tea at nursery but both wanted food at home. Nursery tea is at 3.30pm so dc need a top of food otherwise hungry at night
• be ruthlessly organised. Family calendar. Not easy to run a home and work FT but loads of us manage
• Buy a stash of labels to label all shoes, clothes etc for nursery. Comfortable clothes are best - joggers/leggings, T shirts and sweaters.
• If you can afford a cleaner at home, get one.

During the last 30+ years, I’ve worked a variation of PT, FT and PT whilst studying FT. All without and with DC in tow. 3 DC. We’ve not had any family help as they also work or live too far away.

I currently work school hours, four days pw with Fridays off and mainly WFH. I choose to go into the office 1-2 pw. I previously had two days off at the beginning of the week with baby/toddler, which was nice but not enough time to leisurely get on top of laundry and the big weekly shop without feeling harassed when returning to work mid week. We used private nurseries (FT & PT). I used to occasionally WFH when I worked three days pw, but my current work pattern is the best I’ve ever had. Being able to get through most of the laundry, life admin and the big weekly shop on a Friday, ultimately frees up the weekend for quality family time, kids’ sports activities and bit of me-time without me feeling feel absolutely shattered like before. It’s obviously harder when the DC are very young, but it does get easier, especially once they can toilet and shower/bathe themselves.

I couldn’t do it all without DP stepping up. It was extra tough when DP worked abroad during the week for several months when I returned to work FT after Mat leave and middle DC was in FT nursery. DP has multiple businesses and has the flexibility to do most AM school runs and the occasional PM school run for our youngest DC.

We outsource our gardening. If finances allow it, get a cleaner once a week, especially if you’re working FT outside the home.

As DC get older, give them age appropriate household chores. Let them
earn pocket money for the main household chores, e.g., hanging/folding laundry, a bit of vacuuming, emptying the dishwasher, watering plants, etc. You don’t want the DC demanding money for every little household related thing you ask them to do!

I went back to work full time when each DC was 10 months. I work 50 hours a week on average but I work flexibly so I do all the drop offs and pick up, my youngest is off nursery once a week with dh (he compresses hours into 4 days) and I spend 4 afternoons from 3 with my eldest after school so we get time together. I clock the hours by getting up a few hours before the dc and working for a few hours after theyve gone to bed and j work 7 days a week..it's hard but you get in a rhythm. Obviously I have no time for gym or things for me but hoping once DC hit 13 and turn Kevin and Perry I might get some time back.

We don't have a cleaner, I do the house from top to bottom on a Saturday and gardening at the weekend if we need to.

Oh, and we absolutely do not do 50/50 re. finances, as DP is the higher earner. DP works at his office Mon - Fri, in addition to working a few week day evenings and a weekend morning at another business. He occasionally travels abroad for business.
I do most household tasks as I’m at home with the DC more. DP does homework with our youngest Yr 3 DC twice a week. Yr 3 DC also has a Maths Tutor once a week who also helps DC with non-verbal reasoning and verbal reasoning. Yr 3 DC reads unaided everyday, but I listen to them read for at least 5 mins most days. My role is very pressured so I sometimes work outside of my contracted hours during busier periods, but I always ensure I take TOIL owed.

Do most prep in the evenings and completely let go of any guilt you might have.

Make sure your partner does his or her fair share of the parenting and if you're both working f/t it's 50:50 including all house work and life admin etc.

All childcare costs to be shared as well.

Expect them to get ALL the colds. And then you get all the colds. And then they snot/worse on you.

So take vitamin C basically. Have a good laundry detergent to hand and get ahead with work when you can unless it's a job that can only be done on site. It's miserable when you have a deadline and feel like shit.

Thanks everyone for your advice xx