Being ‘told off’

[Rotormotor]

I have been summonsed to a meeting with the boss. Something went wrong at work(nothing huge). I’m not the person who is fully to blame but I know she will enjoy the opportunity to ‘tell me off’ for the small part that is my fault . She will revel in it.

I work in a nasty toxic environment and my boss is horrible. I’m trying to find another job, in the meantime I know she is looking for any excuse to criticise me.

I need to have a strategy for this meeting. Any advice? I know that even if I just nod and say ‘ok won’t happen again’ she will go on and on in her usual patronising way.

any advice?

Apologise, say it won't happen again, then let her do as she will. You alrady know that you did contribute to this problem, and what she will say / do. So I would think sucking it up and letting it flow off you is really the only way forward.

So the strategy would be identifying what your part in the fault was, that you recognise the mistake, and how you'll ensure it won't happen again.

You can play politics by repeating the three steps until she stops talking.😇

Make sure she understands the facts - other people’s version may have thought you are more to blame than you are. Ensure she emails you a minuted copy of the meeting, even if just bullet points that you both agree to and keep it. Just be factual and not emotional if you can. Take time after to ‘decompress’ if you need. If she suggests further learning / training take her up on it to show willing. Ask her what she’d do in the same situation if relevant. You may be able to take a third party in / ask HR?

Thanks. Yes…most managers ( and I’ve been one) would approach the issue with a problem solving approach. Being ‘told off’ is what she does. Critical parent style. Nasty vindictive woman.

good advice re just accepting my error (albeit a very small one!) and saying won’t happen again. And sticking to that line.

Explain what you mean by playing politics??

My problem is I talk too much and over explain. I need to sit and let her do the talking.

Do not try and explain why the error was not your fault. Just listen to her scolding, agree that the problem happened and how you’ll endure it doesn’t happen again and walk away.

@chelseabunny , I mean playing politics in the way a politician answers a question , they just repeat the statements over and over again.

I realise that's not what playing politics means, but it's just what came to mind.

@Rotormotor good luck for today, at least you have a chance to go in prepared, rather than being blind sided.

Over explaining can come across as making excuses for yourself From your boss's point of view, it's irritating to hear.

Do you have the means to make sure it doesn't happen again? Or the means to make sure you don't make your bit of the mistake again?

What would be needed to make sure the outcome doesn't happen again

Try not to over explain as it might look like you are making excuses- acknowledge the error and what you’ve learnt from it and just let her talk.
have to say though if she’s nasty and not professional can you raise a grievance? Understandably this is hard and might not be worth it but it’s a shame she’s getting away with talking to people like this

Thanks all. Helpful suggestions. I’m trying not to blow it out of proportion as it’s actually not that huge an issue. She just is the type of boss that looks for fault then makes it worse than it is.

There’s a whole back story but if I can just get through the meeting without feeling humiliated or spoken to like a naughty child then I can put it behind me and carry on. I keep out of her way when I can.

Think about her attitude like a child tantrumming. Be the adult.

Calm, low, gentle tone, accept the responsibility that's yours, stick to your 'lines' as PPs have suggested.

I find it helpful to picture people like this inside a bubble – what they're throwing out can't reach you, it's just all swirling around them. I keep the thought "This must be hard for you" in the back of my mind, and talk to them accordingly: detached, grounded, graceful.

Do you know what you did wrong?

I'd have made sure that I had identified it, and put measures in place to avoid it happening again, and if she goes on about it keep saying 'what else can I do on top of what I have already done to avoid it happening again?' and then summarise 'So I have done A, B and will do C, is there anything else you can advise me on to avoid this happening again' and keep throwing it back to her for her advice.

Make the list, on email and send it to her afterwards as if she doesn't add any other precautions you can show you have taken her advice and she didn't point it out.

Don't over explain yourself, keep your answer short and factual. Don't accept the invitation to an argument or confrontation. Ask her what solutions she's planning to ensure this doesn't happen again.