Bully boss, horrible client - WWYD

[Crossandupset]

I posted on AIBU yesterday about a work situation but thought this was probably the best place for it.

I'm a fairly senior manager in a small company - I am an employee. The business is owned by one man and there is no HR dept. I have been dealing a rude and unpleasant client for almost three years. Yesterday she crossed a line with her rudeness - I dealt with it professionally as I always do, but it did upset me. My boss has dealt with it almost as terribly as the client. He apologised to her - I'm not sure what for and they've had a flirty giggle about it, I'm furious. He's totally undermined me and invalidated my feelings. I have challenged him but he's a bully and got all shirty with me. FGS!

Would you resign over this? I'm a little stuck as I am paid well in my field but my mental health has taken a hell of a bashing over this.

Can you afford to resign over it? A job isn't worth damage to your health, but that's a statement that loaded because unemployment and poverty aren't any better for it. If not, then it's time to decide what your financial need is and start looking for another job, even if it is less well paid.

Do what's best for you. It's very unlikely that resigning on impulse will be the best thing for you, though. I would definitely start to look around - they both sound really awful.

What was it that she did? It might be worth getting others' perspective on how bad it was - resignation worthy or HR reporting worthy

Do you have a HR department?

Was your boss in the meeting or was he told afterwards?

Can you continue to do your job but not handle this particular client?

@jackstini - she sent an incredibly rude email to me, copying in my boss and members of her family. She obviously wrote it and sent without thinking it through as no one would send it after thinking about it for more than 5 seconds! My boss is very openly appalled by it to me alone, but when it comes to standing up to them, zero support!

There is no HR department.

One odd thing, not only was my boss not supportive, he is actively wanting me to engage with them more than normal - he is a total bully.

That's horrible! And awful from your boss
Why does he want you to engage further?

Is it worth calling ACAS to get their thoughts on it?

Not surprised you don't want to be in contact with her. Can you grey rock the personal for now and just keep it very formal/professional?

Guessing you are looking for somewhere else to work anyway...

Don't do anything whilst you are feeling emotional or angry. This feeling will pass. Sleep on it. Take a day or two off to get some perspective. But.. ultimately? Yes, get out of there!

I wouldn't resign without another job to go to, I would play along with the shit show and then leave as soon as I secured a better position / same position with better management elsewhere. Sicken them with your niceness and professionalism whilst you are getting on with your life. This sounds like a rubbish place to work.

Thanks for the support, yes it is a terrible place to work. I am looking for something elsewhere and have drastically changed my goalposts on what I'll accept as I can't keep this up for much longer.

I have been dealing with this family for almost three years. They are awful and I am now strictly professional facts with them, not any "hope you are well" nonsense, straight into fact - I guess that's grey rock?

My boss loves game playing - as long as he's the one who he thinks looks good! He's the most unkind person I think I've ever met and is always spoiling for a fight - I guess making me engage with them more is his way of getting his kicks!